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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not telling me he's working from home

171 replies

managedmis · 05/09/2019 20:53

So this morning we leave to do the school drop off. DH in jeans. Oh, you're casual, I say. Yeah, he says. Fine.

He drops me at the station, then does the school run. Texts me to say all fine with the drop off.

Fast forward to this afternoon. I text him, say I'll pick the kids up as I'm leaving work early. Oh, the car is actually here at home, so I'll do it (we car share), I've worked from home today. Oh - why didn't you tell me, I said? Oh, I had a 7.30am meeting that I wouldn't have made so I stayed at home instead.

Why didn't he tell me? Aibu to think he should let me know?

(Even if IABU I forgot to get some bolognaise out of the freezer for dinner, which he could have done if he'd have told me he was working from home, but he didn't!!)

OP posts:
Pumpkinsalad · 05/09/2019 20:55

Yabu. Why should he let you know?

PositiveVibez · 05/09/2019 20:55

You've answered your own question.

He thought you would have been asking him to 'do jobs' and he didn't want to be disturbed whilst working.

Artesia · 05/09/2019 20:55

Why should he have let you know? Am not being snarky, I genuinely don’t understand why it would have made any difference to your day, or why he should have to report in?

chillandrelax · 05/09/2019 20:56

I agree with you but think we are both Being unreasonable!

HollowTalk · 05/09/2019 20:57

Taking something out of the freezer is a job? That's ridiculous.

healthylifestylee · 05/09/2019 20:57

It would have been helpful yes but not essential

CherryPlum · 05/09/2019 20:58

I would find it a bit odd if my DH did that, I must admit.

HollowTalk · 05/09/2019 20:59

It's not a matter of him reporting in, it's just normal communication, isn't it? He pretended to be going out to work and was given opportunities to mention he'd be at home and didn't say a word.

Choice4567 · 05/09/2019 20:59

I can see what people mean that he doesn’t have to let you know but I find it odd that this didn’t come up; why didn’t he mention it in passing last night or this morning? Not because he HAS to tell you, but surely you have conversations about everything

WhatsMyPassword · 05/09/2019 20:59

101/111/LTB/photo copy all the statements/buy some ducks and get them in a row/follow him/read all his messages/look in his gym bag for a PAYG phone

For real you think he should up date you on his working day?

Shoxfordian · 05/09/2019 21:00

Seems like something he could have mentioned

RefuseTheLies · 05/09/2019 21:01

I don’t always tell my husband if I’ve decided to work from home rather than going in to the office. Wouldn’t even occur to me as information he’d need.

Grandadwasthatyou · 05/09/2019 21:01

Surely it's just part of normal conversation to let your dp know that you'll be home through the day? I would certainly think it was very strange if my dp said nothing and vice versa I'm sure.

BackforGood · 05/09/2019 21:02

If working from home is out of the ordinary, I'd have though he'd have dropped it into the conversation, but if it is a regular thing I wouldn't have expected him to mention it. I work from home quite a lot, and don't report in my diary to dh.

That said, if I were him, I'd have let you know, so I could stay in bed and you could have the car Wink

badgermushrooms · 05/09/2019 21:02

It's weird not to mention it. I don't feel like I have to "report in" to my DH Confused but it comes up that I'm working from home just in the general sort of conversation that people who live together have.

Unless you have a habit of asking him to do stuff at home when he does actually need to be getting on with work? In which case I could see why he would avoid the subject.

Original poster
managedmis · 05/09/2019 21:02

I can see what people mean that he doesn’t have to let you know but I find it odd that this didn’t come up; why didn’t he mention it in passing last night or this morning

^^

Exactly. He had jeans on and didn't have his backpack I. E. With his laptop in which he needs for work. So to my mind, he planned to work from home but didn't tell me.

Which makes me suspicious, tbh.

OP posts:
Iminagony · 05/09/2019 21:02

I'm with you on this one. I don't need a report but I don't think it's unreasonable to communicate with one another.

I let dh know if I'm home unexpectedly. He usually tells me if he's working from home for a bit. (Usually to check if dd and I are going to be making too much noise for him to though I suspect)

Original poster
managedmis · 05/09/2019 21:03

Unless you have a habit of asking him to do stuff at home when he does actually need to be getting on with work?

^^

Nope. If I'd have known he was there, I'd have asked him to get the Bolognese out of the way he freezer. That's it.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 05/09/2019 21:03

We usually go through diaries together each month so we can plan. Generally we know where the other is working but it’s not a big deal, surely? Did you not guess when he appeared in jeans?

HandsOffMyRights · 05/09/2019 21:04

Did you leave work early just to pick up the kids? If so and you'd planned your day around getting home, then fair enough.

As an aside, I'm confused about your car arrangements.
He normally drops you at the station, takes your shared car and drops off the kids.

So if you were getting the train back early and he would normally have been at work (with said car?) How do you get from the station to pick kids up?

Or, does he leave the car at the station. Even so, if you finished work, got on train to pick kids up do you then pick him up later?

Curious. Might be easier for him to WFH then?

NerrSnerr · 05/09/2019 21:07

I don't tell my husband every time I work from home or sometimes I'll leave work after a meeting to come home if the office is too busy. I'm not hiding things, it just doesn't matter.

Croquembou · 05/09/2019 21:07

I don't tell my husband when I WFH. It normally comes up in the evening but sometimes it doesn't. His reason for staying home (early meeting) makes sense.

Maybe he just thought you knew because of the jeans and lack of backpack? It would have been suspicious if he'd taken the backpack with him, but it doesn't sound like he's tried to deceive you.

Sadiesnakes · 05/09/2019 21:07

I genuinely think the posters that think its completely fine to not share details like this in a ltr haven't actually had the experience of a serious committed relationship or just have their bars set really low and should refrain from advising.

Yes, it's weird he didn't mention it, only you know whether that's significant or not.

Gasticket · 05/09/2019 21:08

That would really p*ss me off. It's the withholding info which would drive me bonkers.

Artesia · 05/09/2019 21:11

On reflection, suspect my previous response may have had more to do with my own current state of mind than anything. As a classic introvert, after the long summer hols, I have spent the last week or so absolutely craving some time at home totally on my own, without having to discuss, explain, or even tell anyone what I’m doing. Feel as though I need that space to recharge after a summer of everyone being together a lot. Might it be something similar?

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