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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid with this woman (asked dd to waitress)

170 replies

Trewser · 07/09/2019 09:07

Dd waitressed last night at the birthday party of a girl we vaguely know. It was a big posh combined 18th and 21st. Dd is a great waitress and has done it part time for 3 years.

The party was at the parents house in a marquee etc etc. She told me this morning that it was full of drugs, all the kids were horrible and rude ("I need more booze!" "Just hold on a minute" "i need it now (whispered) you fucking peasant") was one example. They were all taking ketamine and the girl whose party it was told dd that she'd dropped a bag of ket and could dd keep an eye out on the floor. Dd ignored her but she kept demanding dd look for it. There was drug residue all over the side in the loos. To make it even more of a rank experience the boy who was sharing the party grabbed dds boobs from behind.

Dd is laughing it off this morning but said it was one of the worst experiences of her life!

I am livid and feel like texting the mum (who I have known for ages although we are not particularly friendly just acquaintances).

I am not actually going to text her, just need to vent! AIBU about the drugs? I know teens take drugs but to be so blatant about it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Trewser · 07/09/2019 12:14

She isn't going to involve the police. She said she really shoved him backwards and he fell up a stair and she was momentarily worried that she'd really hurt him!

OP posts:
jennymanara · 07/09/2019 12:14

@JaniceBattersby I am not saying it does not matter. But unless there are witnesses willing to testify, or the man admits it, nothing will happen. If the man will admit it, and generally well off young men with access to lawyers don't, or the DD had a friend or other worker witness it, it will go nowhere.

Original poster
Trewser · 07/09/2019 12:22

He's not worth her time. Why should she waste time and energy on him. Is how she feels about it.

OP posts:
Victoriajosephine86 · 07/09/2019 12:27

He's not worth her time. Why should she waste time and energy on him. Is how she feels about it
I agree with this. She dealt with the situation at hand and she protected herself from further issues. I don’t see any reason in that context why she should report it when really, what punishment would they give? A slap on the wrist? People really need to weigh up what’s worth reporting and what’s not

tedladybird · 07/09/2019 12:30

I will be so upset if my DD mixes in circles like this when she grows up. Some PPs talk as if recreational drug taking is normal amongst teenagers now, is it? How do you ensure your own kids don't end up snorting ketamine?

To be honest the pervy young man shocks me a lot less as I remember plenty of that from when I was growing up and know what to tell my DD about how to deal with it. The drug use though is not something I've experienced.

OP I'd be very proud of your DD, she sounds like a very sensible young woman.

Original poster
Trewser · 07/09/2019 12:39

I HATE HATE HATE the drugs. I just say please don't take them, my brother is an ex addict and now lives at home with my parents and I use him as a cautionary tale. Ketamine! That's just utterly mad. I can understand smoking a bit of weed and getting pissed but coke and ket! Vile.

OP posts:
sweetiepie1979 · 07/09/2019 12:42

I love that she went and sat in your bed to tell you everything you sound ace. I hope I have relationship like that with my daughters Smile

Londonmummy66 · 07/09/2019 13:01

I think that the one positive from this experience is that she felt able to come and talk to you about it. I think in a couple of days time it would be a good idea to sit down with her and offer to talk through the experience again and ask if there were any issues that she would like to discuss in terms of knowing how to deal with them if they cropped up in future, either when she is waitressing or when she is a guest - you have no idea what crowd she might end up with at uni.

She will clearly know how to speak to staff as if they are fellow human beings (usually the sign of truly grand/posh people as opposed to just those who have enough money to afford private school fees and a cleaner IME as they have been brought up from tiny with a number of staff around and their families value the retention of long term employees), but it might help to run through how to handle drugs, people being pissed and gropers and discuss strategies for dealing with them

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 13:14

But my imaginarycathasfleas most kids at these events are from boarding schools, so they are from all over the country, why would it be an ‘area’ thing? More likely that it’s specific schools/social circle culture and IME it’s pretty prolific in the private school world.

@Solihooley The boarding school my DC attended (as day pupils) mostly had weekly boarders from service families stationed in the area. Those that weren't services were from the Far East. That's not untypical.

I never encountered the sort of behaviour described amongst my DC's friends. The school would have been down on them like a ton of bricks if it got back to them. Not all private school children are dicks. Unfortunately the ones that are, as in this case, can be REALLY obnoxious.

OwnerofanAngryCat · 07/09/2019 13:15

Cherry, your trusting innocence is so touching!

Reminds me of the time my friend announced her, then 18 year old,daughter was still a virgin.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 13:15

Sorry about the bold fail Blush. First paragraph is the quoted one.

rwalker · 07/09/2019 17:13

Just vent on hear and leave it she sounds ok with it all.
TBH worked in hospitality years ago and rude entitled people just par for the course looking down on you and thinking you are a servant I'm afraid .

Mylittleradio · 07/09/2019 17:19

CherryPavlova

I think we’ve been really fortunate. My daughter is doing the rounds of 21st birthdays at the moment and is having a fabulous time drifting around the U.K. and abroad to some very extravagant affairs.

Good god what an unbelievable reply Hmm

CherryPavlova · 07/09/2019 17:20

@ OwnerofanAngryCat No patronising necessary. Not naive at all. Probably worked with more challenging youngsters than most others on the thread. Had a 19 year old foster son who died of an overdose. Very well informed, as happens but know my own children very well. Their chosen careers prevent drug taking of any sort. The price would be too high even if they felt inclined. We go to many of the 21sts and see behaviour that is fun, but drunken rather than high on drugs.

Original poster
Trewser · 07/09/2019 17:21

Thanks. She's worked part time in pubs and restaurants for a few years now and has once or twice been near to tears after people have treated her badly (one table left without paying and she had to cover it, one bloke threw a pound coin at her head because he was angry that the food he ordered wasn't ready) so she's quite used to it.

She wasn't upset, just incredulous that people could be so dickish. I was more angry than she was.

OP posts:
OwnerofanAngryCat · 07/09/2019 17:22

Awww bless!

Original poster
Trewser · 07/09/2019 17:23

Jesus cherry

Had a 19 year old foster son who died of an overdose

I'm so sorry to hear this but what's that got to do with it?

OP posts:
Mylittleradio · 07/09/2019 17:26

We go to many of the 21sts and see behaviour that is fun, but drunken rather than high on drugs.

Believe you me you cannot always tell the difference.

sweetiepie1979 · 07/09/2019 17:39

cherrypavlova
Do you need to start a thread about yourself and we can all give you a round of applause! Please stop it!

CherryPavlova · 07/09/2019 17:41

@Trewser The suggestion from another poster was that I had no got a clue about drugs. I was merely correcting that notion. I know plenty about the impact of drugs. I also know that my children don’t do drugs - not sure why that would be so unbelievable. Most of the young people I know don’t do drugs. Most of them would choose to avoid others who felt it acceptable.
It really isn’t normal for ‘most’ teenagers to do drugs. Most don’t.

Mylittleradio · 07/09/2019 17:45

I agree most don't, I did and my parents didn't have a clue...

Victoriajosephine86 · 07/09/2019 17:48

Most of the young people I know don’t do drugs. Most of them would choose to avoid others who felt it acceptable
How do you know? You know that people behave differently when they’re with different people right? They might not indulge in talking about or doing drugs when you’re around but with friends it’s a different story

Original poster
Trewser · 07/09/2019 18:08

I hope mine don't, they say they don't but they would wouldn't they? I don't think you can ever be completely sure, I was gobsmacked when dd showed me a snapchat of a friend of hers absolutely out of her head on ket. This girl is the most wholesome girl you could meet, captain of the school riding team of all things. You just do not know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trewser · 07/09/2019 18:09

Not the same school!

OP posts:
Mylittleradio · 07/09/2019 18:09

Exactly, you just don't know .