A lot of people on Mumsnet are so horrible!

[Unusualusernames]

Is it just me or are there a lot of really nasty people who comment on Mumsnet?

I seem to come across more and more people who comment on quite innocuous posts to the tune of "get over yourself".

I'd get it if it was a controversial post but I often see this where someone has posted something they're obviously upset about. I just don't understand some people's mentality.

I think there's a lot of useful advice on here and I've been coming on here for years but I don't really get why people go on the internet to get into arguments or make unnecessary barbed comments. I find it really weird.

I'm thinking of deleting my account now because the levels of aggression and negativity don't rest well with me.

So in agreement here.

I thought the days of challenging abused women about why there are still with the bastard, etc.,were behind us. This is why I wonder about the genuineness of some posters.

Unfortunately I have seen the bulky posters drive away the supportive ones.

I don't understand why there is confusion and anger around supporting women in da on a womens forum?!? Most odd.

I disagree with women, but generally find in real life you can disagree while still being friendly.

Here it is sport to try to make OP cry, which is a huge difference.

People upset with "Huns" need to ask themselves why are they so bitter with the world, that sympathy shown to another human upsets them?

Oddly, male dominated forums (like Reddit) tend to be far more supportive IMO. I don't know what's in the water here but I'm guessing it's been a moderator(s) mistake to acquiesce to the demands of vocal bullies to keep AIBU harsh/blunt or whatever they want to convince themselves that it is. I'm sure the nastiness gets more clicks/revenue. The truth though of what it's become is a lot of undue rage and bitterness.

Just remember, the users are the product here. Whatever generates the most clicks and money for MNHQ, is the behaviour that is going to be promoted. Mental health of posters be damned.

I think in many cases it’s that ‘the truth hurts’ and it’s misinterpreted as being mean. People don’t like what they hear because it forces them to take a long hard look at their life choices!

I think there's quite a bit of advice fatigue on AIBU now.

It doesn't matter what the AIBU is, because this forum has been around for years, it will have been discussed before and so the responses just reach for the stock answers.

Also people know there's relatively decent chance that the OP is inaccurate, one-sided or simply made up, and so they invest less thought in their replies than they used to.

skittle I agree.

Plus most people don't like when women are brutally honest. There's a thread here weekly complaining about how mean we are. I doubt you get that on male oriented sites.

I think some people on MN can be horrible but not lots of them. The majority of posters are fine but you don't notice those posters as their comments are so normal. It's just that the "controversial" comments stand out and so you remember them more. I don't understand why some people have to be unnecessarily mean though. Must fulfil an unmet need somewhere I guess...

I agree.

@Stapelberg see the problem I think, with what you wrote was that it was just a description of why you think your little boy is great!!! Of course he is to you and you obviously love him very much and that shines through but unfortunately we are not a nation that thrive on other peoples’ Happiness and good fortune. Some would have seen your post as being smug I think, though I don’t think it was. It’s good to find the positive in life and the people close to us.

Stapelberg described what could be seen as a stereotypical boy and a portion of mn has a huge issue with that. No girl should be given pink items, no boy bue etc.

Its an awful place
I rarely read any threads now
Some in here are spiteful beyond belief

I’ve posted before about starting a job knowing I would be leaving. The vitriol I received! I was told to not take the job and that I was selfish. I took the job and left anyway so angry comments on Mumsnet from random people made no difference to my life.

Once years ago, I posted about whether I would be able to have a CS and the reasons why I wanted one (genuine), and I still remember the vitriol I got from some posters, it was shocking. I still remember the main antagonist's user name.

I think quite a few posters are on here to basically be controversial, stir up trouble and vent their anger - not at the actual issue, but because they are angry confrontational people and it's a form of entertainment for them, sadly.

It’s the wilful misunderstanding that makes me laugh (not happily).

It appears to be perpetrated by posters who are cherishing some sort of resentment and leap on any allusion to their problem, immediately personalising it.

It’s not just stepmother threads, although you see a lot of that.

There was a great example a couple of years ago. An OP said that she was irritated by a friend who affected being delicate and insisted on everybody going to bed early on group holidays, despite being in perfect health, working full time and dancing three nights a week when not on holiday.

Responses included:

• You are a horrible person.

• You don’t deserve friends.

• You sound jealous.

• Your friend probably has MS and you are cruel. I have MS and I am very very ill, but never once have I complained etc etc.

Despite the OP repeating that her friend had nothing wrong with her, the bleeding hearts continued with the ‘secret illness’ theme, asking for sympathy for their own illnesses and berating the OP for tormenting the sick, for pages. It was bizarre. I couldn’t look away! Who are these people?

I think that, aside from the genuine, bored/nasty. Troll types. We all have vastly different experiences in life.

Hence any advice given will be coloured by that experience. What doesn't help one OP may indeed save another.

I don't actually find it that different to real life, except that in real life most people who disagree would just avoid you and judge from a distance.

If you just want everyone to agree, yes, it is a really shitty place

Do a name search and you’ll find them bring nasty in several threads simultaneously. It’s a hobby to some, call it out.

People upset with "Huns" need to ask themselves why are they so bitter with the world, that sympathy shown to another human upsets them?
I think there is a difference between "huns" and showing sympathy.
Hunning usually involves telling the OP what they want to hear, taking what they say as 100% of the story, calling anyone who queries elements of the story bitches.

Sometimes hunning is really unfair to the poster. Think about how many threads people post images of early pregnancy tests that are clearly negative and then people pile in to congratulate the OP because it's definitely a squinter, only for the OP to come back really upset thinking they've had a miscarriage when the likelihood is they were never pregnant?

Equally, if there's questions on the conduct of both sides in a relationship then hunning the OP and validating their victimhood doesn't actually help them make decent decisions moving forward because sometimes to make the right decision we have to think of our actions and the impact.

People advocating LTB, declaring one argument is a red flag, that OP should totally go to Ofsted with the non issue etc are all hunning. They're more concerned with silly back patting that they're not thinking about the impact of someone taking that advice.

Skittlenommer
I agree. There is a difference between telling the truth/pointing out inconsistencies and being utterly unpleasant.

Offline, if someone changes their story every 5 seconds or the events change or the retelling gets more emotionally charged or someone drip feeds or reframes the story after they've been told they are in the wrong, most people would think the person was chatting shit in places to get the validation they want.
MN is no different. If page 1 shows a minor disagreement but by p5 it was a street brawl then people are going to question it and query how honest the OP is. It doesn't justify being unpleasant though.

I’ve wondered if some tabloid journalists start threads, or post something inflammatory, then sit back and wait for the bun fight. Then they can post their “look at the bitchy women arguing with each other” stories.

I've stoped posting and asking for advise on hear as I get some really unpleasant comments. It's like they don't want you to do well and want to drag you down.

lol “hunning”. I’ve learnt a new word today.

Lola exactly.

Mackerz
I have no idea if there is a proper word for Hun-like behaviour. Hunning seems to make sense though.

In general I think hunning can be comparable to being unpleasantly brutal. Both are more about the poster feeling good about themselves (either by self-congratulatory "aren't I good because I made them feel good about themselves even if I know I'm lying and being insincere" or self-congratulatory "aha in an advanced search you said you lived in Liverpool but now you've said you're 50miles from your in-laws in London so your whole thread just be bollocks").

Most people are quite happy to be honest, not lie to make people feel better, will try to be helpful but can't be bothered with bullshitting.

@lola

I think it’s a great word, it does sum it up and made me smile.

Oh definitely only on mumsnet do you get called a stupid drama queen for expressing a different opinion.

stairway
Or jealous. Being jealous is the ultimate way to slap down someone's alternative point of view.
Think someone is being lazy because they started a thread about how they have adult children, a cleaner, a gardener, an ironing lady and their husband has been totally unreasonable to suggest they get a part time job... You can't say that. You're just jealous of her life.