To think I've forgotten how to interact with other women.

[downbutnotout2018]

I've just been to DDs friends kids party. A sea of women all chatting away (I am a 41 year old female myself).

They were all in little cliques and I couldn't face trying to get into one. No one invited me in either. I had a very quick conversation with one woman and that was it, before she wandered off to speak with a group of others.

I work in a fairly male dominated environment and think I am just more familiar with interacting with men. They talk more loudly and slowly and deliberately (generalisation I know) and I can follow their topics of conversation more easily. They are not bitchy.

I ended up striking up a conversation with one of the dad's whose wife and I are organising an event with. a group of 3 mum's (who had previously ignored me completely) now looked over and gave me awful deadly looks like I was trying to chat him up or something (I genuinely had no interest whatsoever and was just trying to kill time).

AIBU in thinking I have forgotten how to interact with women or is this just a particularly carry group of women?

What do you mean you ‘couldn’t face’ talking to them? That in itself implies you don’t really want to engage. It can be hard, but the best thing to do is just to join a group and say hello. Sometimes it’s cliquey and it’s hard to break through, but more often than not people are willing to chat.

Also I don’t agree men are less bitchy than women. A lot of men I know are plenty bitchy!

I never knew how in the first place!

Couldn’t face speaking to the women, but was absolutely fine chatting to one of the men, and you just find it sooooo much easier to get on with men, because they’re not bitchy?
I don’t know, it seems strange with an attitude like yours that women don’t seem to be overly friendly to you.

You know you don't have to be friends with every woman you meet?

I worked in a male dominated office and some of the men were very bitchy. Are you under the impression that women are bitchy except for you?

You are one of those women who doesnt like women. You say you are more comfortable with men. Why is that?
Most women arent bitchy, but it's interesting that you mentioned the word.
I'm sure one of the groups would have welcomed you if you had made the effort.
I think that in most cases when people say this what they really mean is that they feel. inferior to other women or see them as competition for the attentions of men.
Could this be you?
I think that by not being able to talk to.women you are cutting yourself.off from half the human race, and, incidentally, the friendship and support that only other women will give.
I wouldn't want to trade that for easy conversation

I think women pick up on ‘don’t like women’ vibes. Try assuming other women are normal human beings like you and men.

I don't find women bitchy either. I often smile and strike up conversations with women I don't know and I've never once been met with anything but warmness.

I actually really like women, but have been blanked by this group so often that I've given up trying. Perhaps my face just doesn't fit with this group. By the way, I have a partner and not interested in men in any romantic way right now. They just don't blank me like these school mum's do.

I find men and women as equally easy to talk to. Making conversation with people you don’t know takes energy but it’s worth making the effort since you’re likely to be running into these people all the time. The fact that they’re in a group doesn’t make it a clique. I’m not at the school gates very much so I don’t know people massively well but enough to go over and make casual chit chat. If I knew no one at all even to say “ Oh hi your Sophie’s mum” I would introduce myself and say “ I feel a bit of a spare part because I don’t know anyone... hello Im ....” Women are not intrinsically bitches just because you don’t know them. They could be feeling just as awkward themselves but are maybe prepared to make a bit more of an effort.

They are all quite dolled up or naturally beautiful women. Probably mostly a bit younger than me, better off (though most don't work, and rely on husband's income so they have lots of time to make connections during the week. I have a professional job - which pays ok.). Im very ordinary looking.

Perhaps I'm just a bit more down to earth. They have constant smiles plastered on their faces like they're in love with life. It just doesn't feel very authentic.

I get a strange vibe from women who prefer men.
I find it makes them dismissive of interaction with other women which comes across badly.

Every woman knows another woman who thinks she's better than other women.

It's so tedious.

I don't think I'm better than other women for one second. I get the vibe they think they are better than me.

I also don't prefer men. I really like women. I just can't figure out how to have a conversation with them. It just doesn't flow or get anywhere other than very superficial stuff.

I can’t begin to understand why these women find you hard to talk to. After all- there’s no sense that you despise their sah, husband dependent, bitchy, over smiling selves!

How have you got to know them well enough to know they rely on their husbands income if they always blank you?

Oh and I'm a professional women in a male dominated environment.

Generally speaking I actually find women easier to make small talk with at kids parties. They tend to be more open to chatting, better at child-related small talk and less arrogant than the large number of dads I've met who give the impression of being above the chit chat.

Maybe they were trying to be friendly/unthreatening with the constant smiling?

I'm so curious about the 'do men or women talk faster' thing tbh... will keep an ear out!

You are one of those women who doesnt like women. You say you are more comfortable with men. Why is that?
Most women arent bitchy, but it's interesting that you mentioned the word.
I'm sure one of the groups would have welcomed you if you had made the effort.
I think that in most cases when people say this what they really mean is that they feel. inferior to other women or see them as competition for the attentions of men.
Could this be you?

What complete and utter horseshit.

OP, I'm with you. I find some women much harder than men, mostly because the conversation is superficial. I do not feel inferior to other women, and don't see any competition for the attention of men - I'm not interested in competing for the attention of anyone! What I struggle with is the seeming instant bond a lot of women seem to strike up with each other over the most banal things. I've always been this way, including when I was at an all girls school. Maybe it's because I hate small talk, which I think you get less of with most men, or there's less emotional baggage.

Some women are cliquey and unwelcoming unless you appear to fit in with their tribe. It sounds like you encountered a bunch of them at this party.

Bertrand I don't despise them they just feel like a different breed to me! It's hard to explain!

You aren’t been particularly complimentary about them, there seems to be judgement from you on their appearances and money (the comparison of yourself being more down to earth for example could be read as implying their are high maintenance or difficult). You don’t seem to like them very much?

They sound like they're just not your type of women. I'm sure there's plenty of types of men you'd struggle to get on with too.

Perhaps also for whatever reason, these women make you feel a bit shit about yourself, hence mentioning the way they look "perfect". Completely normal to feel this way really, just don't assume you'll feel this way around all women!

Underthebridgedowntown. That's it. A different tribe!!

This jumps out:
They are not bitchy. What a load of bollocks. Men can be unbearably bitchy. The last office I worked in, I watched men isolate one of the group, bitch about him behind his back, call him names.They were lovely to us women but spiteful as fuck to each other.
Who says women are bitchy? That seems to be your underlying assumption in saying that men aren't bitchy. If a woman walked into a kids party, didn't introduce herself to all the other mums but happily chatted to the dad at the party, I'd assume she was the one who didn't like other women, not that the fault lay with all of them.

I expect other women pick up on your internalised misogyny.