To think I've forgotten how to interact with other women.

[downbutnotout2018]

I've just been to DDs friends kids party. A sea of women all chatting away (I am a 41 year old female myself).

They were all in little cliques and I couldn't face trying to get into one. No one invited me in either. I had a very quick conversation with one woman and that was it, before she wandered off to speak with a group of others.

I work in a fairly male dominated environment and think I am just more familiar with interacting with men. They talk more loudly and slowly and deliberately (generalisation I know) and I can follow their topics of conversation more easily. They are not bitchy.

I ended up striking up a conversation with one of the dad's whose wife and I are organising an event with. a group of 3 mum's (who had previously ignored me completely) now looked over and gave me awful deadly looks like I was trying to chat him up or something (I genuinely had no interest whatsoever and was just trying to kill time).

AIBU in thinking I have forgotten how to interact with women or is this just a particularly carry group of women?

@fallacy

I never said anything about my own looks . Just that women who are popular are attractive in a non threatening way. It's a particular bland, generic look. Any women who stand out from that are considered not part of the crowd...it could be because you're incredibly unattractive, overtly sexy, slightly alternative or any number of looks which don't quite fit ..

I sympathise OP, I’m a teetotal Muslim minority, I get on with most people but my face just doesn’t fit sometimes. At least you don’t get the ‘why don’t you drink?’ questions 😂. Although I think all teetotals get that question, regardless of race and religion!

My mates at work are all gay males. 😀

“I've also noticed that women who are popular with other women all are attractive in a very bland, non threatening, unsexy way.”

Sorry, but this did make me laugh.

So you can only have female friends if you’re “bland?”

How insulting to women in general!

If I’m chatting in a grouping of three at a kid’s party I’m going to be into the conversation not scanning the room looking out for lonely individuals. If you want to join in feel free but the onus is on you

In groups of this kind as I’ve gone through life I’ve found the most popular women often have the loveliest personalities. Which is not really rocket science

Well no not to my knowledge but perhaps that's rather offensive to people that do. My close family member for example has a hearing loss and he finds it hard in group situations because of picking out individual conversations. You really shouldn't use that as an insult pp.

Why on Earth are you taking a straightforward question as an insult and then getting defensive over it? You specifically said that you’re more used to socialising with men and made the point that they speak more slowly and deliberately and you find it easier to follow them. It’s not really a stretch to wonder what it is about people speaking more quickly and less deliberately that makes it difficult for you to follow

If you’re anything in real life like you’re coming across on this thread I think we’ve found out why many people seem to dislike you.

I have never noticed that men speak more slowly either

What I have noticed is that men in groups, or at lest the ones of DH’s ilk, prefer to talk about themselves. One to one they’re all fine, but get me in the midst of a group of them and you lose the will to live. Cycling, triathlons, car racing, stock markets, work, networking, business ideas, ra ra ra. Or they launch into a tirade about something truly random yet apparently fascinating (usually about themselves). They tend to get worse with age and unfortunately, this fact is coming home to roost in my current experience. So no, I don’t find men more interesting than women - not at all and I never did. If I didn’t have female friends and all the varied conversations we have, I’d have lost the plot long long ago.

Perisoire: At least you don’t get the ‘why don’t you drink?’ questions 😂. Although I think all teetotals get that question, regardless of race and religion!
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Yes they do!

You'd fit in well enough where I live, nobody would bat an eyelid at a Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, white, black, brown, Irish, Chinese - or eskimo (Inuit), (not that I've seen the latter but there is time). Come and live in SELondon/Kent borders and feel free!

(Hee hee, I wonder what people would say to an Inuit? "Do you chew your boots to soften them up?" "Do you eat raw fish?" "Do you shop in Iceland?" "How do you like our weather?")

Don't try to be clever (and mean) crystalshark. It's so transparent.

If you’re anything in real life like you’re coming across on this thread I think we’ve found out why many people seem to dislike you.

And what a charming person you are.
I think we all know that asking someone if they have learning or comprehension or hearing difficulties in such a blunt way is not cool or kind, but is in fact a rather nasty intentioned bit of bullying behaviour. Let's call a spade a spade and not kid ourselves and act all innocent. Or would you say that to someone IRL? I doubt it.

Anyway thanks to all those folks who understood where I was coming from. There are lots of us out there who have experienced the ' housewives of Beverly hills or wherever (TV program) type schoolgate mum.

Also, those on the thread trying to turn the tables on me, when I never insulted you personally, but just described a specific experience, you've just kind of made the point for me. Quick to judge, quick to exclude, quick to feel that superiority from putting down another. A bit if an own goal there

Bye for now. I'm gone.

Cliques are shit anyway...it may seem like everyone is besties and loving life ( cringe) but sooner or later the drama blows everyone apart.

Team downbutnotout2018 all the way.
I'll admit it groups of made up women who already know each other scare the shit out of me and I end up just creepy smiling or squeaking a squeaky word at them

I’m the same as this but with everyone, not just women.

No matter where I go or what group I’m in I’ll always be the one on my own. I can’t make small talk and am just awkward and I absolutely do feel inferior to other people and assume they won’t want to speak to me because of X,Y,Z. Unfortunately I know that a lot of the time this can come across as rudeness so probably a lot of people think I’m standoffish therefore wouldn’t make an effort with me (understandably so).

@downbutnotout2018 Not read all the replies, and might not be a popular opinion on here, but I'm with you on this one!
been at the school gates or invited to kids parties for approx 10 years now - other women (in my experience!) have always been in their own little cliques and won't let you near.
Blokes on the other hand don't tend to go on for all that clique shit that's prevalent (NAWALT before anyone starts) so I'd rather talk to them lol

Some women are cliquey and unwelcoming unless you appear to fit in with their tribe. It sounds like you encountered a bunch of them at this party

Agree with this - took me to my 30s to realise how fully I appreciated never being in with the so called "popular" tribe at school when I came across a school gate clique of mums when eldest started school!
Never known anything like it lol, first time I'd been in a girl popular clique thing.
Utter bollocks, used to fall out with each other every other week or ghost people then be all friendly, or bitch behind their backs. Or be nice then you meet up and they'd do the smiley face pretend thing but then turn back to their real bestie after speaking to you.
Bleh, at least blokes say what they think to your face lol aware generalising but don't give a shit, the bitchiness cattiness does seem to be a female thing

“I hate small talk!

At least with blokes you can talk about sport!”

Haha at the idea that talking about sport isn’t small talk! Of course it is, it’s just that because it’s a stereotypical men’s topic for small talk it’s not looked down on. What kind of in-depth conversations are people looking for at a birthday party FFS? I’m not going to be at my conversational best under those circumstances, I’ll do my best, but many people stick to blandish topics of conversation out of friendliness and politeness with people they don’t know well until, given time, you get to know each other better and you branch out. Friendships and connections take time to build. By all means don’t join in if the bland stage is too much effort, but don’t then complain that you have no one to talk to at children’s parties

I don't think is a man/woman thing, I think it's a 'groups of people who already know each other' thing. Lots of sexist comments on this thread. I disagree that women talk about more 'inane' stuff than men or don't like sport or have to look 'bland' to be liked by other women

Honestly I find it depressing when women generalise like this about their own sex.

What a weirdly goady thread

OP describes a group of women as

Constant smiles plastered on
Not very authentic
Clique
Bitchy
Dolled up
Relying on husband’s money
Superficial
Displaying virtue
Different breed
Different tribe

And if anyone suggests that her negative outlook on them may be what’s hampering her social interactions, she takes this as confirmation that all women are bitchy and cliquey and flounces.

corlourless what a weirdly goady response

I expect other women pick up on your internalised misogyny.

I was thinking the same thing. I used to carry a lot of that myself without even realising.

Stop using misogynistic language towards other women is a start.

Thread TITLE I think I've forgotten how to interact with women

OP describes a situation and half agree because they've had that experience.
The other half accuse OP of bitchiness, misogyny and sexism.
It's her fault women don't like her, its not womens fault for not being friendly only her fault for not being friendly to the unfriendly women. As an aside Women who are uncomfortable around Women in cliques and speak to men instead are dodgy shady fuckers that 50% suspect and mistrust....we give off a vibe that causes the 50% to feel awkward.

50/50 on the internalised misogyny front too As the first rule of misogyny is Its always the womans fault. In this case OP is the scapegoat despite admissions that her very presence causes the Cliqueys to feel unfriendly. She is at fault for noticing that they are unfriendly.

Bloody good observation OP, this is beautiful. Holier than thous tying themselves in knots to appear superior and failing miserably.

Women in cliques are scary. You 50% don't notice it because you're inside looking out.....at us, down your noses.

Haha good one, no I’ve never been in a “clique”, and I’ve been on the receiving end of rudeness and exclusion from both men and women. What I don’t do is go around assuming it’s just women who have this particular character trait and deciding that every other woman in the world is exactly the same whilst I am special and different because I have lots of conversations with men

OP, could you start an argument in an empty room I wonder?

I mean this kindly but sometimes when a lot of different people seem to have an issue with you/you’re struggling socially, it’s worth looking at the common denominator. You seem quite defensive and prickly (as well as pretty judgmental about women as a whole) which can be really hard work and most new people you come across who get wind of those traits aren’t likely to want to put the time and effort in to get past them and socialise with you.