to be livid with this woman (asked dd to waitress)

[Trewser]

Dd waitressed last night at the birthday party of a girl we vaguely know. It was a big posh combined 18th and 21st. Dd is a great waitress and has done it part time for 3 years.

The party was at the parents house in a marquee etc etc. She told me this morning that it was full of drugs, all the kids were horrible and rude ("I need more booze!" "Just hold on a minute" "i need it now (whispered) you fucking peasant") was one example. They were all taking ketamine and the girl whose party it was told dd that she'd dropped a bag of ket and could dd keep an eye out on the floor. Dd ignored her but she kept demanding dd look for it. There was drug residue all over the side in the loos. To make it even more of a rank experience the boy who was sharing the party grabbed dds boobs from behind.

Dd is laughing it off this morning but said it was one of the worst experiences of her life!

I am livid and feel like texting the mum (who I have known for ages although we are not particularly friendly just acquaintances).

I am not actually going to text her, just need to vent! AIBU about the drugs? I know teens take drugs but to be so blatant about it!

My daughter is doing the rounds of 21st birthdays at the moment and is having a fabulous time drifting around the U.K. and abroad to some very extravagant affairs

Lucky little Miss Pavlova- btw using the term drifting does imply she's gently off her head on something, according to NA.
Obviously she isn't an opiate user...

Obviously she isn't an opiate user...
Nor does she know anyone who does drugs! Not in her social circle! Also, I’ll have you know @CherryPavlova would know for SURE if her DD or any other young person was doing drugs. It’s her business!

I would be vicious at my DD doing a waitressing job and being surrounded by drug taking brats who have the audacity to lay a hand on her.

I would respect my DD's request not to contact the police.
However, I would be spreading the word widely about the drug taking and appalling behaviour that went on at that party and that the parents/mother were there and condoned it.

I would make it my business that it got back to her that the party and her behaviour was the subject of huge gossip and judgement.

That's how you deal with someone like that IMO.

@CherryPavlova how naive are you! my father always thought i was a princess but i fell into the wrong crowd and for a yearish i was doing drugs at 17 and as i was always seen as a goody two shoes it came as a surprise to those who knew me and even to myself! ashamed and hate to admit it but believe me your children arent all rosey and forthcoming about something as serious as drugs! most people arent!

TBH it doesnt matter what you say to miss perfect pavlova! she'll never believe her whites may have split!

@Trewser your daughter sounds like an amazing young woman and i applaud you for raising her as such!

Drugs were not an issue at my dd's private school (she attended Y7-Y11)

They are pretty widespread at the (very well regarded) state Sixth form that she now attends (drug sniffer dogs visit the college on a regular basis)

There are some users at my ds' grammar school but in a distinct minority

In short, I think it transcends social class but although availability is widespread, there are plenty of young people who decide not to take drugs.

I would speak to the mother, not about the drugs but about the rudeness - horrible attitude re calling your dd a peasant

Re the boob groping incident - I think you are right to take the lead from your daughter. If she wanted to take it further I am sure that you would be 100% behind her in reporting it to the police, but if she doesn't want to take it further then that is her call. I thought I would have an uncompromising attitude about such things, but despite being an inconspicuous early 50's woman, some young bloke drunkenly groped my boobs at a New Years Eve bash at a pub. I was taken aback and shocked but not traumatised (my predominant reaction was being mystified!) Clearly he shouldn't have done it and I did consider taking it further but calculated the hassle involved was not proportionate to the brief offence that it caused me - I expect that your dd has made a similar mental calculation. I suspect that this sort of thing feels worse when there is an abuse of power involved

If your DD does decide to go down the self defense group, tell her to look at Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. For lots of reasons but especially because it works well up close, on the ground. It's also hella fun. (Though anyone doing martial arts will tell you the best way to get away is to fucking run as fast as possible if you can.)

Route not group!

Drugs and bed behaviour transcend social class . Sorry that your DD was groped , assaulted and insulted through not what anyone wants

I like your idea to ignore the mother for a while . Keep a very wide berth and I suspect the wheels will come off at some stage . They always do

@ insanemumof3 Please don’t assume because you took drugs that everyone does. That is the naivety; thinking everyone must be as inconsequential as you and that parents are dim. I absolutely know my children don’t take drugs because of random drug testing that would see my son in Colchester under detention and then lose his career and because my eldest daughter has picked up the pieces a few time too many in accident and emergency and is horrified to se the consequences when she’s had to break bad news. They grew up surrounded by ‘problem’ teenagers in residential settings and have no desire to be the same. Naive? Definitely not. Not all children take drugs. We need to stop normalising it.

Ketamine is a very useful medication for anesthesia and sedation but in the wrong hands it makes playing Russian roulette appear like child's play! There's nothing you can say to a mother who would willingly throw a joint birthday party that resembled studio 51 in the 70s! Rest assured you've got a gem of a daughter and not every behaves like savages

@CherryPavlova I very rarely reply to threads but you’re being such a knob that I feel compelled. I don’t think one person here actually cares if your kids do drugs or not!! That’s not what this thread was about. You’ve derailed it to make it all about your fantastic posh self and your wonderful, sparkly clean, life saving children. It’s vile behaviour. The OP is looking for advice on how to handle a bad situation her daughter was in, and your here banging on and on and on and on that your kids don’t do drugs. Boring.

Cherry, I take every thing you say with a pinch of

I remember you going on about your island home, like it was a villa in the Bahamas. Except it turned out to be a chalet on the Isle of Wight .

@Fleetheart are you hyacinth bouquet??? 😂😂😂👏👏👏👏 brilliant! Made me laugh so much

zzzzzzzzzz said: You have evidently done a great job raising a strong and confident young woman.

I agree, good for her!

I can't talk about the UK, but here in Mexico, wealthy people are famous for spending money on their kids but not paying attention to them.

Ketamine is a very useful medication for anesthesia and sedation indeed it is. It's a dissociative stimulant. Which means it works by separating your mind from your body (hence people taking for fun) and it makes your heart beat faster. Often used as a pre-med. Often used for kids and old people. In Vietnam it was used as a "buddy drug" - soldiers carried an injectable form as it's easy to administer to others intramuscularly and doesn't slow your heart & breathing down like opiate based painkillers do, and apparently restricts the veins IIRC so it's useful as a battlefield drug to give to wounded comrades as they're less likely to bleed to death.

but in the wrong hands it makes playing Russian roulette appear like child's play!

Err... what?

What does this mean exactly?

You can read my post upthread to see I'm absolutely not a fan of the drug, but this statement doesn't reflect reality. Are you sure you're not confusing it with Heroin or one of the newer "designer" drugs?

"Russian roulette" implies that taking K is likely to kill you on the spot. That's just not true.

It's hard to overdose on K. A small amount, raken infrequently is relatively safe. The dangers come from taking a lot and being so out of it you might injure yourself physically - especially if you're in a hazardous environment. Similar risk to being totally blind drunk. And also damage to the body from heavy use and risk of addiction. (It's not nearly as addictive as something like heroin though and doesn't have physical withdrawls).

Saying a drug is like Russian Roulette males me think of something like heroin, where it is easy to overdose by accident, e.g. if there is a purer batch than expected about.

Ketamine is nothing like that. Let's not scare people unnecessarily please.

My best friend always smugly tells me that her daughters have never and would never touch drugs. Lovely, except my DD, who has socialised with them, tells me that they are both very enthusiastic participants. At least my DD is honest to me that she has dabbled.

So many parents are very naive. Where do you think this explosion in poor mental health at our unis is coming from?

Timegoingtoofast that's really interesting, thank you.

@CherryPavlova i dont assume that at all you delusional nut! however id say your kids are probably doing drug ls left right and centre to deal with you their over bearing perfect up their own backside parent. The OP made a relevant post and asked relevant questions while you merely came here to try and pull the wool over everyones eyes that you have the life of a saint! wrong. you have the life of a fool by the sounds of things.

also my parents are not dim they trusted their child and wrong so in this case. just as you could be trusting your kids to not do something that they are probably doing and your just too proud and stupid to admit. good luck to your perfect children.... they need it 👍

also we are cannot normalise something that has been normalised for so many years! just because your daughter sees the effects doesnt mean it wont stop her. you think an alcoholic who sees the effect of their problem is going to stop just for that reason? and these "problem teenagers" could possibly be the children of parents who pull the wool over their eyes and refuse to acknowledge their children are around drugs and therefore offer no support. it is not always that problem teenagers fault and its because of people like you that there are so many of them, because your on your high horse and couldnt possibly offer to help those in need of suport for reasons like these.

I don't think the drug situation at unis has changed much at all. The poor mental health is probably reflective of the massive increase pressure experienced in result oriented education, parents coupled with huge concerns about overwhelming debt.

This reminds me of a time a couple of years ago when I was booked to babysit a family. Turns out this was babysit a 9 year old and - as I discovered upon arrival - supervise a bunch of 16/17 year olds from a well regarded public school having a pool party. Drugs weren't an issue from what I could see but OMFG the attitude of some of these children was shocking: total disrespect for the beautiful home, heavy drinking & general carnage around the pool (which was slightly terrifying) but my overriding memory was how awful their attitudes were both in general and to me as the 'hired help'.

The girls were slightly better and at least had the decency to say please and thank you but there was still a real sense of superiority and entitlement that I found incredibly distasteful. I was also quite saddened to see so many of the girls - who were undoubtedly bright as the school has an excellent academic reputation - wafting around hanging on the boys' every word, laughing off some really quite vulgar and demeaning language and totally oblivious to the very touchy (& I found offensive) behaviour of the boys. I had a brief chat with one of girls to check everything was ok and it was so normal to her she seemed perplexed that I'd have any concerns as they're 'just mates, totally harmless really'. Tragic

Op,, I think your dd has more sense than some of the posters on your thread.

Lots of people don't like to acknowledge that all the research says that well off young people are much more likely to take illegal drugs.