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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be driving her dd?

215 replies

sailingclosetothewind · 07/09/2019 13:28

I will keep this brief. It is a school run dilemma.

My dd and another girl in her year from primary school have just started the same senior school half an hour away. We know them from primary school to chat to, they are in the next village along from us (not very close but not so far) we have had the odd play date in the last few years, but the girls are not friends and have never shared a class etc.

Over the summer the girl's mother approached me and we met up a few times. Since then she has asked me if we can share lifts to school, which is not a terrible idea until I found out she is planning to get a full time job in a city nearly an hour and a half hour away so she can not confirm what days, if any, she can drive them. So really she is asking me to do every school run fro her every day isn't she? Surely an arrangement would mean she would do some of the driving.

I am very reluctant to get into any fixed arrangements whatsoever (I have been on MN long enough) but she is increasingly putting pressure on me to agree. Every time I see her she asks, and texts me, can you pick up Clara today etc.

Am I being U to not take her dd to school and back each day? I have two other dc at a different school, and school clubs to take into account. Factoring in a 15 minute detour to her house every day especially so early in the morning and home again is really not on, and unfair of her to ask me.

Am I right in thinking she needs to make her own arrangements for her child (she has just one dd, and if she has an emergency I am happy to help otherwise its really her responsibility. I feel like she is making it my problem!

Yesterday she was quite distant, and slightly off with me, I don't want things to be strained between us but I am not sure how to manage the situation.

OP posts:
OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 08/09/2019 21:52

Dear Gods! Well done OP. You'd have ended up as unpaid taxi and childcare for the next 5 years.

11years old and has never crossed the road alone?? Poor kid needs some independence, how on earth is she expected to deal with high school?

You've totally made the right decision, she's still trying to guilt trip you. Excellent instincts for detecting a CF!

-Wish mine were as good-

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 08/09/2019 22:01

Sigh. Also wish my strikethroughs and tagging would work @MNHQ any chance of fixing the site issues soon?

Once again, well done OP!

billy1966 · 08/09/2019 22:24

OP, her response does not require a further response from you.
The matter is closed.

Clearly she expected you to capitulate.

Imagine having to deal with her and her entitled whining on a daily/weekly basis.

The difference between one and three children is huge.

She sounds unbelievably lazy.

skunkatanka · 08/09/2019 22:39

That parent has seriously let her child down. She should have been prepping her for the journey for months- building up from walking to school, popping to the local shop, catching buses with parents to trying the route alone. You don't just leave it, get to 11 and the start of secondary and suddenly start thinking about transport!!! It's neither your problem nor your fault OP.

Drum2018 · 08/09/2019 22:53

Does she honestly think her little guilt trip will tug at your heart strings and make you decide to drive her dd to and from school? Definitely no response required.

SteeperThanHell · 08/09/2019 23:00

Ignoring is definitely the most sensible option.

DCICarolJordan · 08/09/2019 23:36

She clearly had no intention of ‘sharing’ the run if her daughter now needs to take the bus! What absolute shameless cheeky fuckery!
Well done OP 💐

Stompythedinosaur · 08/09/2019 23:42

You've had a lucky escape! Well done!

DemiGorgon · 09/09/2019 00:29

Be strong OP- you will feel a sense of relief.

I had similar but trip was only 5ish mins and the woman was a friend of mine.
DD1 begged me not to give her DD a lift, as the other DD was mean.
We were meant to share the drop offs but it became 95pct me.
It all came to a head when my DD could not find her DD at the allotted meeting place, so just hopped on transport (and I collected from transport drop off spot). The mother went apeshit at my (then) 11 year old DD. Telling her that other girl was crying and shaking at having been abandoned. The other kid was a bit of a bully, so guess she was putting on a show for her mother.
We stopped the arrangement there and then. DD1 is so much happier, other mother does not talk to me., other daughter ignores my DD at school. Bliss.

(and prepared when DD2 starts high school!)

ashtrayheart · 09/09/2019 00:31

Well done OP. The CFness of people never fails to amaze me!

MzHz · 09/09/2019 05:57

Ignore AND block!

She’s trying to blackmail you, 100%.

If she were genuinely interested in a lift “share” she’d be talking about what she CAN do and seeing what’s possible for when she can’t do drop off/pick up.

Despicable.

Tell anyone and everyone who knows her. She’ll be on the prowl for another chimp, seeing as her first choice hasn’t worked out.

Well done for seeing what she is and for standing up for yourself

Original poster
sailingclosetothewind · 09/09/2019 10:21

Apparently she missed the bus on the first day ffs. So CF had to drive her in anyway. I had a text asking if I was passing/had left yet first thing this morning???

Now I can see what she is, it makes things much easier!! Thank you for showing me the way :)

OP posts:
Rainycloudyday · 09/09/2019 10:24

Please OP stick to your guns and don’t even do a single ‘emergency’ school run as this type of person will grab that and run with it and never give you peace. She is a shameless user who wouldn’t have initiated this sudden friendship unless she saw you as an easy target to do her donkey work for her. Rest assured she wouldn’t go out of her way to do anything for you and once she realises you’re not up for being used, you will never hear from her again and any random coffee dates will stop dead. You have done well to see her for what she is and say no, now please have self respect and backbone and stick to that. If she stomps off in a huff then consider that an excellent result and don’t spare a second thought for what she thinks of you. Why would the opinions of such a dreadful person even entertain your headspace for one second?! You will likely have a few days/weeks of these emergency requests while she tries on that way in, but the quicker and more firmly you shut them down the quicker she will move on to another mug.

Scrumptiousbears · 09/09/2019 10:32

She's got some front.

dollydaydream114 · 09/09/2019 10:34

she doesn't feel xx is ready for a public bus as she has never crossed a road by herself

Shock

This woman's kid sounds like a right drip and I'm not surprised your DD doesn't want her on the school run.

SarahTancredi · 09/09/2019 10:50

I cant believe the guilt trip Shock

Like somehow cos she cant teach her child necessary life skills it's down to everyone else to help her?

Fuck that.

mankyfourthtoe · 09/09/2019 10:50

That woman is hysterical

ashtrayheart · 09/09/2019 11:33

Definitely don't oblige with any 'emergencies' as this sort will jump all over any sign of weakness !

1Wildheartsease · 09/09/2019 12:28

Clearly, she needs to arrange for a paid-for taxi. That must be so annoying when she thought she had bagged a free one.

Well done OP - stay firm. This term is all about establishing boundaries. Don't weaken even for emergencies.

billy1966 · 09/09/2019 12:31

Accommodate her once and you will be her go to person for all her emergencies.

Now that you have said No, and realise what she's like, you need her to delete your number as you are of no use to her.

I agree with Blocking her.
You do not want her requests taking your peace as you try and look after your children.

By blocking you won't have to deal with her.

5 or 6 years in school is a long, long time to be pestered by people like that.

I wouldn't care if it was convenient on occasion to help her. I simply will not entertain user's. They are always on the prowl to impose on someone. Anyone.
I have far too much self respect to allow myself to be used.

👍💐

RandomMess · 09/09/2019 12:34

She is the gift that just keeps giving Grin

Notice she didn't say "if you haven't already left does DD want a lift in from me!"

FMFL · 09/09/2019 12:41

Please block her. She is claiming too much of your headspace.

Spingtrolls · 09/09/2019 12:53

Am I the only one thinking the girl didn't miss her bus? Instead cfer just trying it on.

MagneticSingularity · 09/09/2019 13:08

From your OP, the CF hasn’t even started her new job yet so why is it a problem for her to drive her own kid??! And how in the hell would you ever be passing her house given it’s a 15 minute detour for you? She’s a trier though, gotta give her that.

Yeah, honestly OP, definitely block, time to draw a line under this now you’ve got her measure.

sotired2 · 09/09/2019 13:16

Glad you didn't cave in we all know High school is coming and need to prepare DC for this and when choosing a High School you should consider how they are going to get there and back and not try and pass the problem onto someone else.