Should I be driving her dd?

[sailingclosetothewind]

I will keep this brief. It is a school run dilemma.

My dd and another girl in her year from primary school have just started the same senior school half an hour away. We know them from primary school to chat to, they are in the next village along from us (not very close but not so far) we have had the odd play date in the last few years, but the girls are not friends and have never shared a class etc.

Over the summer the girl's mother approached me and we met up a few times. Since then she has asked me if we can share lifts to school, which is not a terrible idea until I found out she is planning to get a full time job in a city nearly an hour and a half hour away so she can not confirm what days, if any, she can drive them. So really she is asking me to do every school run fro her every day isn't she? Surely an arrangement would mean she would do some of the driving.

I am very reluctant to get into any fixed arrangements whatsoever (I have been on MN long enough) but she is increasingly putting pressure on me to agree. Every time I see her she asks, and texts me, can you pick up Clara today etc.

Am I being U to not take her dd to school and back each day? I have two other dc at a different school, and school clubs to take into account. Factoring in a 15 minute detour to her house every day especially so early in the morning and home again is really not on, and unfair of her to ask me.

Am I right in thinking she needs to make her own arrangements for her child (she has just one dd, and if she has an emergency I am happy to help otherwise its really her responsibility. I feel like she is making it my problem!

Yesterday she was quite distant, and slightly off with me, I don't want things to be strained between us but I am not sure how to manage the situation.

Sorry, missed your update, well done OP! Now don’t reply to any further texts from her other than to say “I can’t help you”

Oh hell no she is already pestering you and making it clear that she just doesn't want to do any school runs and I very much doubt theres even a job going, shes just going to be sitting at home or out all the time with friends relaxing while you end up a unpaid and not wanting babysitter.

I would block her number to save you having to turn your phone off.

I was hoping to keep things pleasant between us, as we are all going to be together for years.

Why would you think this? How exactly will you all be together for the next 5 years-you’re hardly buying a timeshare with her?!!

I don’t even speak to the parents of my teen’s friend’s at school as I simply never see them! Maybe once or twice at parents evenings over the last 5 years, but that’s it! If I take them to school, I pull up-they get out, I drive on.

Why would you be bothered what someone who you’ve only just met thinks of you? Your daughter doesn’t like them, you will never see them, it’s really inconvenient for you, she’s already irritated by you as not doing as she wants! Why do you care what she thinks?

I would probably rather enjoy saying no. She sounds like a CF if the highest order.

It's liberating finally saying no! I did the same earlier this year to another parent who was always stuck for childcare but never reciprocated. My dd asked me not to let her come over anymore so I didn't! Parent no longer asks

She's taking the piss. This was absolutely a calculated effort to befriend you purely to use you for lifts. If she's off or shirty with you I would definitely tell her that it's obviously the only reason she befriended you was to use you.

OP,

She targetted you with lifts in mind.
Absolutely no doubt about it.

She is not your friend.
Her child is not your child's friend.

You are purely a convience for her.

You will regret everyday your weakness if you agree to this.

The fact that your DD has asked you not to, should be enough for you.

You need to look at your boundaries, because for you to even consider putting someone else's childs needs, that you barely know, ahead of YOUR OWN childs is not good.

The safest, wisest thing to do is, if she replies and doesn't accept your decision, is to simply resend the message telling her No and Block. Don't engage.

In secondary school you don't see the other parents, and remember your children are not friends.

I obliged a friend for two weeks on a school run as she was I'll and when the favour was done my children said although they liked X they preferred that she was gone!
Don't underestimate the privacy that your children enjoy in their car.

Also, ever single decision, sick day, unexpected event would have to be run by this woman.
For example, what if your child had an extra early start for a class or project? You would have to clear every single change or adjustment with your schedule with this woman???? And for what??? You don't know her from Adam.

I don't think OP you have any idea what a complete PITA it is to have to confer with another person on every single adjustment to your daily arrangements.
And this arrangement would have you locked in for years.

Do not start something that will then bring you massive stress to extract yourself from.

She's a a massive CF.

She has the brass neck to keep asking. Do not feel guilty. I wouldn’t want to be tied to doing this. Different if the girls were friends but they’re not. You have no reason at all to feel bad. I doubt she’d do the same for you and she’s not even your friend.

Why do you have to make excuses??

Your DD doesn't like her DD

Your DD comes 1st.
Just say "sorry but it I don't want to commit then have to let you down. Best we sort getting our OWN child to school. " Do not add about helping with emergencies (every day will be an emergency)
Do it once and your stuck for the next 5years.

Say no. The crunch is your DD doesn't like this girl. Why should she feel uncomfortable when she would be relaxed. I used to take a girl to school who clearly resent her own mother not taking her. My DD hated her, and every day she would get out and slam the door. I put up with it as it was at least reciprocated by the other mum.

If the two girls aren't even friends, I would say no to this. It can be quite awkward for teens who aren't friends to have to share close proximity every single day, and I wouldn't want to make my daughter feel that way. I would assume that there are other ways of getting to school, for example a bus, that the other girl could get. It's all very well doing it as a one off, or alternate days if the girls were friends, but this is just taking advantage of you and not fair in the slightest.

What is a PITA?

I have been working on my boundaries for years, and know it can be an issue. At least I recognised the CF this time there is progress.

Pain in the arse!

Has she replied?

Bet she won’t let you go without a fight!

@MarigoldGlove - Did she moan at you for having the temerity to move house without sorting out her DD's transport arrangements first?

Well done on saying no OP she is a cheeky fecker and no mistake

No reply, I am in the dog house definitely, she usually replies immediately. Radio silence

Has she replied?
The op doesn’t know if she’s replied because she’s bricked it and put her phone off.
Fgs op just keep your phone on and learn to ignore other people’s bullshit,.

Has she replied OP?

Why haven't you just blocked her?

Well done OP. This would have developed in a way you wouldn't like.

tell her straight the children are not really friends and your daughter doesnt want it so your not happy doing it for the next 5 years+ as your daughters needs come first here

im very very straight though and dont pussy foot around people,even if it does offend

Well done for saying no

OP, if she pesters you any more, text this back:

I took two children, from different families, to school every day for 6 years. I really don't see that it is a problem. In these days of environmental awareness surely it is a sensible thing to do rather than have a car occupied by one child?

@cantfindname Perhaps you can take this woman's child then, you clearly don't mind lol! 😂😂😂