AIBU to be pissed off with these school mums?

[Akiddleydiveytoo]

DD1 is in yr8 and about 3 weeks before the end of last term a letter was sent home to inform parents that, as a result of uniform standards dropping over the last few years they were going to start enforce the uniform rules more vigorously in the new school year. As part of this we were told that jeans, leggings, jeggings and skinny trousers were no longer going to tolerated and anyone in breach of these dress codes would be placed in isolation until the acceptable uniform was brought into school to change into. As well as the letter home this message was subsequently emailed to parents, put on Facebook and Twitter so people could not fail to see it in one form or another. It was made VERY clear that only tailored trousers (or skirts) would be allowed.

Over the school holidays there were a number of posts on the parent's Facebook page asking for recommendations on where to get trousers from. Lots of parents responded with links to skinny trousers. I (and some other parents) pointed out that these were no longer allowed but the responses were always 'well my older DD always wore them and she's never been told off' or 'DD will only wear skinny trousers' or 'the tailored trousers just don't look right on DD, she's too skinny' etc.

Anyway, first day back today and, as predicted, a LOT of warnings were given out to girls in skinny trousers/leggings. Instead of going straight to isolation, however, as the letter said, they were given a yellow slip to take home to their parents and given until Monday to sort out the correct uniform.

Cue a torrent of outrage on the parents Facebook page. Emails, letters, phone calls to the school to say how outrageous it was and how they'd spent a fortune on these trousers and how they weren't prepared to buy anymore. Giving any excuse under the sun why their DDs can't possibly be expected to wear proper tailored trousers etc.

AIBU to be really pissed off with these parents? They were given at least 9 weeks notice of this and the consequences for not conforming were made very clear, they just didn't feel as though the rules applied to them. OK, they might not feel as though uniform is all that important for learning but if the school imposes a (reasonable) rule you follow it right? It would have cost them just as much to buy tailored trousers as it would skinny. What example are they setting their DC if they're teaching them they can just ignore rules that they don't like?

I just can't get worked up over uniform. It really doesn't affect their learning whether they are in leggings or tailored trousers. Let them be comfortable.

Putting kids in isolation for not having the correct trousers on, that will affect their learning.

I agree with you OP.

Ultimately it's about respect and following the rules. The fact is that these parents think that the rules don't apply to them, so their darling Jayden will wear the skinny trousers to look fashionable (and screw everyone else who is following the rules) . I hope the school enforces the rules and excludes them!

You can't blame the parents though. Everyone knows there's a prize of a zillion pounds from the DM for the first family pictured in September doing a sad face for uniform or haircuts.

@Drogosnextwife so send them in correct uniform?
Or work with the school to change the uniform.
Or send them somewhere else.
I don’t understand parents who flout the rules then blame the school for placing kids in isolation or excluding them.

Tailored trousers are more expensive than leggings. A quick search shows there's £10 of difference. So the parents might be saying they're ignoring the rules but they might not be able to afford the new uniform.

@viques is there? Bugger. Excuse me whilst I wake up the kids and make them look sad.

Never really understood why schools are so very worried about what girls wear! Not sure how it affects learning. Put all that wasted (clearly is is) energy into stopping bullying, and empowering and helping young people to combat climate change, stop animal cruelty, get politically motivated etc etc.

I do believe in uniforms but I do think a lot of time is wasted fussing about it. Very few of us will end up in jobs where we need to wear uniforms so it is hardly preparing kids for later life.

I’m one of those who believes how you dress has no bearing on how you learn. However 9 weeks is ample time to get the right uniform. Yes it is non of your business however considering the fair warning and then the pissing and moaning you are not unreasonable to thing they are idiots. DS has just started high school, he has asd and the only thing he hated about the uniform was having to wear proper shoes because at his old school he was allowed to wear black trainers. He’s getting on with it. You’ll find some parents care just as much about fashion and trends as thier kids.

There will absolutely be a correlation, whether people like it or not between the kids who ignore this (and the parents who are moaning) and poorer academic achievement just down to the type of people with this attitude.

But does it really matter if some trousers are skinny? I mean I get that uniform can be an easy leveller, so everyone wears black trousers fair enough. But you have to have a particular mindset of looking for fault, for being a nit picker just for the sake it, to be worrying about the width of kids’ trousers.

Just get on with teaching. No one ever respected a teacher more because they were strict about trouser width. No one ever did worse in school because of their trouser width.

And if kids are being bullied in your school because of their difference in trouser width, then frankly you should be looking at the culture of inclusiveness in your school, not getting draconian about trousers.

YANBU they had plenty of time to buy regular uniform items.

@LillithsFamiliar I bought my DDs tailored trousers from Asda for £6.

Fair point about the gender stereotyping (I thought the PP was complaining about Mr saying it was the mum's who always complain). Consider me chastised

There will absolutely be a correlation, whether people like it or not between the kids who ignore this (and the parents who are moaning) and poorer academic achievement just down to the type of people with this attitude.

A correlation maybe, but not a causation. The skinny trousers are not the cause of poor academic achievement; they are a both symptoms of lack of engagement. So work on the lack of engagement and hopefully the academic achievement (and possibly the trouserrule following) will improve.

I do think schools can take their uniform rules a little too far.. I remember the whole skirt debate when I was at school. If our skirts showed an inch of our knee, we were put into isolation. There was even a teacher who stopped you in the corridor to measure the amount of knee showing!
They soon stopped it when they had to move isolation from a tiny spare office to the main student hall because they had over half a school in there
I do get enforcing a standard uniform but it shouldn't matter if they are "skinnier" trousers for heavens sake!

I’m shocked that jeans were previously tolerated!

YANBU if the school uniform stipulated hasn't been followed... however my DD's seconary school have gone a little ott and ABU.

Academy online website and email suggested for girls either grey below knee length pleated skirt/grey trousers to be fitting with uniform. Fine with me.

However...her first day Y9 yesterday, call to work from school welfare officer saying her "suitable in accordance to school website" demanding new trousers as they showed part of ankle when she was seated in class and would be a distraction to male pupils

Purchased new straight away after work. Longer and tailored and received another call to say they could be too tight around thigh/buttocks area and may still be a distraction...to pupils/staff ... She is healthy weight and still growing so still at stage where thighs bigger (very active DD and now doing her chosen option doing GCSE P.E, sports ect)

I'm not boasting She is a model student and is mortified if she thinks any teacher thinks she's done wrong ect.

So probably my fault even know brought from suggested retailers

I understand uniform should be representing the school and I'm all for that. It's like being in a place of work. I just find it far too petty and very unreasonable that showing slight ankle can distract male students ect.

Now having to find further third set of trousers....but tbh, I'll think I'll leave to weekend when I'm off.

Honestly hope schools do not make the female students at school think this is how things are in the working environment

If staff are distracted by a girl in trousers then they shouldn’t be teaching.

And I imagine the boys can deal with a glimpse of ankle when half of the girls will be wearing skirts anyway.

I joined a new Year 7 parent whatsapp group for younger dd last year. I'd left by Christmas as the moaning about silly things was driving me up the wall!

@TinklyLittleLaugh

That was my argument too.

She was suitable dressed first day, bar ankle showing when seated

In her previous years has opted for the pleated skirts, but this year opted for trousers.

Her school do a stipulation that this has to be accomdated by grey tights...Fine.

But ankle showing and call to work. I have seen many of pupils to not confirm with the below knee, doesn't bother me or DDs education.

Just feel they're being really petty....And it doesn't set any example to when they're a woman in a workplace

If parents can’t abide by simple uniform rules then what hope do their poor kids have.

DP is a teacher at a secondary and the majority of behavioural issues and attitude of kids stems from their parents inability to be decent human beings. Many rough parents now have such a rebellious piss poor attitude that their kids believe they’re invincible. Very sad what some young people are exposed to during such important formative periods of their lives.

So in short you’re not being unreasonable OP the parents are idiots but what can you do? Some probably post on here and will defend their rights and all that bollocks. They tend to have kids who are in tears on results day because they didn’t get good enough grades to get into make up college 🙄 yawn.

Wine0clock really, a teacher commented specifically that an ankle could distract boys, and then again said that the new trousers were too tight in the bum and could distract STAFF? Jesus Christ if their staff are potentially distracted by underage girls’ arses they have problems way. Giver than uniform policy. Are you absolutely sure this was said and you haven’t put two and two together and made 5?

“Way bigger than”, not “way. Giver than”

I would be furious if I got called in about a dd's 'non-conformance' with school uniform rules if it was because the trousers rode up a little to show a little ankle when dd sat down - if they are a normal proper long length of trouser when standing - because that's what trousers do when you sit down. Assuming she has sensible fairly flat shoes as her school shoes then if you have trousers long enough to cover your ankles when you sit down, chances are they will be so long that she is tripping over them or they're swishing in the puddles or now and getting frayed at the bottom. Plus I was always taught that when you sit down you should always pull your trousers up at the knees a little so that the fabric doesn't stretch at the knees and go all baggy and look dreadful, which sounds like it would be a hanging offence at your dd's school.

And that's long before you get to the outrageous declaration that a glimpse of ankle will distract the boys - have the school just fallen back into the Victorian era? How are ankles glimpsed from school trousers leg bottoms any more distracting than ankles just normally on display when wearing a regulation uniform skirt? Are any of the boys sent home for displaying tantalising glimpses of ankle at the bottom of their trousers and distracting the girls? Are the boys being sent home for being distracted by the glimpse of a girls ankle - because that's a lot more worrying a behaviour - they should be protecting the girls from anyone (staff or pupil) that is being distracted to that degree becasue that's serious abnormal. And what about gay children? Or trans children? Can a gay boy be distracted by the glimpse of other boys' ankles? if a girl was wearing a really thin white blouse 3 sizes too small with no bra and the top 5 buttons open then I can see that would be distracting for everyone and it would need a member of staff to sensitively step in and have a word. But complaining about a glimpse of sock or that normal trousers are a bit tight is just so wrong.

I'm a massive believer in school uniform - but it has to be implemented sensibly. Girls in particular can struggle to find schoolwear that's cut correctly for their shape so that it fits correctly everywhere - sometimes in order to get the right height/waist/leg length/leg circumference etc something else has to be a bit baggy or a bit tight because they just don't make anything that fits properly.

I was at a school that had designated styles of shoe - there were two choices for years 1-3 and two choices for years 4-5. My dsis had big feet for her age - they didn't make the designated styles for yrs 1-3 in her size so she had to have the ones for y4-5. By the time she was in yr3 the designated styles for yrs 4-5 were also too small. She used to get in so much trouble - from a couple of teachers in particular - that would pick on her for having the wrong shoes. Even when it had been pointed out to them on several occasions that they were asking for the physically impossible - she could not get regulation shoes in her size (and mum had bought her some really ugly, close as she could get ones, they really weren't at all trendy or ones that anyone under 80 would actively choose to wear) they continued to tell her off. Having big feet is a horrible thing anyway - being bullied by a teacher about it isn't going to make her feet shrink though or do anything to help her fragile self esteem or confidence. And despite throwing it upwards to senior staff, they never did amend the list of school regulation shoes to include larger sizes on it.

ArgumentativeAardvaark

Yep exactly that. But both via phone calls to work. It wasn't a teacher but initially she was taken to their 'School Welfare Officer' who rang about ankle incident.
Following day after going out purchasing new and still in accordance to first follow up call to say still not suitable now to pupils/staff

Looking into further secondary schools, as this one's protocols are absurd.