to be livid with this woman (asked dd to waitress)

[Trewser]

Dd waitressed last night at the birthday party of a girl we vaguely know. It was a big posh combined 18th and 21st. Dd is a great waitress and has done it part time for 3 years.

The party was at the parents house in a marquee etc etc. She told me this morning that it was full of drugs, all the kids were horrible and rude ("I need more booze!" "Just hold on a minute" "i need it now (whispered) you fucking peasant") was one example. They were all taking ketamine and the girl whose party it was told dd that she'd dropped a bag of ket and could dd keep an eye out on the floor. Dd ignored her but she kept demanding dd look for it. There was drug residue all over the side in the loos. To make it even more of a rank experience the boy who was sharing the party grabbed dds boobs from behind.

Dd is laughing it off this morning but said it was one of the worst experiences of her life!

I am livid and feel like texting the mum (who I have known for ages although we are not particularly friendly just acquaintances).

I am not actually going to text her, just need to vent! AIBU about the drugs? I know teens take drugs but to be so blatant about it!

@Trewswr why odd? You’re claiming it’s because it was a ‘posh’ party. I’m merely rebalancing by suggesting it’s not the norm at 21st birthdays (However posh).

Agree with pink heart

That's awful. Definitely report the assault! Hopefully she never has to mix with these kinds of people before!

Ketamine is a horrible drug. My friendship circle got into it when I was younger, including my BF at the time and I hated it.

It's addictive. (The medical literature used to say it wasn't but that was only because there had never been large groups of people taking it recreationally before).

Your tolerance goes up quickly. You can tell how often / long someone's been taking K by the size of the lines. If they're tiny (much, much smaller than, say, a typical line of coke) then they're likely only an occasional or new user. If the lines are large, they take it a lot as the small lines just don't work on them any more.

Heavy use damages your body
eg people who use a lot of it can get bladder problems. I used to know a guy who regularly pissed blood because he took so much of it. His doctors were mystified because the idiot wouldn't tell them he took K because he feared he'd have to stop taking it. (People on our scene said this happens because the K recrystalises inside the body. How accurate this is I don't know but it certainly can be harmful).

K makes you so out of it you're at physical risk. I knew a girl who sadly drowned after she took K in the bath. Also a young man who lost his finger after getting it trapped in a door but not even feeling it as he was so out of it.

The people I knew who took it were from all kinds of backgrounds but some of the worst included the ex boarding school boys.

Because K makes you so out of it, it can appeal especially to those with emotional problems they're trying to escape.

I'd give them all a wide berth and be glad your DD is well out of it.

This is disgraceful.

Did your daughter take this job on the basis that you knew the woman? ie did the job offer come via you? If so It would be fair enough to contact her, mention the drugs, the insulting behaviour and the groping, she put your daughter in an unsafe position. I'd tell her she's very lucky that there wasn't any more serious incidents at this party and your daughter will never work for her again..I'm betting she will be embarrased and keep quiet about it, but your point will have been made. Otherwise, I guess its your daughter's decision.
Your daughter sounds like a sensible resilient girl and has coped well in trying circumstances.
Does this woman still have contacts at the school your younger daughter will be going to? I second the Karate, self defence.
Not all young people are like this, it sounds like a certain entitled group and your daughter sounds very able to spot them a mile off. Horrid situation but she's dealt with it.

@timegoingtoofast that’s a very eye-opening and sad post. Thanks for sharing

Doubting the degree of drug misuse, perhaps. It’s certainly not my experience

Believe me, it goes on! Surely you're not so narrow minded to think that because you haven't seen it, it therefore doesn't happen?

In her place I would have called police to the party and have them all arrested for possession of drugs. And smiled at the guy as the was taken away.

*he was taken away.

I wouldn’t report the boy. Yes it was wrong and creepy but what real harm was done?

Minimising this sort of vile behaviour.

Nice.

Well it’s not difficult to see where the, “get me a drink, peasant” attitudes come from when they have such massive twats as parents as evidenced by the tone deaf, boasty, idiotic comments on here by a certain poster.

Most parents would simply not permit it at a party they were hosting
Once it’s stared though you can’t stop it. You can hardly start frisking everyone as they arrive.

At 18 and 21 they are technically adults (although they don’t act like it)and you can hardly go round confiscating their drugs.

Parents have spent £1000’s on these parties, they’re hardly going to turn on the lights and tell everyone to bugger off half way through, especially when there are also family members present. It’s far easier to turn a blind eye.

In her place I would have called police to the party and have them all arrested for possession of drugs

Unlikely the police would have arrested them all, that's just not how it works. They really don't have the man power to go about busting 21st birthday parties with a bit of recreational drug taking going on.

Also, I suspect the OP's DD would have quite liked to be paid for her time.

@SchadenfreudePersonified the police wouldn’t do anything anyway. It’s not right but in the real world, you should just brush it off because what punishment would they give to a quick grab on the boobs? Realistically it’s so minor that while it’s inappropriate, it’s not worth the hassle of reporting it

God the minimising on here is genuinely shocking.
I work with young people and this is far from 'standard'
No harm done is an unbelievable comment.
Can't believe you are going to do nothing op. If my daughter had been treated like that I would have been round to the parents' house so fast.

I don't care how much money these people supposedly have... This party sounds the farthest thing from posh ever. Sounds like a bunch of tacky chavs

Make sure you also tell her that she will be totally in the right to walk out of shitty situations like this and report to the police.

All those saying report to the police - what do you think the police would actually do?

@timegoingtoofast can confirm, I used to work in a Urology department and we had a few patients with what the doctors called 'ketamine bladder'.

Trewser- Your daughter sounds fab! good on her for how she handled the little 'pricks' and the way she dished out her own karma on the little pervert lol! I'm afraid I'm one of those mums who would have spoken to the girls parents and vented the day after! From experience tho, it has often made things 10 times worse. Best advice I was given was, give it a few days, if your still angry-Give them a piece of your mind!! Again, your daughter sounds like a great girl, she handled it better than most adults would! high five to her!

Op- I wouldn't go to the police as your dd is an adult who is capable of reporting it if she felt it necessary. Also if you do that you'll lose her trust and she won't confide in you. That would be worse. She handled it- well done to her.

It feels like wild misconceptions about those nasty children of richer parents

Oh for goodness sake

We are fairly well off, dh went to private school, dd is at private school. I have always maintained that not all private school kids are entitled little shits but the ones last night were. They were rude, badly behaved and drugged up to the eyeballs. No class, ignorant and an embarrassment. Unless we live in some kind of Matrix style blip i have to assume that this behaviour has happened before with other private school kids.

No way will my children grow up thinking its ok to talk to staff like shit, particularly teens that you know and are the same age.

Yes, the positive was that she came and sat on my bed and told me all about it. Love her, she's ace and worth 100 of some of them.

I’ve seen loads of people prosecuted in the mags courts for a ‘quick grab on the boobs’ . It’s sexual assault and aggravated by the fact the victim was at work at the time.

And no, she might not be scarred for life because of what happened but she should nor be encouraged, and nor should any other girl, to think that sexual assault is a normal, acceptable part of life (not that the OP is encouraging that attitude, but others here are, who presumably would be just fine with the MD at work walking up to them and grabbing their boobs?)

And today’s boob grabber becomes tomorrow’s crotch grabber and then next week’s ‘oh well she didn’t actually say no, we were both drunk, she was wearing a short skirt..’ Better to stop this behaviour in its tracks before it escalates.

Jesus Christ, I can’t imagine anything worse than taking ketamine at a social event. It would go on forever and ever and ever.

The hassle of calling police etc RE boob grab is probably not going to make things feel any better for your daughter. I would probably just let her bitch to all her friends and discourage her from doing such work ever again.