To think I've forgotten how to interact with other women.

[downbutnotout2018]

I've just been to DDs friends kids party. A sea of women all chatting away (I am a 41 year old female myself).

They were all in little cliques and I couldn't face trying to get into one. No one invited me in either. I had a very quick conversation with one woman and that was it, before she wandered off to speak with a group of others.

I work in a fairly male dominated environment and think I am just more familiar with interacting with men. They talk more loudly and slowly and deliberately (generalisation I know) and I can follow their topics of conversation more easily. They are not bitchy.

I ended up striking up a conversation with one of the dad's whose wife and I are organising an event with. a group of 3 mum's (who had previously ignored me completely) now looked over and gave me awful deadly looks like I was trying to chat him up or something (I genuinely had no interest whatsoever and was just trying to kill time).

AIBU in thinking I have forgotten how to interact with women or is this just a particularly carry group of women?

OP sounds like a queen bee type, female in a male-dominated environment, and other women are competition.

OP, I'm with you. I find some women much harder than men, mostly because the conversation is superficial.

Seriously? Most blokes will happily spend hours talking about football, cars and other equally superficial topics.

And I really don’t get the “women are more bitchy than men” crap either. Men are just as bitchy as women if not more so.

Bleh, at least blokes say what they think to your face lol

I hate this generalisation. They really, really don’t!

Bye for now. I'm gone.

AND FLOUNCE

It sounds like it, yes. If you're in an environment with lots of women all getting on with each other and you're assuming they're all bitchy and jealous and you can't face talking to them, it's safe to say that the one with the problem is likely to be you.

Maybe try to work on overcoming your negative stereotyping and unfair assumptions and see how you get on.

I find some women much harder than men, mostly because the conversation is superficial
Another one here who didn't get that memo.

.

If you can talk to men you can talk to women. All these differences are in your own head.

That’s where the misogyny is so apparent. It’s not that women talk about superficial things, it’s that fact that women are talking about things that make them superficial. And men talking about the same things would be being sensitive and deep or hilarious and witty

I actually think you’re being really sexist and drawing distinctions between men and women which don’t exist and are purely stereotypes. Another thing is, you are probably simply comfortable around the people you know who happen to be men, as you work with them. Maybe you were less comfortable around these women as you didn’t know them. Their sex has nothing to do with whether or not YOU personally feel confident to talk with them or not. I think it’s in your head.

You’re so sneery and superior about these woman that if they’ve any idea what you think about them (maybe it’s written all over your face) it’s no wonder they swerve your company.

You’ve lumped them in as ‘all the same’ when in reality most probably the thing they’ve all got in common is a child the same age and decent enough social skills to talk to each other at a class party.

If the OP had said “I went to this children’s birthday party and none of the adults would speak to me and it was really awkward and unpleasant” people would have been sympathetic. It’s all the “they’re superficial and wear lots of makeup and are kept by their husbands and smile all the time (or don’t smile at her, I can’t tell which) and they’re bitches and I get on with men at work so I’m not like them” stuff that makes the OP sound like a bit of a dick

@colourlessgreenidea has it spot on

If I got a whiff that someone regarded me as

Constant smiles plastered on
Not very authentic
Clique
Bitchy
Dolled up
Relying on husband’s money
Superficial
Displaying virtue
Different breed
Different tribe

I wouldn't be falling over myself to speak with them

You do think you are better than them you’ve just said as much. They’ve picked up on it.

Plus the fact that you are on MN having a conversation with what are, to all intents and purposes, women, OP.

Guess what - some of us may be wearing make-up Or “relying on husband’s income” even, The point is, how would you know? Yet you’re talking to us all. Has anyone tried to turn the subject to a “vacuous”, “women’s” topic yet?

Some would say the topic you raised is “vacuous” - just like a “silly woman.”. Do you think a group of men would be interested if you raised this kind of insecurity with them?

I think you started this thread in an attempt to get people to all rail against what you perceive as “housewives of Beverley Hills” or whatever. You’ve dropped in a few perjorative, misogynist snippets such as “dolled up” and “reliant on husbands money” to try and stoke the fire. But, as you would expect from women in real life, the response has been very mixed. Any criticism doesn’t fit with what’s in your own head, so now you’ve flounced off.

People constantly post threads about the unfriendliness of the school gates, so unless they are all woman haters too this is a common problem - this is an extension of that. The OP was probably upset at being ostracised and when you are upset you are likely to be nasty back to those blanking you.
All the holier than thou posts about how she is deserving of this unfriendliness because of her attitude to women are pretty repetitive and boring - I'm sure she's got the message.

They just aren’t your people, OP.

I'm well known at DC school as I chat to everyone and am involved with the PSA. I don't got in to any of the stereotypes you insist makes you popular though, I just made a big effort as when dd1 joined. I was new to the area, single and rather lonely. I will say though, dd2 started last year and the majority of her class parents knew each other. (the kids all seems to be first borns and they know each other from baby groups etc) The women in this group are absolutely impenetrable even after a year of attempting to smile and say hello in passing or dd having played in the park with their dc when they've been there at the same time it's impossible. The dad group is far more sociable. Surely not all the groups of women are like this? This is the first and only one I've come across in 10 years and many many class groups

I don't think it was unreasonable or offensive to ask about hearing problems, my df has hearing problems and sometimes he will ask someone to speak louder, more clearly, slower and happily explain why. People with normal hearing don't normally have an issue with any of those things so it's unsurprisingly a pp wondered why it would be relevant. I genuinely wondered the same thing when reading the OP.

Fat no one’s been holier than thou? I’m almost saying the opposite- I wouldn’t talk to someone who I thought was judging me as an over smiling, vacuous moron as I’m not nice enough to get past that and would have no incentive to.

It’s not being “holier than thou” to point out the hypocrisy in the OP.

It’s one thing to come on and say you feel insecure at mainly female gatherings; you feel people don’t make an effort with you and you lack confidence in taking the initiative. That would have been a totally different and much more sympathetic set of responses and advice, I’m sure.

But I bet the women at that party were just talking about their kids, or what they did over the summer, maybe what teachers the DC have next year, etc etc. I bet not one of them said anything remotely as bitchy as - “ooh look at her, all dolled up; reliant in her husband’s income don’t you know; smile plastered all over her face; vacuous - a real “Housewife of Beverley Hills if I ever saw one .., blah blah”

That’s the attitude that’s “holier than thou” and bitchy.

It's much harder when people all know each other, perhaps they just aren't interested in new people? People don't owe you friendship, I'm always happy to pass the time of day with someone and be friendly, but actually being friends takes time and committment that someone might not have.

Also if you don't actually like them or are thinking disparaging and critical things, putting them in boxes and so on, why would you expect them not to sense this and therefore be a little chilly?

I think your thread title is misleading. It implies you think the issue is yours, but you then go on to firmly blame the women at the party for how you felt, and now you're levelling the same insults at the women responding on this thread.

I used to have similar feelings towards women, which caused me considerable problems (cognitive dissonance doesn't make anyone's life easy). Our society does teach that men = funnier, cleverer etc. Which is utter shit for women because they internalise all those things about themselves. It seems much easier to say, look at that bunch of bitchy, vacuous women over there. I'm not one of them, I am an honorary man.

Maybe look at counselling if you can find a good one

I avoid too much interaction with women op 😁 really, you're not really missing out on much. Personally I find it hard to find a female who I enjoy hanging out with but when I do it's great. Having said that, I prefer doing stuff on my own that most women prefer doing with other females but I am bordering being asocial 😁. I have found my life a lot less complicated since I left most females behind. Those cliques are really awful