AIBU to be pissed off with these school mums?

[Akiddleydiveytoo]

DD1 is in yr8 and about 3 weeks before the end of last term a letter was sent home to inform parents that, as a result of uniform standards dropping over the last few years they were going to start enforce the uniform rules more vigorously in the new school year. As part of this we were told that jeans, leggings, jeggings and skinny trousers were no longer going to tolerated and anyone in breach of these dress codes would be placed in isolation until the acceptable uniform was brought into school to change into. As well as the letter home this message was subsequently emailed to parents, put on Facebook and Twitter so people could not fail to see it in one form or another. It was made VERY clear that only tailored trousers (or skirts) would be allowed.

Over the school holidays there were a number of posts on the parent's Facebook page asking for recommendations on where to get trousers from. Lots of parents responded with links to skinny trousers. I (and some other parents) pointed out that these were no longer allowed but the responses were always 'well my older DD always wore them and she's never been told off' or 'DD will only wear skinny trousers' or 'the tailored trousers just don't look right on DD, she's too skinny' etc.

Anyway, first day back today and, as predicted, a LOT of warnings were given out to girls in skinny trousers/leggings. Instead of going straight to isolation, however, as the letter said, they were given a yellow slip to take home to their parents and given until Monday to sort out the correct uniform.

Cue a torrent of outrage on the parents Facebook page. Emails, letters, phone calls to the school to say how outrageous it was and how they'd spent a fortune on these trousers and how they weren't prepared to buy anymore. Giving any excuse under the sun why their DDs can't possibly be expected to wear proper tailored trousers etc.

AIBU to be really pissed off with these parents? They were given at least 9 weeks notice of this and the consequences for not conforming were made very clear, they just didn't feel as though the rules applied to them. OK, they might not feel as though uniform is all that important for learning but if the school imposes a (reasonable) rule you follow it right? It would have cost them just as much to buy tailored trousers as it would skinny. What example are they setting their DC if they're teaching them they can just ignore rules that they don't like?

Who sends their kids to school in jeans and leggings? I can understand wanting to phase that out but don’t see the issue with skinny trousers personally. However I can understand why you’d be annoyed about their reaction when they’ve been given plenty of opportunity to conform. It’s hard work listening to people bitching and moan and not be brought down by their stupidness. Just try and avoid the conflict and be grateful your child is dressed appropriately.

Yanbu. I appreciate that it may not affect learning but learning to abide by rules and standards is important. Might explain why in my workplace which is a uniformed and disciplined environment struggles getting the newer people to understand the uniform requirements, that work is not a fashion parade and uniform not optional or there to be be 'tweaked' becasue it isnt pretty....

YANBU in any way. These parents were given the uniform list and if in any doubt could have checked with the school. Our school are clear that skinny trousers, or shiny trousers aren't allowed.

These parents shouldn't have listened to others who thought they knew better than the school, so it serves them right and they shouldn't be bleating all over FB about it.

Wearing a uniform is all part of learning discipline and when they get out in the working world, a lot of them will have to wear uniforms, or protective clothing or whatever, they won't be able to do what they want then.

I’m with you OP. My DD’s school is super strict on uniform and the parents have been told from the beginning (open evening before you even applied for a place) that it’s not something they’ll ever compromise on. If we don’t like it, there is another three secondary schools in town we can send our kids to 😀.

Our state secondary says we have to have a specific style of trousers blazer etc from a specific uniform shop. It costs quite a bit and M & S would be cheaper, but it is quite strict and everyone just gets it.

Same.

The fact that they're skinny jeans isn't the issue. It's following some basic rules and dress codes, it's learning how to respect authority, it's about learning to adapt to your environment.
No matter where you end up in life the ability to do the above is an essential social skill. School isn't just for learning the academics but also life skills. I'm not surprised schools try and do this as the kids will clearly not learn these skills from the parents.

It seems daft yes but it's about the above skill set not actually about skinny jeans or leggings as such.

I also agree that the parents who kick up a fuss about this will be the ones who park on the zigzags outside if school, park on double yellows etc.

Personally, if people can't take care of these simple things in life how can you rely on them for the bigger things. Some may say don't sweat the small stuff but for me if you take care of the small things the big things take care if themselves.

stayathomer But the money you spend on uniform you would spend on a few decent outfits. Nothing has to be branded just decent.

Uniform is a crock of shit so YABU.

I would really like to say that uniform rules should be a broad stroke but that is the rule at the local high school ( tie, white shirt and black clothing) but I can regularly see the knickers of the girls as they walk to school and I really wish I was exaggerating for effect but I am not.

The smart ones wear skinny jeans and skinny trousers so I am inclined to say they are okay but I don’t think the rules in the OP sound too onerous and the time to complain or discuss it with the school was at the end of last term.

What these parents need to do is work together and make the school cave in. If enough of them do it (write to the governors, continue refusing to spend on the extortionately-priced, shoddy 'branded' uniform, go to the local papers) they can make the school back down. Therefore teaching their DC the valuable lesson that you can push back against petty tyranny if you work collectively, and that rules should always be questioned. If you don't get a sensible answer as to why the rule is in place, work to get it overturned.

It's the school's prerogative to set their own rules. And from a staff perspective it is a tedious waste of everyone's time to have to wrangle with kids/parents over small things every day. It sets a negative tone, impacts on relationships and that child will then see school as a negative place.

Parents really need to consider whether refusing to follow simple policies is really worth their child's school experience being tarnished by being frequently in trouble. Ultimately these parents are choosing to put their child in a difficult position, it's unfair on the child and does them no favours whatsoever. Find something genuine to rebel over, if you have to assert your freedoms. Or find a different school!

It seems daft yes but it's about the above skill set not actually about skinny jeans or leggings as such

I disagree. It is almost always about the school’s image, rather than being for the benefit of the children. The skills you mention are learnt every day through adherence to all the other school rules, having to turn up on time, do homework, etc. No need to have a uniform as well. Unless all the other countries in the world without uniform are turning out lazy, feckless ne’er-do-wells who are incapable of playing the game and conforming later in life, when at work?

I always thought the focus on uniform was petty and not at all what schools should be focusing on. I recently started working at a large school and being surrounded by 2000 teenagers every day has made me think differently. Many of the kids look absolutely awful, particularly the girls who have gone for the shortest, tightest skirt possible. With the horrible micro skirts and the range of various trouser styles, cropped, skin tight etc, the overall impression of the kids en masse is untidy, and just not very uniform! School uniform should be about ironing out differences between kids - financial, taste in fashion, etc. It is not about ‘expressing yourself’!

School uniform should be about ironing out differences between kids - financial, taste in fashion, etc.

Why do you think it should be about that?

Excellent post, @Theendofmyrope.

Well said OP. If the parents will not follow the school rules then what message is this giving the children - they can just do whatever they want when rules have clearly been put into place with LOTS of notice! Some parents just try their hardest to be aukward to get as much attention as possible - pleading poverty when they have made the decision to waste money on the wrong uniform on purpose!

The trouble is, once they make the rule they have to enforce it.
But there is no sensible reason for these narrowly interpreted rules.
The 'preparing for the world of work' line doesnt wash.
Why spend 11 years preparing to learn a lesson that takes 5 mins to get your head round? Not everyone wears a tie at work, either, so some poor kid is preparing for the wrong sort of job.
When they start work they will take a 2 min look around at their colleagues and know what to wear.
If the point is to promote unity or make the pupils easily distinguishable, then you could just as easily say, 'any black trousers you want, and a school polo shirt with optional school sweatshirt'.
Easy, quick and relatively cheap.
If its about discipline, well, wide trousers do not a well-behaved child make.
My kids school were nuts about this sort of shit and were always pulling kids up because their hair was too long, short or the wrong colour. One teacher walked round with a ruler.
Because, why? They made the rules, and so they had to enforce them.
I really do think that a review of this stuff is overdue. Why make a rod for your own back? My suspicion is that some people love to have the option to pull up the kids that they don't like or think are up to something, because if you interpret the rules narrowly enough you will be bound to find something you can get em on.

Nope, we need much more resistance to 'authority'. It's teaching DC to obey their 'betters' that has led to much of the mess we are in now. Learning how to push back and when to push back is a skill they need to learn. It's essential to learn the difference between a sensible, fair rule and one which is all about feeding the ego or delusions of the person trying to enforce it - it is, for instance, pretty standard that a school which is in trouble gets a new head who brings in a complete change to the uniform, regardless of the expense to parents in a generally poor area, ends up with the school's performance deteriorating further.
For instance, the sort of school uniform that involves a lot of logoed, specific clothing is a stupid idea. the clothes are always overpriced and poor quality, as well as generally being really fucking ugly (I live in an urban area with a lot of secondary schools and I have no idea what the 'designers' of these uniforms were thinking: horrible clashing colours that flatter no-one, everything in shiny nylon that looks shit after a couple of washes, and FFS when will they all get over the obsession with white shirts?)

I have no idea why people think that they are so important and above the rules that they can blatantly ignore them just to suit their own wants and needs. They are at school and a uniform policy is in place. It should be adhered to. Teaching kids that they can just blatantly flout the rules does them no favours whatsoever.

Adhering to rules and policies is an important lesson which gets them ready to function in society. As a nurse, I have a strict uniform policy; no jewelry, hair tied back, no nail polish etc, for infection control purposes. An NHS issued uniform which must be worn, as provided, whilst on shift. An ID badge which is on show to let any patients or fellow colleagues see exactly who I am and what my position is. There are many other jobs in society which have the same rules; emergency services, pilots, cabin crew, retail workers etc. While I understand that skinny trousers as opposed to non tight fitting ones doesn't impinge on their academic learning, it still teaches them something; that there are sometimes certain requirements in life ie standards to adhere to and I'm not sure how it is teaching them any useful lessons by encouraging them to flout any rules that they don't fancy following.

YANBU, not read all the replies as the thread's long, but that kind of atttitude fucks me off!
How hard is it to buy the correct uniform in the first place?!
I mean, I could see their point if they'd had it sprung on them but you say they were told clearly at the end of term what the rules were.
Smacks of entitlement, gives a bratty attitude to their kids who'll think the rules don't apply to them and if the teachers don't like it or tell them off they can go running to Mummy and Daddy who'll back them up and not the teacher.
Suck it up, demz da rules and that's what I tell my kids. If the teachers don't have the backing of the parents who outright defy and undermine, no wonder there's so many don't give a shit little brats out there!
Grr rant over lol

@Miou32
But did you wear your uniform on the days you were in college?
And do you wear it if you go on a training day?
Of course not.
You wear it now, because it is essential to your job. As do the guys who work in McDonalds. But that doesnt mean that they need to start wearing it before they get the job, just so they are prepared
That's silly

Aaaand as if by magic, after typing my mini rant I log into FB and see the local town group is having a whinge about sodding school shoes and how it's "discusting" that they've been told off and nowhere does it say on the website they should be leather!
WTF planet do you have to be on to think you can just have some kind of black trainer thang and be fine?
I swear some people just lack common sense

I hate non school uniform days, trying to find clothes that will stand out least or not look raggy . It must be hell for people who do that daily. A uniform is a way of making everyone go in on an even keel.
stayathomer

It is exactly the opposite of hell.
Kids in non uniform schools pick out clothes that are comfortable and weather appropriate. Or they wear whatever clothes they have that are clean on any given day.

Millions of them all across the US and Europe have done exactly that for decades. They end up wearing jeans, leggings, sweatpants, shorts, T-shirts, hoodies, cardigans.

The reason mufti days are such hell is that non-uniform clothing has been turned into 'forbidden fruit', or something incredibly special, by uniform rules in school, and students are desperate to impress each other with their style.

I’m sure our kids are at the same school OP.

I happen to think strict uniform rules are a ridiculous waste of time and energy for teachers. But that’s the route the school have gone down (new head?), and so my kids are going to wear the right clothes. YANBU to be mad at the rebel parents because it makes it harder for the rule-following parents to argue why their kids have to wear the ugly trousers.

However it just generally pisses me off that it’s always girls being policed. At this school a couple of years ago my then year 9 dd and a group of friends were told not to wear skinny trousers because it distracted the boys. I kid you not.

I work in education. When uniform rules start to become lax you often get a resultant drop in good behaviour and one way to deal with this is to enforce good uniform standards.

My parents had a list of specific uniform clothes that they were allowed to buy - including shoes - these children wouldn't have survived 5 minutes with the school rules I had!

And this pandering to them by their parents doesn't do them any favours at all. Life is full of rules … get used to it!