A lot of people on Mumsnet are so horrible!

[Unusualusernames]

Is it just me or are there a lot of really nasty people who comment on Mumsnet?

I seem to come across more and more people who comment on quite innocuous posts to the tune of "get over yourself".

I'd get it if it was a controversial post but I often see this where someone has posted something they're obviously upset about. I just don't understand some people's mentality.

I think there's a lot of useful advice on here and I've been coming on here for years but I don't really get why people go on the internet to get into arguments or make unnecessary barbed comments. I find it really weird.

I'm thinking of deleting my account now because the levels of aggression and negativity don't rest well with me.

Mumsnet is super weird. It has it's own moral code, completely unlike anything in RL.

It's useful too sometimes.

I am often amazed by the kindness shown by many, the encouragement, the sisterhood. I keep multiple threads open, waiting to hear that someone is alright, or a DH, or a DC. I try to skip the negativity and enjoy the lovely, kind and positive posts. It’s like coworkers. There’s always the one group that thrives on being mean, but you rise above it.

I post on other forums which are mire heavily moderated and they are much nicer. People can still be arseholes, but direct personal attacks aren't allowed. I've been called a nutter in the last 10 mins on here!

There should also be an anonymous uptick or recommended button for posts. I think that would change the landscape here for the better. Some of the more aggressive posters might be surprised at what gets upticked.

The first reply to the OP can set the tone for the rest of the thread. I have just read one thread where the first line of the first reply literally contained "grow the fuck up".

AIBU is not the only place. I posted about something I was upset over and got really nasty replies in relationships. I got one that was simply "YABU" (!). When I pointed out it was the relationships board and not AIBU, I was told that if I needed a telling off then I'd still get it relationships.

A lot of unnecessary nastiness. I have read horrible things on here when the pack gets wound up. I reported a post yesterday for calling someone "scum".

AIBU is a dream for Mumsnet HQ.

Loads of traffic, lots of people who come to rubberneck, participate or comment on the kicking an OP is getting on a thread.

And all those posts and time spent on here, is data that can be given to advertisers to persuade them to pay more.

There's no way Mumsnet HQ would want to closely moderate AIBU or remove some of the 'nasty' posters on here. It is sort of the stock in trade now, the USP that brings a lot of people here.

I don't agree with it at all, but I can see what they are doing so to speak.

Yes sadly its clear that mnet makes a lot of money out of people's misery on AIBU

I know this is a zombie thread but I agree and understand why @Liveforfridays has reanimated it.

And yes - the thread where the first poster said "grow the fuck up" is a prime example.

AIBU has always been bad - I've been here for 12 years, and it's not called Fight Club for no reason! (Ok, I know it says it's NOT Fight Club but that's why - or used to be, it's been removed now!)
Also why this place was referred to as a "nest of vipers".

But yes - the first response often sets the tone for the next several posts at least, until someone reads the OP properly and then responds in a more helpful manner! AIBU attitudes even spill over into other boards sometimes, which is even less helpful!

But I have to say that the number of nice and helpful posters do generally outweigh the miserable fuckers who just want to poke sticks in OPs, in my experience. You just have to skim past the horrible posts and focus on the ones who offer proper advice.

@1Morewineplease

I have lurked and responded to posts for a little while now and , on occasion, would love to garner the collective wisdom of MN with a thread of my own. I daren’t as I’m not very good with hearing vitriol , which almost every post, these days, seems to attract.

Ah that’s a shame @1Morewineplease

I work on the basis of using chat if I want reasonable responses and AIBU if I want the hard brutal truth. Bracing myself beforehand

I posted in AIBU once. Never again. Proper abuse and vitriol. There's a lot of very sad people out there, probably with multiple accounts.

Hide AIBU, FWR and Coronavirus boards and you’ll get rid of much of the posts reeking of ageism, racism and transphobia. And the stuff that if said in real life that lead to social exclusion

(would lead, not that lead)

There are some lovely people here but there are some very unpleasant nasty individuals also.

It's not helped by the ability to namechange as often as you want. Why on earth MN allows this, god alone knows. (I know someone will say because it is for those who need an extra cloak of anonymity, but it is abused by sock puppeting, multiple accounts, banned posters returning again and again and again, so the disadvantages outweight the benefits).

I have been on MN for about 16 or more years. It would be a better place if MN stopped namechanging and you owned your name and your posts.

And yes, I've had any number of personal insults thrown at me

It's the internet, where people can behave without repercussions.

Do you honestly think the majority of the brave ones here would be so brave in real life?

I don't.

It is not just AIBU it is everywhere.

It is not about opinions or straight talking, it is about power. Having the ability to comment on everything affords us a certain degree of power, and some wield this badly.

Yes i agree emeeno, power. And it is everywhere on mumsnet. I'll leave again soon. I periodically leave for a few months and am always startled when i come back. There's a very definite hive mind.

As a quick example, there was a thread a couple of days ago, regarding a house sale with photos. The thread received hundreds of posts, many 'straight talking' and highly critical. The original poster returned and began to rearrange her house on the advice of commentators, she did not know and of whom she had no idea on their actual expertise.

That is power.

Come over to the cafe OP

We have cake, kitten bees and Florence, the French pastry chef.

I can see that this is a resurrected thread but very timely as DD has banned me from using Mumsnet because of a thread I posted in AIBU over the weekend. To be fair, it was my fault for putting the OP badly 😀. So I can only post now when she's not around.

Even in chat though you get people looking through the OP with a fine tooth comb to find anything they can jump on. Wrong use of a word, poor grammar bit of exaggerating and bam that’s all they focus on.
Never mind if someone is having a terrible time and basically crying out for a human response.
It’s so tedious you can see it coming oh OP you have said tragic..
“It’s not tragic though is it thousands of people dying in X example is tragic” blah blah

There are some lovely funny threads-those are uplifting. Ignore anything goady. There are some posters who make every ad hominem, just don't rise to the bait.

There are a few posters who have gone to considerable lengths to cultivate what they like to see as no nonsense straight talking personas but are too lacking in self awareness to realise they are just being unhelpful rude twats. Even when this is pointed out by a number of people they double down with even more strident posturing. Its very odd and I am not sure what they gain from it.

ilovebagpuss yes its weird. As if by spotting a spelling mistake they can see into the OPs soul.

I agree and that's why I'm more of a reader then a writer on MN. But then I think more of Ys could try calling out all the unpleasant posts and it might help. It's difficult though, I've seen OP's get offended and try to handle it to then be shot down for being 'defensive' or 'snippy'.

I also think a rude poster may sometimes have a point in the message they are conveying but they say it usually in such a sarcastic, offensive way that the point is lost.

There are some lovely helpful, compassionate people on here. Unfortunately there seems to be too many nasty, racist people as well.

There are some real horrors on here. I was on here years ago and it was quite often referred to as the vipers pit. It tends to be people who have been on here a long time and think they own the place. They wouldn’t say it in real life, I don’t think. And if they did, at least you could get satisfaction from telling them they’re an arsehole to their face.