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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be pissed off with these school mums?

291 replies

Akiddleydiveytoo · 04/09/2019 18:45

DD1 is in yr8 and about 3 weeks before the end of last term a letter was sent home to inform parents that, as a result of uniform standards dropping over the last few years they were going to start enforce the uniform rules more vigorously in the new school year. As part of this we were told that jeans, leggings, jeggings and skinny trousers were no longer going to tolerated and anyone in breach of these dress codes would be placed in isolation until the acceptable uniform was brought into school to change into. As well as the letter home this message was subsequently emailed to parents, put on Facebook and Twitter so people could not fail to see it in one form or another. It was made VERY clear that only tailored trousers (or skirts) would be allowed.

Over the school holidays there were a number of posts on the parent's Facebook page asking for recommendations on where to get trousers from. Lots of parents responded with links to skinny trousers. I (and some other parents) pointed out that these were no longer allowed but the responses were always 'well my older DD always wore them and she's never been told off' or 'DD will only wear skinny trousers' or 'the tailored trousers just don't look right on DD, she's too skinny' etc.

Anyway, first day back today and, as predicted, a LOT of warnings were given out to girls in skinny trousers/leggings. Instead of going straight to isolation, however, as the letter said, they were given a yellow slip to take home to their parents and given until Monday to sort out the correct uniform.

Cue a torrent of outrage on the parents Facebook page. Emails, letters, phone calls to the school to say how outrageous it was and how they'd spent a fortune on these trousers and how they weren't prepared to buy anymore. Giving any excuse under the sun why their DDs can't possibly be expected to wear proper tailored trousers etc.

AIBU to be really pissed off with these parents? They were given at least 9 weeks notice of this and the consequences for not conforming were made very clear, they just didn't feel as though the rules applied to them. OK, they might not feel as though uniform is all that important for learning but if the school imposes a (reasonable) rule you follow it right? It would have cost them just as much to buy tailored trousers as it would skinny. What example are they setting their DC if they're teaching them they can just ignore rules that they don't like? Angry

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 05/09/2019 14:08

Ime having dress codes in schools only gives children something to rebel against. When I was at school people would break the uniform rules all the time, most likely just to see what they could get away with. The amount of time it wasted pulling students out the queue in the morning because their tie wasn't ties properly, they didn't have the right shoes on (perhaps wearing trainers, usually the kids that's came from poor homes and they only had one pair of shoes) was ludacris. Head teachers can't be that busy if they have an hour to waste each morning handing out punishments to students.

Drogosnextwife · 05/09/2019 14:09

*ludicrous

Drogosnextwife · 05/09/2019 14:12

Surely if I could work out, at the age of 12, that someone was wearing old tattered trainers to school because they only had one pair of shoes, educated adults should be able to work it out?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/09/2019 14:18

Exactly. Its parents who provide, or fail to provide, the uniform so why punish the kids?

Sunlight82 · 05/09/2019 14:50

Our school solves this my having a uniform shop and everything is purchased from there. One type of trouser etc. Saves a huge amount of fuss. As parents know this is how it is no one makes any issue about it.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/09/2019 15:09

If you have sent your children to a school that has uniform though then you are agreeing to abide by those schools policies on behaviour, bullying, timekeeping etc. No parent or pupil is going to agree with all those things at all times, but in sending your child there you have agreed to abide by the rules.

It is much easier for teachers to have a blanket enforcement of rules rather than spending time on individual cases working out what's acceptable or not.

Surely if you think uniform is a stupid rule, then suggest to the school that pupils all vote on whether they want to change the uniform policy.

Drogosnextwife · 05/09/2019 15:16

Where I live we don't get to chose what school our kids go to. Also I think all schools in the UK have a uniform policy as far as I know.

CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 15:16

AmIRight you're assuming that there was some choice in the matter. Many parents have no real choice in where their DC end up at school.

Drogosnextwife · 05/09/2019 15:38

Also if pupils got to vote on whether they wear uniform or not, I would bet good money on no schools having uniforms.

Aaarrgghhh · 05/09/2019 15:47

I don’t understand the argument that it sets them up for work. For one, not all work places have a set uniforms and secondly, when you attend college and university there isn’t a uniform and they are closer to getting jobs than primary and secondary school kids..

StarringRole · 05/09/2019 15:51

I can’t imagine caring enough about it to piss me off. It isn’t your kid, so what’s the issue?

CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 15:55

Aaarrgghhh that'll be because it's a bollocks argument. Always has been but it's been trotted out on MN for years.

stayathomer · 05/09/2019 17:00

All of our clothes are hand me downs or Penny's which is grand at the weekend as it just looks like you're chilling but I think if they went into school dressed the way they do they would stand out as being poorer and maybe no one would notice except for me, but every morning would be spent trying to make sure they had their better/Best clothes on. A uniform eliminates that. I know it's in my head but still!

CassianAndor · 05/09/2019 17:06

yes, it is in your head, so that's your issue to deal with.

I can only speak from my own experience but who is wearing what is a non-issue at her school. I have never taken the least notice of what anyone is wearing and as far as I can tell no-one else does either. There is no clothing-based bullying. DD has spent a good amount of her time the wearing cheap stuff from H&M and the supermarket. Her best friend's mum buys clothes bundles of ebay.

I think it's part of the culture - they have removed any 'value' to what anyone wears.

user87382294757 · 05/09/2019 17:16

On this subject this from the BBC news

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-49592200

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/09/2019 17:28

user873etc

Thank you for that link.

Love the way the father complains his DD was "singled out" and "placed in isolation"- with another 15 children . . . Hmm

CecilyP · 05/09/2019 17:33

Maybe he meant that she was singled out for having too short trousers while the other 15 children in isolation were there for bad behaviour for which isolation was the appropriate punishment.

DanceItOut · 05/09/2019 17:40

I would sit and think they were all idiots that deserve to have to spend money buying the correct uniform after not doing it correctly the first time but I wouldn't get worked up and angry about it because they aren't my problem.

Beesandcheese · 05/09/2019 17:42

I'd just laugh at them. They're arrogant and/or deliberately ignorant

ABmumof3 · 05/09/2019 17:53

Yes YABU focus on your family and and let the school deal with the rest.
I am dreading secondary school because of all the uniform rules that seem to arrived over the last few yrs

Awalkinthepark1 · 05/09/2019 18:00

Rules are rules and they apply to both parents and children. Parents who allow or even encourage pupils to ignore the rules are irresponsible, no excuses.

MullinerSpec · 05/09/2019 18:03

Its just a fact of modern day parenting that their precious little ones are exempt from the the rule because they perceive the as 'special'. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of children will grow to be average adults, living average lives, earning average salary, not the next Stephen Hawkins.

Millie2017 · 05/09/2019 18:06

OP I went to a parents evening for new joiners in July. They dedicated a whole section to asking parents not to let their children use the play equipment in the grounds. Their insurance only covers in school hours and parts are age specific to year groups.
First day back yesterday, a whole load of parents let their children on the play equipment while we wait for the classroom door to open.
A teacher came out and asked them to get off and reiterated why they can’t be on it.
This morning same parents, same children, on the play equipment.
No doubt it’ll be the same tomorrow.
Some people just don’t think the rules apply to them.

FuglyBitch · 05/09/2019 18:07

Why stress yourself over it, live and let live Confused

bmbonanza · 05/09/2019 18:27

I was always happy for them to enforce the uniform rules but it always annoyed me that the girls rules were super strict - no skinny trousers or shirts that rode up above the waist with arms raised etc - but boys could basically do as they liked. When questioned they said it was because boys clothes hadnt got as many styles