A lot of people on Mumsnet are so horrible!

[Unusualusernames]

Is it just me or are there a lot of really nasty people who comment on Mumsnet?

I seem to come across more and more people who comment on quite innocuous posts to the tune of "get over yourself".

I'd get it if it was a controversial post but I often see this where someone has posted something they're obviously upset about. I just don't understand some people's mentality.

I think there's a lot of useful advice on here and I've been coming on here for years but I don't really get why people go on the internet to get into arguments or make unnecessary barbed comments. I find it really weird.

I'm thinking of deleting my account now because the levels of aggression and negativity don't rest well with me.

I mainly come on here for aibu but you do need a thick skin. There are some arseholes.

I think a lot of posters have MN fatigue and this comes across as being “mean”. Thread after thread after thread on whining about MILs or lazy husbands or a colleague that gets on someone’s nerves.

People post about the most ridiculously stupid things that don’t warrant a thread and I think this shows in the responses.

@WalkofShame I think there is a difference though between telling it like it is (helpful) and giving someone a pasting (cruel).

I too also like the straight talking. But sometimes posters go too far. Sometimes there appears to be a group who descend on a thread with the purpose of being unkind.

I think that is why so many of these threads are posted, because it happens again and again.

Well said isabellerossignol.

I wouldn't say anything on here that I wouldn't say in real life. I'm not always nice, I don't have to be nice all the time. It's not a requirement of being a woman.

Lots of people crying nasty and mean actually just mean, someone disagreed with me and I don't like it.

The straight talking was the original draw of MN. If you wanted patting on the head and calling hun you went to the other place, and that's fine.

I agree and I think the comments calling people weird or delusional are pretty nasty. It often stops me posting for advice.

Mumsnet is the same as every group.

There are nice people, straight talking people, nasty people. Some people need to be told to get a grip.

Some people post here incessantly for attention and sympathy. Some people lie. Some people post too many details. Some ops love being goady. Some Ops need help.

Mumsnet has been told this by numerous people in the 10 years i have been here. Its not really any different to when I joined.

Wasn't there another "MN is full of meanies" thread last week as well?

MN has a cross section of society on it. Some will be rich, some will be poor, some will be super supportive to the point of hunning, others more balanced, some will be arseholes. Some give balanced advice, some view any bump in a relationship as a red flag thats a sign people need their ducks in a row and to LTB. Some people disagree on lots of topics but it's respectful and interesting. Some people are only interested in their opinion being right. Some people spend time offering advice and guidance from their professional lives to support others.

Equally, some people post seeking genuine advice, some post for idle chit chat on interesting topics, some come on seeking validation and then get stroppy if anyone points out any inconsistencies/contradictions in their story, some turn up on boards and threads for no other reason than to say that people are evil, mean, nasty bitches. Some people want to have their actions confirmed and flounce or create a pity party when they're not told they're great, others really want to talk and reflect and change situations. Some are the equivalent of your mate offline who bitches about her boyfriend for months and every time she ignores your advice so by the 7th time she's complaining people get a bit fed up.

It's a cross section of life. There's a lot of goodness. If you're after hugs and huns all the time then maybe it's not for you.

I agree with @LolaSmiles.

I disagree with the 'wouldn't say it to your face' way of thinking. Actually I think most would say it to your face. Well I would anyway

The 'they wouldnt say it to your face' line, is very odd.

Because I have never experienced a person come up to a big group of strangers, give them an overview of a situation and ask for advice. So the2 situations arent the same.

I also think if someone did this to a group of hundreds, of course plenty would say the same to their face as they do over a computer.

And of course you would get a ridiculous amount of differing views.

I don't know why people come on MN if you just want folk to agree with you no matter what they really believe.

There are fora where you can spout a lot of BS & nobody challenges b/c that's how the forums are moderated.

Infections are caused by 'imbalance' and not viruses: yup, no one will challenge that.

Dogs are more important than people: yup, no challenging that.

The right way to raise your children is to let them wake you up all night & dominate your needs (Alfie Kuhn distortion), plus anyone who says otherwise is an evil selfish parent: sure, that's exactly right, at least no one will tell you otherwise.

Here's a secret: you don't have to believe that anyone on MN is speaking sense. Listen to the logic of what they say & if you agree. If the logic is bad, they are speaking rubbish & you can ignore. I'm convinced that if we knew each other in person, 80% of the time we'd instantly decide "I don't have anything in common with you plus I know your personal & parenting history is crap so I can easily discount everything you say and not even bother to reply."

How many times will this be posted?

Think you meant to post here?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/flouncers_corner

MN should just get rid of AIBU, I have no idea why it's seen as ok to be bolshy and rude to posters on there and not elsewhere.

MN is the last place I'd come for support as a new mum tbh,which is a shame.

I've been here 12 yrs + and there isn't the humour there was.

I post through habit more than anything but have huge breaks now and again. I keep meaning to check out other sites.

MN should just get rid of AIBU

Why would they get rid of one their busiest sections? Seriously, from a commercial point of view, AIBU is a goldmine as it brings so much traffic through the site.

What surprises me is that people actually think the things they write (even if they wouldn't say them to to my face) I'm very suspicious of the other parents sitting with me outside various extra curricular actives incase they are secret mumnetters and judging me.

The gaslighting and down right nasty bullying is absolutely shameful, coming from a group of people who advocate against these behaviours in personal relationships it’s horrific to see it being perpetrated on these boards against posters.

Anyone can post on MN. Literally anyone, unless they are banned. They aren't necessarily here to get or give help or support. A lot of people in real life aren't very nice. A lot of them spend time on the internet.

Just learn to ignore. If they get to you they are achieving their aims.

I suggest you spend some time on Twitter and then you will gladly come back to the safety of MN.

I always imagine the rude horrible posters must have zero friends in the real world. They are so bitter that their only joy in life is to come on here to try and make other people feel like shit

It's like road rage. Ever so brave from behind the safety of our steering wheel/keyboard.

I like to think people aren't so awful IRL. I rarely meet anyone who is.

blue7
I'd agree where people are always horrible.

But sometimes what's counted as horrible is just like what happens in life.

E.g. I ended up drifting from a friend who ended up asking us all for advice on men, ignoring it, having issues, bad breakups, another man (same issues as last one), we'd give advice, she'd ignore it and tell us none of us understand/change the story every 5 seconds depending on what response she wanted. This went on for years and as time went on we all realised she had become an emotional vampire, wanted all the sympathy and the hunning and the attention but had absolutely no intention of actualy doing anything to change.
Some friends in the group did tell her to get a grip, stop seeking drama and got annoyed. I stopped making an effort and she's not been bothered enough to check in.

The same happens on MN:
OP: AIBU?
MN (mainly): yes YABU
OP: no I'm not... Drip feed... Change story... Subtle phrasing changes to change the response
Minority of posters: Ignore everyone else OP MN is full of bitches
OP: Replies only to those offering validation. I know right. I can't believe I'd ever thought I'd get advice on MN.

lljkk
I don't know why people come on MN if you just want folk to agree with you no matter what they really believe

I don’t think people have a problem with other posters disagreeing with them. It’s when they disagree with them in an obnoxious and unkind way. You are a long term poster, I think you know the difference.

I often disagree with OPs but I don’t feel the need to put the boot in. OPs are more likely to change their opinion if you explain your point of view without sounding like a cow

I've just read a post and someone had to end it with FFS . Why be so angry? Chill.

I don't think the majority of posters here are unkind. Obviously some are, but most are sensible and direct.

I do think that some people come on here just to hear what they want to hear and when someone dares to disagree they're either unkind or jealous. No, sometimes maybe you're just being a dong.

I think it's fine to be straight with people; my family are very direct and open so if we're upset or angry we talk it over and it's done. DH's family are non-confrontational and never address anything. I think Mumsnet is the same and when you get blunt-like-a-spade-to-the-face posters responding to delicate posters, obviously feelings might get hurt.

@isabellerossignol Spot on.

There are also some threads that are posted light heartedly and some of the responses (and the ganging up) are just terrible - bullying. The thing is, it’s enabled by mumsnet hq as they like the publicity - I’ve reported these threads before and have been told by mumsnet hq that mumsnet is supposed to be a place for robust discussion.

I’ve seen ganging up and bullying on threads on telly addicts, for God’s sake. I think it was a new poster and some of the regular posters took offence to her/him posting on there.

That said, there are still some lovely, helpful posters on here. You just have to hope that one of the pack of bullies doesn’t see the thread so that they all join in.

YANBU some people are nasty.

YANBU, some people are super angry on here. But I find that most aren’t. Unless your in AIBU, but you’re just asking to get your arse handed to you on there