Child maintenance from rich ex boyfriend

[Hanny3]

I recently found out I'm three months pregnant. I'm no longer together with the father. I will be raising the child by myself as the father doesn't won't anything to do with the child.

He has said he will pay child maintenance. He's a very rich guy and comes from a very rich family. He said to me when where together that he earned £15,000 per month after tax (by working for his dad) and that he had other incomes from his investments. He also has a large personal fortune.

He has said he will pay £1,273 a month in child maintenance. He claims that is the maximum he has to pay according to law.

I'm a student and don't have much money. I have asked if he would be willing to pay more the first two years so I can really focus on finishing my studies. He said no.

My mom and my friends are telling my if I take it to court I would get more per month, and are encouraging me to do so. My ex on the other hand says I would get less if I take it to court.

So I was wondering if anyone knows if I would get more per month if I took it to court? And I'm I totally unreasonable if I think he should pay more the first two years while I'm a student?

Their legal knowledge

Happy anniversary @genderfree...i absolutely agree with you. Your post summed up the thread perfectly. Sometimes this place amazes me in its misogyny.

Thanks Roly, 33 years and counting.

The OP’s original question was a reasonable one . She’s stuck between an ex being quite clear with his intentions and a throng of family/friends saying she should go for more . Im guessing we have a potentially rather scared 18-20yr old who had a relatively long term relationship for 18/12 with a guy , break up then the classic get back together , shag scenario ( expect many of us have been there ) possibly hoping for more and now here she is 3/12 pregnant facing difficult decisions . Hopefully she’s been able to sift through the pockets of good advice / food for thought here and just rise above some of the less helpful and at times frankly mean posts made on presumed assumptions about the OP which of course we cannot know .

Actually Roly we’ve just had an argument about his watch. It’s quite high tech and he keeps polishing it and setting of all sorts of things he doesn’t understand . It’s quite funny really. I’m going to crack open a bottle of wine and pretend I’m completely clueless.

@genderfree.

No apologies needed. Yep. It sucks. But it’s meant to be one of the nicer cancers to get.

I like it when people get irate having a discussion. Yet can speak and discuss without shaming people. Swearing at people. Or be nasty and mean.

What happened to good old debating

At the end of the day. No one is always going to agree. Yet as long as we can always put our opinions across and things (sorry. I literally forget words. I used to be articulate) then sometimes we can learn off others

For example. I’ve learnt some things here today about law that I didn’t know.

I’m not quite with it today. I think op is long gone.

33 years is a great achievement. Well done @genderfree.

@bengalcat. I agree. I think the majority of posters don't realise that the OP is potentially very young. I'm not sure it would make a difference to most of them though.

I know what you mean Jubba. I’ve been diagnosed with an auto immune disease that apparently can lead to cancer. There’s cancer in the family. I’ve been given advise to eat vegetables, fruit and to exercise. I do all that anyway

Jubba the op is long gone because she’s been treated like a whore. My heart breaks for her. She won’t come back for advice but if she’s watching please pm me.

Some of the responses and attitudes to the OP are positively victorian. Shitty attitudes that belong in the past.

Yep sue

I got nothing, I would have died for that amount of money.

@Genderfree I do still read all the answers and I appreciate kind words and helpful advice. But I obviously find it though to read some of the the stuff that’s been posted here

And your point is Mad? Some women aren’t walk overs.

I would take the offer. Don’t fight a losing battle because it will be he has already told you that

He might give more in the future pay for private education etc (as this can be requested from such a high earner) and can even request your child lives to a similar standard to him but this is rarely granted. the amount he has worked out is probably 15% which is what the CSA (or whatever they are called now) set but they won’t deal with very high earners and expect you to come up with a deal between solicitors

remember that people who have money can easily pay for accountants to account for their money so they appear to have less you risk getting a lot less (as he has already warned you) if you push for more

Let him build a relationship with his child and he may want to pay more towards him/her and the money goes towards their holidays, time they spend together but that won’t necessarily make your situation better
(though preferable to receiving nothing and your children receiving nothing)

He has obviously looked into payments which would suggest he probably has looked into ways of paying less (by what he said)

And congratulations

With a student loan, hb (maintenance is not taken into account it is for council tax), and your child maintenance you should be comfortable

I was better off as a student with a young child than I am now working full time which is somewhat ridiculous

My heart breaks for her.

I think you are taking the piss. Your heart breaks? Really?

@Genderfree

I do that too. My oncologist said sugar feeds cancer. So don’t eat that. Plus exercise. I try to walk 10 miles everyday. So have done that for a while

Some people just have shitty genetics. Doesn’t natter what you do

The OP sounds pretty together to me, not like a scared teenager. She mentions in a subsequent post that she wants somewhere to live in London on her own and seems quite clued up on what the baby's father said he has. Also it's quite early days and there have been discussions about finances with the father and with her family.

I don't think anyone needs to be crying over this young woman's plight.

YABU, he is paying for your DC not for you because you are a student!

@Hanny3

At the risk of sounding and being controversial, you are not and should not be subjected to expecting less just because others might think what you are getting is beyond expectation because some people are receiving minimal or no child support at all. Your needs are yours and no one (including myself) can provide for you and the child to come. Equally, the length of your relationship is irrelevant. It could have been a one night stand, or a 10 year relationship, this is irrelevant for legal purposes.

One of my DC from my previous marriage and receives significantly more than what your ex boyfriend has offered in child support ( we did not go to court but it's an avenue I would have considered had there not been an agreement in place because it was what my child was accustomed to pre our divorce). His payments match his standards of living and income .

However, I was married to my ex and we built his business together. I was also financially stabile & could afford to raise my child without his support and without input from my current DP and most importantly was in a position if it were ever needed to sustain such a lengthy legal process ! If that makes me a gold digger as some have implied you to be, so be it!

Having said that, you are better off accepting this amount at the moment and once the child is born and expenses can be more accurately calculated, asking for more specific contributions such as school fees etc! I do however agree that you cannot bank on the assumption that your ex will be able to provide the same amount for the next 21 years! Nor can you rely on his finances to educate yourself. Seek legal advice! As you are in London have a look at Mishcon de Reya. They have a fantastic family law practice geared at higher income earners albeit extremely expensive but they do deliver.

@genderfree thank you!!! at last some sense on this thread, thank goodness.

I found myself in a similar situation as the OP 9 years ago.

My child’s father didn’t want his child and didn’t want any share of care. (I later discovered he had form, let’s say, with terminations...) He was very wealthy and had an extremely comfortable lifestyle but only wanted to pay the bare minimum in child support that he could get away with under CMS - which was around the sum the OP mentions (once he’d done a bit of manipulation of income and assets).

I won’t bore with all the details but such was the salary, nursery and housing arithmetic in our area that even though I was working, it looked like my baby would have to go into FT nursery at three months old while I went back to work FT with basically no disposable income at all and a pretty grim existence.

The legal advice at the time was:

• I probably could make an S1 under the Children’s Act and I could apply for costs
• a court would take into account both the child’s father’s standard of living and my own (both pre and post baby) in determining an appropriate standard of living for the baby. In other words it would not award a crazy amount of money so the baby would be wearing Gucci and eating off gold spoons, but nor would it consider it appropriate for the baby to end up living in a tiny one room flat & subsisting on jam sandwiches while it’s father had three homes and a fleet of cars.

In the end, I chose not to go to court, despite my lawyer urging me to. I didn’t have the energy and didn’t want to waste money on lawyers fees that could be otherwise spent on childcare Etc. We instead did legal mediation, without solicitors present. It was nonetheless emotionally, mentally and physically draining (particularly when heavily pregnant) and pretty humiliating because I had to account for and explain and justify every single detail of my life, from the cost of my weekly food shop to the cost of my contact lenses and how much I spent on Christmas (which was not all that much but it was still criticised and argued about). I had expected to have to provide estimates to the penny of how much I would be spending on childcare and nappies and wipes etc every month, but the focus on my own life was horrible, given I wasn’t asking for any support for myself. We did not, EVER, discuss his lifestyle or what he spent on himself or his other children (when this was touched on he exploded with rage). It was a very one sided affair. The mediator was trying superhard to be neutral but on a couple of occasions she stepped in, I think when she felt I wasn’t able to stand up to the barrage.

Anyway, nine years later I am still in FT work and still have sole care. The father these days does
not regret contributing what he did/does for his child, although it has taken a long time to reach that point. I would recommend mediation as a solution but it won’t work if there is an imbalance of power and/or competence between the parties. I doubt I could have managed it when I was 19 or 20.

Yes Jubba i know what you mean. It’s annoying isn’t it. If you want support, even if only online, please let me help or at least find help that’s local to you

A lawyer will want the work. They will never actively discourage a case as it’s a whole load of billable hours whether it’s successful or not. That’s the reality. As I say people will do anything for money.