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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be livid with this woman (asked dd to waitress)

170 replies

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:07

Dd waitressed last night at the birthday party of a girl we vaguely know. It was a big posh combined 18th and 21st. Dd is a great waitress and has done it part time for 3 years.

The party was at the parents house in a marquee etc etc. She told me this morning that it was full of drugs, all the kids were horrible and rude ("I need more booze!" "Just hold on a minute" "i need it now (whispered) you fucking peasant") was one example. They were all taking ketamine and the girl whose party it was told dd that she'd dropped a bag of ket and could dd keep an eye out on the floor. Dd ignored her but she kept demanding dd look for it. There was drug residue all over the side in the loos. To make it even more of a rank experience the boy who was sharing the party grabbed dds boobs from behind.

Dd is laughing it off this morning but said it was one of the worst experiences of her life!

I am livid and feel like texting the mum (who I have known for ages although we are not particularly friendly just acquaintances).

I am not actually going to text her, just need to vent! AIBU about the drugs? I know teens take drugs but to be so blatant about it!

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 07/09/2019 09:09

The „boy” assaulted your daughter. I’d be reporting that to the police.

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:10

That's what i said. Fucking prick (sorry but i am really angry)

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 07/09/2019 09:11

Sounds grim for your DD. I wouldn't comment about the drugs, but I think if I knew the parent of the boy who grabbed her boobs I'd have to comment.

I worked in bars and nightclubs, drunk obnoxious people are part of the deal, but assault is not acceptable.

Ohyesiam · 07/09/2019 09:12

Report the assault to the police

sweetiepie1979 · 07/09/2019 09:12

Gosh that sounds awful for her! How old is your Daughter? If she is 17+ I’d say it’s up to her really to handle it today. She didn’t walk away last night... today she can relay it back to them that it was one of the worst experiences of her life..... Ketamine though! That’s intense doesn’t sound like much of a party with ketamine!

Wintersnowdrop · 07/09/2019 09:12

Bloody hell, that’s disgusting. Could she report the 21 year old who sexually assaulted her? I’m sorry your dd was in that position.

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:13

I think it's because we know them that it was worse. She's used to idiots being pissed, but the girl and my dd went to school together years ago.

OP posts:

sweetiepie1979 · 07/09/2019 09:13

If she reports the assault to the police that would be good!

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:13

I don't understand the ket thing. I thought ketamine made you zonk out

OP posts:

PoohBearsHole · 07/09/2019 09:14

I wouldn’t hold back! I’d text and say the behaviour was rude/insulting/harassing and dangerous.

Was this though a catering co or hired directly?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/09/2019 09:14

Sounds horrendous. Glad DD is able to laugh it off. I think you need to take the lead from her about how to react. I’d offer to report it to the police but not push it.

PhilCornwall1 · 07/09/2019 09:14

The one that grabbed your daughter would be reported to the Police immediately, no questions asked.

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:15

Hired directly, she asked if dd would do it. It paid well and dd is saving all money for uni

OP posts:

Bitchfeatures · 07/09/2019 09:16

Yes you should text, but I'm guessing she was aware anyway if they was doing it in the open but I would need to stick up for my DC in this situation.
And you should report that slimebag of a boy to the police so he know his can't get away with shit like that.
What a bunch of self entitled little shits, your poor DD.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 07/09/2019 09:16

How old is DD? IF she’s 14/15 then yes i’d tell the Mum as she’s a child and was put in an inappropriate position. 16 and over then I wouldn’t. It’s an awful situation for your daughter but one of those life lessons which will stay with her forever - how not to behave, views on drink and drugs, views about other people. The boob grabbing is horrible and I’d be led by her about whether she wants to progress this.

More importantly I’d be teaching her how to deal with such things in future - stop, shout very loud, shame them - and whatever age advise on some self defence classes. The world isn’t so different after #metoo - it still goes on and cannot be tolerated.

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:16

Dd said she elbowed him hard and he was so pissed he fell over. So there's that at least.

OP posts:

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:17

She's an adult! 19! So not my place to get involved and she doesnt want me to say anything. I am so cross though. Dh will be livid when i tell him

OP posts:

PoohBearsHole · 07/09/2019 09:19

I don’t think you have anything to lose by telling the person who employed her that the behaviour was unacceptable and unpleasant. If you don’t how are they ever going to know?

ThanosSavedMe · 07/09/2019 09:20

Trewser your dd is a star. Sounds like she handled it well. The only thing I’d suggest is that she reports what he did to her so that if he reports she assaulted him, her report is also there. If that makes sense

CherryPavlova · 07/09/2019 09:21

Gosh, you must know some truly hideous people and be really unlucky with the youngsters who your daughter went to school with. I think we’ve been really fortunate. My daughter is doing the rounds of 21st birthdays at the moment and is having a fabulous time drifting around the U.K. and abroad to some very extravagant affairs. The youngsters are, to a person, lovely, kind, thoughtful souls who dance, drink a bit too much and feel shocking the next day but no drugs have appeared and no rudeness to staff. They’d all be appalled at the idea.
Did the parents not intervene when drugs were being openly traded? If they were that obvious the parents and other older guests must have been aware. I can’t imagine most parents being accepting of drug dealing on their lawns.

Scrumptiousbears · 07/09/2019 09:22

It's for your DD to say something. To be fair the mother probably didn't know how it would turn out so she didn't hire your DD deliberately to involve her in this situation. She's probably dealing with the fallout herself today.

GreenTulips · 07/09/2019 09:24

Nice to see a young woman with some resilience. At least she sees the other side and won’t be tempted later in life

Good luck to her in Uni

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:25

Gosh, you must know some truly hideous people and be really unlucky with the youngsters who your daughter went to school with

Not really! Never come across this before and have plenty of friends with lovely kids.

OP posts:

zzzzzzzz12345 · 07/09/2019 09:28

Well done DD! I wouldn’t (and didn’t) have the balls to do that at her age so she is clearly equipped for the world.

I see what you’re getting at. It’s not whether you should complain on her behalf, it’s that you’re insulted she dragged your daughter into a ket fest. If it were me, I honestly don’t think I could stop myself, but you’ll have to gauge whether this could cause unnecessary disharmony which you can’t be arsed with. Good luck OP. You have evidently done a great job raising a strong and confident young woman.

Original poster

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:28

Dd says that the mum came out of the portaloo and said to dd "whoops, the surfaces in there might need a bit of a wipe down!"

I can't believe she knew there were drugs either, she's very concerned with being posh. But dd said it was all utterly blatant.

OP posts:

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