AIBU to be pissed off with these school mums?

[Akiddleydiveytoo]

DD1 is in yr8 and about 3 weeks before the end of last term a letter was sent home to inform parents that, as a result of uniform standards dropping over the last few years they were going to start enforce the uniform rules more vigorously in the new school year. As part of this we were told that jeans, leggings, jeggings and skinny trousers were no longer going to tolerated and anyone in breach of these dress codes would be placed in isolation until the acceptable uniform was brought into school to change into. As well as the letter home this message was subsequently emailed to parents, put on Facebook and Twitter so people could not fail to see it in one form or another. It was made VERY clear that only tailored trousers (or skirts) would be allowed.

Over the school holidays there were a number of posts on the parent's Facebook page asking for recommendations on where to get trousers from. Lots of parents responded with links to skinny trousers. I (and some other parents) pointed out that these were no longer allowed but the responses were always 'well my older DD always wore them and she's never been told off' or 'DD will only wear skinny trousers' or 'the tailored trousers just don't look right on DD, she's too skinny' etc.

Anyway, first day back today and, as predicted, a LOT of warnings were given out to girls in skinny trousers/leggings. Instead of going straight to isolation, however, as the letter said, they were given a yellow slip to take home to their parents and given until Monday to sort out the correct uniform.

Cue a torrent of outrage on the parents Facebook page. Emails, letters, phone calls to the school to say how outrageous it was and how they'd spent a fortune on these trousers and how they weren't prepared to buy anymore. Giving any excuse under the sun why their DDs can't possibly be expected to wear proper tailored trousers etc.

AIBU to be really pissed off with these parents? They were given at least 9 weeks notice of this and the consequences for not conforming were made very clear, they just didn't feel as though the rules applied to them. OK, they might not feel as though uniform is all that important for learning but if the school imposes a (reasonable) rule you follow it right? It would have cost them just as much to buy tailored trousers as it would skinny. What example are they setting their DC if they're teaching them they can just ignore rules that they don't like?

What has any of that got to do with uniform? Do children suddenly become invisible if they aren't in blazers with the school emblem and tailored trousers? I think not. Do they become more unruly when not in uniform. Again, as I said before, other countries manage absolutely fine without uniforms. They are not sending illiterate reprobates out into the world to cause havoc.

The U.K. doesn’t have identical culture to these other countries. Feel free to spend a month in a U.K. secondary school and then see how you feel.

the UK has a very similar culture to plenty of countries that do not have uniform as standard. Holland, for example.

It doesn't need to have an identical culture. I have no idea what you are trying to say now to be honest. There are plenty of countries that don't have uniform. None of them will have identical cultures either

Other countries do things differently in lots of different ways. You seem to have little understanding of what secondary schools are like in this country.

I know that secondary schools in the UK have the additional burden on staff that uniform creates, as well as cost and stress for parents.

What is it exactly about UK secondaries that makes them incapable of functioning without uniform?

Maybe UK secondaries should start looking at what other countries do better, instead of being stuck in some Empire-era mindset.

The U.K. doesn’t have identical culture to these other countries.

Honestly, we are not that special! Many west European countries have cultures remarkably similar to ours!

Cross post with Cassian. Yes, I was thinking of Holland too!

Maybe instead of moaning to FB, the parents could band together and put the end to ridiculous uniform rules and maybe uniforms altogether?

Meh. Maybe its a money thing. Everyone at my school shopped anywhere but the recommended uniform shop as they charged £20 for white shirts etc. As long as you had a white shirt & grey skirt the school never bothered. 'Tailored' can also mean tight too, so they're on a hiding to nothing if people sew & alter straight legged options, as they've just 'tailored' them .

It doesn't affect their learning but what does it teach them? If they get a job and have to wear a uniform are they going to decide what they will wear? No of course they aren't.

Millions of adults around the world cope with jobs requiring uniform despite having attended schools without. How do you account for that?

Affecting learning? No. But the sort of entitled and stroppy individual that thinks the rules don’t apply to them generally disrupts everyone’s learning by arguing with the teacher and generally being a PITA.

But then if you decide not to have a pointless rule that doesn't affect learning, the argument won't arise. Sure, the kid might argue about other things, but why hand them such a good argument?

Millions of adults around the world cope with jobs requiring uniform despite having attended schools without. How do you account for that?

This. Also jobs in uniform are usually down the scale. Very few high-end professions require uniform.

Ugh, I'm beginning to think a load of mum's together - school or otherwise, are just programmed to moan moan moan! It's so tiring! My new school year resolution is to try and ignore it all as it also does wind me up even when it's got nothing to do with me directly!

A load of Mums together = Mumsnet

"Ugh, I'm beginning to think a load of mum's together - school or otherwise, are just programmed to moan moan moan! It's so tiring!"

As a dad, I'm not really getting this. I don't think OP is moaning in the slightest.

I think she's correctly pointing out that there are people who are knowingly breaking the rules, for whatever reason, then complaining when they're asked to correct their mistake.

These people are described as CFs in other posts.

These tend to be the same people shouting "I'll only be five minutes" when parking directly across a kerb.

Or shouting blue murder to a poor teacher who dared to challenge the fact the pupil across her has piercings and a blue streak in her hair. "I doesn't affect their LEARNING!"

The point for me is simple. If schools made everything ambiguous, they could not realistically enforce anything - it would be clear that every line is one that can shift according to the bolshiness of the person across from them.

Just buy the right uniform, at the right time, support your children's learning, and stop shouting when someone shows you how you were wrong.

My daughter had pink hair, multiple piercings and three As at A level.

Damn, if I'd weaned her off the hair dye she'd obviously have got A*s.

She has purple hair at the moment at her top Uni. She's going to miss that first isn't she?

Wolfiefan

By all means do explain it to me. Why can secondary or primary schools in this country not function without uniform while others can?

Yabu to care. It doesn't matter if they are annoyed. They still have to abide by the rules. Result!

Or shouting blue murder to a poor teacher who dared to challenge the fact the pupil across her has piercings and a blue streak in her hair. "I doesn't affect their LEARNING"!

Surely, there is a difference between a pair of plain black trousers which were perfectly acceptable last term and is no longer and multiple piercings and blue hair.

I hate non school uniform days, trying to find clothes that will stand out least or not look raggy . It must be hell for people who do that daily. A uniform is a way of making everyone go in on an even keel.

I'm old enough to have gone to primary school in pre uniform days. I honestly do not remember anyone being bullied for what they wore.

One little girl joined our school from a private primary and wore her gingham school dresses and navy cardigans every day. In our seventies flares and Bay City Rollers T shirts, we were quite perplexed as to why she appeared to have only one dress when her family were obviously loaded, but no one ever teased her.

And we were fantastically behaved compared to kids today.

It's not the same, stayathomer. A non-uniform day at a uniform school is the perfect recipe giddy behaviour!

You cannot compare occasional non-uniform days with never wearing uniform at all. My day is a piece of piss- DD is in t shirt leggings or shorts, hoodie and trainers every day as are many of her friends.

Stay certainly in my kids' non uniform sixth form, no one seemed very bothered what they wore.

DD1 wore Docs, black jeans, band T shirt, Army surplus camo jacket.
DD2 wore vintage tatt from our local charity shops and was generally channelling Siobhan Fahey
DS1 jeans, nice trainers, Adidas hoody

None of this would cost more than a school uniform, none of it was considered remarkable.