A lot of people on Mumsnet are so horrible!

[Unusualusernames]

Is it just me or are there a lot of really nasty people who comment on Mumsnet?

I seem to come across more and more people who comment on quite innocuous posts to the tune of "get over yourself".

I'd get it if it was a controversial post but I often see this where someone has posted something they're obviously upset about. I just don't understand some people's mentality.

I think there's a lot of useful advice on here and I've been coming on here for years but I don't really get why people go on the internet to get into arguments or make unnecessary barbed comments. I find it really weird.

I'm thinking of deleting my account now because the levels of aggression and negativity don't rest well with me.

I don't know why people come on MN if you just want folk to agree with you no matter what they really believe

Same. It’s an odd mentality. Just agreeing for the sake of it. Vacuous almost.

I don’t post a lot anymore since I did a thread about my neighbours harassing me after my severe domestic violence and it somehow got turned on me! It was really awful. Most posters are wonderful though it just seems like AIBU is a bit of a lions den

Yes, Unusualnames. However there are a lot of nice, positive posters too. Don't let it get to you, we don't know eachother in real life, we can walk away from a thread quite easily. Please don't delete your account.

I don’t think people have a problem with other posters disagreeing with them. It’s when they disagree with them in an obnoxious and unkind way.

This ^^ Saw a thread in which one poster went against one of the 'Mumsnet views' and people started being nasty to them. It's a pity but some subjects simply cannot be discussed or debated on Mumsnet anymore.

The self importance both entertains and annoys me. There was a post the other day and at the end of the thread the OP posted that she’d made an appointment with a solicitor. The next poster wrote “show your solicitor this thread”. As clearly the solicitor was going to think “oh that law degree, LLB and training contract were such a waste of time, I should just ask a load of randoms on mumsnet instead”.

As clearly the solicitor was going to think “oh that law degree, LLB and training contract were such a waste of time, I should just ask a load of randoms on mumsnet instead”.

We get the same on education threads. There's loads of people on the same page who work in the field offering advice, then a few randoms whose total experience of teaching is going to school and having kids turn up shouting about ofsted, local authority, nonsense about the law etc. As if somehow anyone in the field will say "oh sorry about that the law does indeed change because you don't agree".

I think it’s worth bearing in mind that it’s possible that the people on here are not who they claim to be.

I expect AIBU to be rather unkind but I’m taken aback when people are unpleasant on other sections. A few weeks ago someone told me that a book that I’d said I’d enjoyed “looks like it’s boring and futile”. Which was weird because I’d read it and they hadn’t.

AIBU is always going to be contentious. When you say horrible, do you mean people that disagree or think someone’s being unreasonable? Sometimes on here people who so obviously are being unreasonable do need a reality check. As long as you don’t get aggressive, you should be able to state that someone is being unreasonable without them flouncing off accusing people of being mean.

Its ironic that so many posting responses on AIBU are BVVVU!

AIBU is lauded as one of the main events of MN that differentiates it from other forums, women actually ask AIBU. This is not a thing anywhere else AFAIK, and there are many TRA types that will attack anything they feel threatens them.

Ita a case of keep reading the reasonable ones, and avoid those that are BVVVU!

To come to a thread and start swearing at the OP and denigratig and goading them just because they disagree is twattish and cruel behaviour. These people lack in empathy, and just feel very threatened.

Sadly, I agree, a lot of this is reflected in society, where people don't know how to respond other than shout and swear instead of talking about an issue. Its just bullying and ignorance.

If people delete their accounts the ignorant bullies win, they haven't grown beyond the school playground.

YADNBU

MRA (and TRA also actually)

@truthontrial

What do MRA and TRA mean please? I thought I’d got my head around mumsnet acronyms!

Sorry, those thst want to attack women and their spaces, like MRA (male rights activists) do, TRA (trans rights activists) are also attacking MN. It all has a similar MO, the goading, the circling and derailing/disruption and unnecessary horrible attacks. They are BVVVU!

Conversely I think sometimes MN isn't harsh enough - I get the impression people post to have their own opinions validated and they don't like to hear opposing views and opinions. That's when they feel judged?

MN is a breeding ground for anti men sentiment and is so hypocritical - I commonly see posts to leave the bastard for the slightest thing but regularly see women supported in deceiving their husbands

The minority view holders are also the most vociferous and aggressive and down right rude when they hear other people's opinions

Yet this isn't exactly the type of thread that's calculated to garner positivity, is it?

Better to try to counter the problem (or avoid it entirely), rather than inflaming and perpetuating it.

Agreed, but there are ways of responding.

Its come up a few times that disagreeing and abusing are very different things!

I wholeheartedly agree, and I do think its worth having discussion about, because that can be a positive and not necessarily a negative atall. Especially when some consider closig their accounts because of completely unreasonable behaviour by other posters.

All instances of this are not reported from what I can see. Many horrendous posts are left to stand, that are goady, inflammatory, and downright abusive. Why are they not reported, as then MN would take them down?

Thanks @TruthOnTrial

I generally stick to a couple of special interest areas but I have seen some posts that I thought sounded like a man with a vendetta.

There a lot of nasty people in the world never mind on mumsnet. The internet also makes some people feel very free to post nasty things. Keyboard warriors. Also you have a wide demographic of people who would never come across each other in real life, all with differing views, backgrounds, situations etc. It was never going to be pretty really!

@truthontrial i think for people who have stuck around for a while recognise certain threads and topics will blow up and will step back to avoid an argument, but new posters are probably unaware and they are possibly seen as easy targets? There are definitely certain subjects that are almost guaranteed to attract very personal and unkind comments. I wonder if MN towers could think about putting a symbol next to the thread title to indicate a new poster?

I think the op makes a good point. When my DC were small , 15 yrs or so ago, I would have been happy to post for help, because I was worried by some aspect of child-rearing. Now, unless it was the most banal, non-controversial question, I doubt I would do that for fear of snippiness, rudeness or outright mocking tbh! And I think that's a great shame given that this is a forum that is meant to be supportive to parents. Don't get me wrong, Mumsnet has always had its spiky side, but there is less "safe ground" now.

Some people are just full of their own self importance and think their opinion is much more valid than anyone else’s. Plus you can channel you name on here as many times as you want so some of the nasty replies are probably from the same person. Some people are just nuts

I think a lot of the posts are goady too.

“ AIbu to hire a cleaner”

“I earn a six figure sum and DH earns similar but we can only just manage in our 5 bedroom London townhouse. I really think a cleaner would help but we may have to trade the Landrover in for a Fiat and I’m not sure how the kids would get to PrIvate School in that”

I've noticed this alot recently and has spilled over to relationships thread where quite a few vulnerable people post.

There is a marked increase in victim blaming, particularly on DV threads, which is really quite upsetting to read. One recently descended into immediate disbelief of the OP and then openly mocking and pulling apart every aspect of her story, even down to criticising her spelling FFS. When the thread was reported, people started backtracking in the name of 'troll hunting' but it was blatant online bullying by that point and the OP wasnt even a troll (had posted before about the relationship)

I have seen so much genuine support and amazing advice on MN and it's really sad that there are some posters willing to risk mocking a genuine OP for the sake of calling out a troll. Just report the thread FFS and don't engage!

I know it's an open forum but there is no need to be absolutely vile to people. There is a line between bluntness/honesty and openly tearing an OP down in order to get the most laughs from other PPs.

Posting under multiple user names on one thread is rightly frowned on, so MN could delete those.

There is definitely a concerted effort to shut down women suffering dv and vulnerable.

Lends credence to the MRA theory.

I think theres always been angry abusive men targetting such as this,

I'm really glad OP started a thread on this to highlight how bad this problem is.

More people on here are lovely and helpful 😊 full of common sense and put things into perspective

I agree notsodimwit, I've had some really helpful advice on here. Equally, I've had some nasty comments too.

The one thing that really pisses me off on AIBU are the posters who ask why someone has had a child with a partner who's abusive/ useless. What are they supposed to do? Send the child back?

Judgemental and not at all helpful