To think I've forgotten how to interact with other women.

[downbutnotout2018]

I've just been to DDs friends kids party. A sea of women all chatting away (I am a 41 year old female myself).

They were all in little cliques and I couldn't face trying to get into one. No one invited me in either. I had a very quick conversation with one woman and that was it, before she wandered off to speak with a group of others.

I work in a fairly male dominated environment and think I am just more familiar with interacting with men. They talk more loudly and slowly and deliberately (generalisation I know) and I can follow their topics of conversation more easily. They are not bitchy.

I ended up striking up a conversation with one of the dad's whose wife and I are organising an event with. a group of 3 mum's (who had previously ignored me completely) now looked over and gave me awful deadly looks like I was trying to chat him up or something (I genuinely had no interest whatsoever and was just trying to kill time).

AIBU in thinking I have forgotten how to interact with women or is this just a particularly carry group of women?

they have more time to make friends and have coffee in the week - how do you know this if you never talk to them? How do you know they don't work FT, PT or from home, run businesses, care for sick elderly parents or SEN siblings? You keep making the most horrible sweeping, crass and sexist stereotypical assumptions about women you think are unfriendly to you. Consider the vibe you are sending them.

Constant smiles plastered on
Not very authentic
Clique
Bitchy
Dolled up
Relying on husband’s money
Superficial
Displaying virtue
Different breed
Different tribe
Are you sure you don’t despise them?

I think op is bitching about the women as she's got a vagina

I wouldn't want to chat to someone who thought they could neatly divide humans into 'bitchy' and 'not bitchy' either (and I'd bet you a tenner you give off vibes of 'Oh I don't normally trouble myself with you little gossipy womenfolk but seeing as I am here I will deign to talk to you'). You know other women are people too, don't you? With individual personalities?

Can't be arsed with the internalised misogyny.

All these people on this thread giving off that ‘holier than thou’ vibe. OP is not a misogynist, she’s put out and upset that a group of women were undeniably rude. I’m sure you all don’t have a bad word to say about anyone you’ve ever met. I’m so jealous that you’ve all made it through life without coming across a bitchy women.

it's because I live and breathe my work - I have forgotten how to have conversations that doesn't relate to it.

We'll that's deeply unhealthy

OP, this sounds like it’s six of one, half dozen of the other tbh. As you say, these women probably have a lot in common and they’re at the school gates etc, so are probably just doing what they do every day.

If you sense that someone looks a bit edgy, it can seem a bit like hard-work to make the effort when you just want to relax and enjoy the party.

I have to say your description of them as “living off their husbands” speaks volumes. It really does.

You clearly have your biases. We all do and these women are no exception. Maybe they just feel as if you’re hard work? How do you think they might perceive you if you’re really honest with yourself?

And if by “dolled up” you mean wearing some make up and making a bit of an effort, well why shouldn’t they? That is completely their prerogative and you shouldn’t judge anyone as “superficial” simply because they have a different style or look to yours

I think your judgmental tendencies are holding you back and also giving off a vibe tbh. Sorry.

^ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser

downbutnotout I totally understand- I have ASD and just naturally get on better with men- however research suggests that women on the spectrum have very similar brain connections to men. Usually there is a difference between the female brain and the Male brain- if you are on the spectrum then your brain is neurologically different from that of neurotypical women - or similar to men.^

Utter bollocks. I have ASD too.

I get you op. I struggle with the school mums and other mums in general. I see them every morning and afternoon chatting incessantly. It baffles me...what on earth are they talking about? On the odd occasion I listen in, it's generally inane nonsense. Do other people really care about the intricacies of other people's lives or are they all pretending? Reminds me of when I went to a baby group and mentioned something fairly major that had been on the the news that morning...oh,the looks I got! Best stick to inane prattle.

I feel your pain! I wish I could make small talk but I feel so gauche and everything I say comes out sounding lame. Work is fine because there's usually a purpose for getting involved in a conversation and that lends the way to developing work friendships easily. But small talk for the sake of it? A struggle.

These just don’t sound like women you have anything in common with. In that situation I would also much rather speak to men.

I generally find men easier to get on with. I find their friendships far more straightforward and less complicated.

Pinkblueberry very mean words, which kind of makes my point.

Not really - I’m just one person. Plenty of posters on here seem to sympathise with you and have your back. A shame that doesn’t matter to you. You’re determined to make presumptions about women in general based on a few negative experiences.

I hate small talk!

At least with blokes you can talk about sport!

I get a strange vibe from women who prefer men.
I find it makes them dismissive of interaction with other women which comes across badly.

Well put

Pinkblueberry er what makes you think it doesn't matter to me. It matters very much. That's the whole point of the thread

They are all quite dolled up or naturally beautiful women. Probably mostly a bit younger than me, better off (though most don't work, and rely on husband's income so they have lots of time to make connections during the week. I have a professional job - which pays ok.). Im very ordinary looking.

Perhaps I'm just a bit more down to earth. They have constant smiles plastered on their faces like they're in love with life. It just doesn't feel very authentic.

You sound you know just so bitchy - there's no other way I can put it

I don't prefer mens company to women. But I find women really difficult to befriend. I think because women are more emotionally intelligent, they over analyse social interactions, so saying the wrong thing or using a certain tone of voice or a certain facial expression can be the kiss of death.

I've also noticed that women who are popular with other women all are attractive in a very bland, non threatening, unsexy way.

'Inane prattle' is what you say to someone you know well and see probably daily for a short spell just to pass the time of day so ideal for the school gates. You already know about their family, their work, or not, their hobbies. So you just chat. Sometimes the conversation is emotional or educational but most of the time it's just chat.
These women probably mostly know each other quite well. So they have met at the party and are chatting. They don't know you, so you aren't included.
It would be nice of them to include others but it seems they prefer their present friends.
It's horrible standing around like a tube - but I think it is partly that you don't know them due to working, not that they are particularly bitchy.

They talk more loudly and slowly and deliberately (generalisation I know) and I can follow their topics of conversation more easily.

Do you have hearing problems or difficulty with comprehension in spoken conversations?

Sorry but that did make me smile

I get on with both sexes but I've had the experience you describe. I sat on a chair and read my Kindle! It was much more relaxing than making smalltalk.

As an aside, I was astonished how much some of the mums dressed up for kids' parties. I always felt scruffy.

Let's face it, kids parties are generally attended by the mums, not the dads, so I don't think it's sexist to focus on the particular way women tend to exclude other women here. I think it's why it can be easier to strike up a conversation with the dads - they're generally feeling a bit out of it too.

Go on, read a book next time and I guarantee someone will come over to talk to you. It freaks people out even more if it's a paper book.

Sorry, the way you describe these women isn't particularly nice. If you think so lowly of them then why do you want to be friends with them?

Do you have hearing problems or difficulty with comprehension in spoken conversations?

Well no not to my knowledge but perhaps that's rather offensive to people that do. My close family member for example has a hearing loss and he finds it hard in group situations because of picking out individual conversations. You really shouldn't use that as an insult pp.

Phineyj good idea, I'll bring a magazine or Kindle next time or even one of my many books I've been meaning to read!

Men can be bitchy too!!

Also, not sure you're aware so I'll point it out, women and men are all just other humans.

They all seemed to be housewives

I had no problem chatting away in the coffee room at work to fellow professionals,

Ahh the thread has taken a nice turn to pitting 'housewives' against 'professionals'

Also, the internalised misogyny is so bad!! One PP saying 'at least you can talk about sport' with men?! Yeah cos the womenz don't like it that sport thing do they. URGH

@formerbabe
I've also noticed that women who are popular with other women all are attractive in a very bland, non threatening, unsexy way.

Ah! And because you're so wonderfully sexy, allll the women are jealous of you I imagine?  you're probably just a knob