AIBU to be pissed off with these school mums?

[Akiddleydiveytoo]

DD1 is in yr8 and about 3 weeks before the end of last term a letter was sent home to inform parents that, as a result of uniform standards dropping over the last few years they were going to start enforce the uniform rules more vigorously in the new school year. As part of this we were told that jeans, leggings, jeggings and skinny trousers were no longer going to tolerated and anyone in breach of these dress codes would be placed in isolation until the acceptable uniform was brought into school to change into. As well as the letter home this message was subsequently emailed to parents, put on Facebook and Twitter so people could not fail to see it in one form or another. It was made VERY clear that only tailored trousers (or skirts) would be allowed.

Over the school holidays there were a number of posts on the parent's Facebook page asking for recommendations on where to get trousers from. Lots of parents responded with links to skinny trousers. I (and some other parents) pointed out that these were no longer allowed but the responses were always 'well my older DD always wore them and she's never been told off' or 'DD will only wear skinny trousers' or 'the tailored trousers just don't look right on DD, she's too skinny' etc.

Anyway, first day back today and, as predicted, a LOT of warnings were given out to girls in skinny trousers/leggings. Instead of going straight to isolation, however, as the letter said, they were given a yellow slip to take home to their parents and given until Monday to sort out the correct uniform.

Cue a torrent of outrage on the parents Facebook page. Emails, letters, phone calls to the school to say how outrageous it was and how they'd spent a fortune on these trousers and how they weren't prepared to buy anymore. Giving any excuse under the sun why their DDs can't possibly be expected to wear proper tailored trousers etc.

AIBU to be really pissed off with these parents? They were given at least 9 weeks notice of this and the consequences for not conforming were made very clear, they just didn't feel as though the rules applied to them. OK, they might not feel as though uniform is all that important for learning but if the school imposes a (reasonable) rule you follow it right? It would have cost them just as much to buy tailored trousers as it would skinny. What example are they setting their DC if they're teaching them they can just ignore rules that they don't like?

YANBU. The school uniform rules need to be enforced.

I don’t agree with schools having stupid uniform rules (once a kid got told the trousers weren’t suitable because they had back pockets, they were from a school wear range and looked fine it was just the pockets) but I do believe uniform is there for a reason and schools have these rules for a reason for everyone to look similar. But some people do think they are above it and send their kids in whatever they please!! So you are not being unreasonable.

My son in primary school so it’s a little easier. There was a man who consistently sent their children with different items. Sometimes he’d wear a normal casual hoody rather than the school jumper (I think it was because she hadn’t washed the school jumper or something). The same child was also in brightly coloured trainers.

I just think uniform is important and makes everyone equal.

The parents at your child school had plenty of notice to sort it out properly.

I weirdly look forward to September when all the news articles come along how such and such for in trouble for wearing the wrong shoes, uniform, or they are sporting a wacky hair cut. Parents have weeks to sort it out 🤣

What is it teaching her op? Surely its teaching her how life actually works, most people follow rules, some dont, get in trouble and may or may not follow the rule next week. hardly anything traumatic. I actually cannot see why you're so exercised by this.

Stay off Facebook if it gets you that riled! It's not compulsory.

I'm not a big fan of uniform and I think that if schools have a uniform it is best to make it affordable, largely available in generic shops and not too nit-picky on the details.

BUT, the school should enforce whatever rules they do have in place, and parents have got no excuse for failing to adhere to them.

It infuriates me when uniform rules aren’t enforced, either enforce the rules you have, or don’t have the rules...

No YANBU because the poor attitude from parents and their children rub off on their peer group!! Luckily my children went to secondary schools where the parents supported the school rules and they knuckled down and worked hard without the distractions of others !!

Well it doesn’t affect their learning

Indirectly it does, if the parents are encouraging the attitude of 'no rule applies to me' then that will find its way into the child's attitude in the classroom. Where does it stop? 'My child isn't doing homework, any punishment irrespective of the right or wrong', 'I'll be making a nuisance of myself about any nit-picking beef', 'I'm taking my saddo face the papers' etc etc.

Children need to be taught by example that even if you personally judge a rule pointless they're there to be followed, that's how society works. The speed limit of 50mph still applies at 3 am, if a traffic light is red I stop, even if there is no traffic.

Why on earth do you care so much?!

You got the rules right, they didn’t and have been punished

Being the know-it-all pointing out the rules on the FB page hasn’t helped at all

I mean yeah they broke the rules and got the consequence.... but I think YABU for getting wound up by this... let them complain if they like. Who knows maybe the school will end up including skinny trousers in its uniform list
I mean ur complaining about people complaining here... just dont get involved if you dont agree with them you dont need to add to the drama... how does it affect you?

1. These parents are being ridiculous for expecting the rules don't apply to their children.

1. You are being ridiculous for being pissed off about something that doesn't concern you at all.

1. School uniforms are ridiculous.

YANBU. If there are rules about dress, stick to them. If you don't like it, go elsewhere, but don't moan about your precious offspring being victimised.

FWIW, skinny trousers look awful on girls. Kilts look much nicer.

I think if some schools were more reasonable about uniform, parents would be inclined to adhere to the rules. Some schools want to make it as expensive, uncomfortable and unflattering as possible.
Having said it though, they have to enforce it or it isn't fair on the kids who are dressed in correct uniform.
I do think yabu to get mad about it though.

Children have to learn to conform - they are not allowed to do/wear what they like - that will come later. Why do parents rail against this?

YANBU
Parents taking this line breeds discontent and separates the children into different camps There is enough competition and bullying in schools without the parents participating in the games.

Nice gender stereotyping there, @Akiddleydiveytoo

All of these "lovely" children will soon be in the real world where they will get sacked from their job when they do not follow the rules/policies - their parents won't be able to support them then!

Schools are just trying to instill this responsibility earlier and parents like this do not help their kids in the long term...

Yes, they can still learn - but will they respect?

I'll be supporting my school and their policies instilling the right behaviours from an early age.

This is why some kids don't respect teachers, police etc... some parents simply cannot see the impact their encouragement of breaking school rules has.

Hmm, I think persnickety uniform rules are a daft waste of time. Pick your battles, who does it harm if someone’s school trousers are skinny?

I also think we should encourage our kids to question rules, not just follow them blindly.

My kids do wear correct uniform by the way, but our school is not rabidly strict anyway. (DS has shinny trousers).

I'm a firm believer that there shouldn't be any differentiation in kids at school and uniform helps to prevent this. If kids are allowed to wear designer gear etc then the lower socioeconomic kids miss out and school becomes a competition - it should be about learning!
I also believe that if a school enforces a uniform policy parents should uphold it - when you start work, you have to abide by the uniform or clothing code at work. You can't just say "oooh I'm just going to wear different trousers today"!

Yanbu. It infuriates me when people think the rules don't apply to them.
Agree, skinny trousers vs tailored doesn't affect learning but it is the school's uniform. If the uniform states blue jumpers, and a child turns up wearing red because it suits them better, they would be in breach of those rules and this is no different.
Also agree that you should be able to question rules, but then do that. Approach the school, discuss it, use the appropriate procedures and processes to try and change the rule. Don't teach your children that they can pick and choose which rules to follow and dismiss anything they d9n't like as "stupid". It's ignorant and despicable parenting.

@FrederickAlgernonTrotteville not at all. ALL of the people I'm talking about are Mums of DDs so not gender stereotyping at all. I'm not talking in general terms, I am talking about specific people.

FWIW, apart from gently (and I thought helpfully) reminding them of the rules when they were asking for suggestions/recommendations several weeks ago I've not got involved in any of this (and have no intention of doing so). No this doesn't impact me directly and I'm not sitting here silently fuming into my cup of tea but I am irritated by their attitude. Isn't that what AIBU is for?

It's the school's rules.

You want your child there - you follow the rules.

If you don't like it, find a school whose rules you do like.

@ChicCroissant this reminds me of a 'sad face' article in my local paper when a child was sent home for (I think) for wearing a crop top. Mum said the school was not letting her express herself blah blah...
The paper posted the story on Facebook and I think it's fair to say the mothers did not get the response she hoped for

I agree with you OP.

Pig headed determination to do what they prefer rather than follow the school's request does their DCs no favors.

My DD3 is 21 and so many of her peers in the work place seem to think once they've got the job they can then do what they please regards uniform/behavior. Two in the last 6 months have got all stroppy and bewildered upon receiving a disciplinary/written warning and finally The Sack. The mums complaining about the company on FB and coming in giving the management an earful didn't seem to help either funnily enough ...

Rules is rules. Yanbu.