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Original poster

To say no to struggling friend

289 replies

JuneBerryMine · 05/09/2019 22:55

Friend has just messaged me to say she's in trouble and can she borrow money or have me sign as a guarantor.

We are only mid 20s and me and DP are trying to save for a house so I'm fair certain already my answer will be no.

But I feel so guilty. This is the second time she's asked me now and she seems very desperate but selfishly I don't want to jeopardize mine and DPs future!

OP posts:
JonnyPocketRocket · 05/09/2019 23:25

God no. I've been asked the same by a friend on the same (fairly low) salary as me but who just has terrible budgeting skills. She knows I have a little bit of savings but I live very frugally to manage that. I wouldn't be a guarantor for anyone but my closest blood relatives, and even then I'd have to think very carefully and they would have to be very transparent with me about their finances, income, outgoings etc.
If you want to give her the money from your dad, do that, but don't lend it - you'll never see it again.

ChicCroissant · 05/09/2019 23:26

No, the fact that she's asking for a second time is a red flag on it's own! You'll lose the money and your friendship, say no and you might keep the friendship at least!

Bookworm4 · 05/09/2019 23:28

Why would you even consider it when you don’t even know why she needs it?

Elieza · 05/09/2019 23:28

Never be a guarantor for anyone. It will affect you. I don’t know if they credit score you but presume they must. Then that will be on your file so financial places will know you’ve signed for it. If she missed a payment you would have to pay it. No ifs or buts.
Don’t do it. Help her any other way. But don’t do that. I said no to my best friend for the same reason. I can’t jeopardise my mortgage potential. It’s my home that’s at risk. Just say no sorry.

ellzebellze · 05/09/2019 23:30

You have to ask yourself why she is in such a financial mess, and whether you want to get dragged in as well.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/09/2019 23:30

I've not replied yet which is why I don't really know the situation properly

Unless she's a VERY close friend - in which case you'd probably know already - I wouldn't start enquiring about her situation at all, especially as you feel it's your dad's gift which has prompted this

To me that sounds like opportunism, so it would be a simple "I can't do that I'm afraid" and then refuse to engage

TheRebelAlliance · 05/09/2019 23:30

Do not be a guarantor- the interstate's rate will be 49% or similar. If she doesn't pay then you have to.

If you must do this then you would be better taking out a loan in your name assuming you have good credit and can get one at about 5% or less. That wa sit she defaults you will owe a lot less money!

But really just say no.

Original poster
JuneBerryMine · 05/09/2019 23:31

Bookworm, I'm not considering it really. I just feel bad.

I mentioned the payment from my dad not because I'd give it to her but because I think that's why she's asked me, because she knows about it.

Just don't even want to open the message 😖

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/09/2019 23:34

Just don't even want to open the message

So don't - just delete and forget it. Or if she's rude enough to push again, claim it never arrived if you must

SophieSong · 05/09/2019 23:34

I'm pretty sure guarantors need to be home-owners so if you haven't already bought you coudn't do it anyway. But it's a massive ask especially when you aren't even aware of her full financial situation. That would send massive alarm bells for me.

I'd possibly consider lending a small amount of money if she was truly desperate and there were kids involved, etc. But at the end of the day, being a guarantor is a really risky thing to do.

MollysMummy2010 · 05/09/2019 23:35

I am pretty sure the guarantor has to be a UK homeowner - ours had to be. Would that help?

Legoandloldolls · 05/09/2019 23:36

Dont do it OP. My friend asked me to be a guarantor. I wasnt happy. I pointed out why I wouldn't ( I'm not currently employed looking after young kids). So it couldn't be asked again..

Just keep repeating that you are trying to buy a house. So you can not afford to. I also lent my friend money. I did get it back but I was very low priority after her boyfriend presents, lots of new outfits, daughters expensive treats etc so it almost made me resent her putting me last.
I would only ever loan what I was prepared to never get back. If that's as a guarantor like amego loans you could own her debt plus 49% APR.
DONT. Think about paying 49% APR on someone else debt

Notagainsusan · 05/09/2019 23:36

Don't do it.

I lent money to a very good friend as she was desperate. I decided if I didn't get it back then it didn't matter. However every time I saw her and she was spending money like water it really grated on me (fairly or unfairly) and it made me really question the friendship.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/09/2019 23:37

Also remember that she can't make you feel bad. Only you can do that to yourself, and as you already know there's no reason at all for you to do so

MuseThalia · 05/09/2019 23:37

No I wouldn't, it could affect you if your applying for a mortgage. You aren't being selfish saying no.

Wild123 · 05/09/2019 23:38

I wouldnt feel guilty about it just say that you're not in a position to be able to offer financial support right now no need to even give a reason.

Definitely don't be a guarantor as if she defaulted even 1 payment, ever entered into an IVA or died you become liable for the remsining debt. My friends girlfriend just signed as a guarantor for a friend for a 10k loan. He didnt make the first payment and done a runner now shes left paying nearly 25k over the next 5 years!!

Mammylamb · 05/09/2019 23:38

For the love of dogs. Just say no!! You will lose the money if you lend it: think how disappointed your dad would be!!

MollysMummy2010 · 05/09/2019 23:39

Cross post with Sophie above! Just tell her that and please do not sign anything.

Astralis · 05/09/2019 23:39

Of course you feel uncomfortable, but don't let that sway you. The sooner you respond the better. Don't get drawn into explaining yourself. Just say "I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I can't be a guarantor." You could offer to go to CAB or similar if that's the sort of friendship you have. The sooner you do it the sooner you can move on.
It would be madness to tie yourself to her financially.

WarmSausageTea · 05/09/2019 23:41

I think pheasantplucker2 has given the best advice here.

ReanimatedSGB · 05/09/2019 23:44

I agree with PP: offer to put her in touch with a debt advisory service. Anyone who needs a guarantor for a loan is likely to have a dreadful credit rating and longstanding money problems - this doesn't necessarily make them a bad person, because wages are low and housing costs are high, and it is really easy to get into trouble. But that doesn't oblige you to risk your own savings and credit rating.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/09/2019 23:46

I agree about not explaining yourself, but I wouldn't throw in comments about "not being in a position to help" either

If she knows about your dad's gift she'd probably bring it up, and it could result in yet more pressure you can well do without

Asta19 · 05/09/2019 23:48

No to the loan and 100 times no to being a guarantor. I wouldn’t do that for anyone. I agree with others, offer to be a support for things such as going to the CAB if she is a good friend. If she keeps persisting in asking for money then she isn’t being a good friend to you.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2019 23:59

A possible reply to her -

"No, I am sorry, I can't make any money available for you in the form of cash, and I don't qualify as a guarantor."

Post links in your reply to moneysavingexpert, Citizens Advice, etc.

Ghostontoast · 06/09/2019 00:02

Worst case is you act as a guarantor and she defaults then it will fuck you financially for life.