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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect more consideration because we are not rich

727 replies

Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:04

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

OP posts:
aqua00 · 04/09/2019 11:07

Well how much money did you give him and for how long?

justheretostalk · 04/09/2019 11:09

Sorry, he shouldn’t have gone if you don’t have the money. Holidays like that I always overestimate how much I will need, as its most likely things will come up.

bloodywhitecat · 04/09/2019 11:10

Did you ask how much money he was likely to need before he went? I can't imagine going on a free holiday if I couldn't afford to pay my way while there.

Original poster
Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:10

I gave him £120 exactly, which would be enough for six days. It was all I could manage. He’s not a massive drinker either.

Also to add we are very grateful he got invited and have thanked them, etc... it’s just the food situation. DS even got told he needs to eat more and he did say he couldn’t afford it.

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 04/09/2019 11:10

I’d say it also depends on how much money has and for how many days

LuluBellaBlue · 04/09/2019 11:11

Wow £20 per day isn’t anywhere enough!!!!

misspiggy19 · 04/09/2019 11:12

Sorry, he shouldn’t have gone if you don’t have the money.

^This. Surely you knew £120 wouldn’t be anywhere enough for 6 days in Italy

Original poster
Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:12

Basically the way it was phrased when we asked about food was that there were cheap bars and restaurants nearby. However, the parents were mistaken on that and there are not. Genuine mistake.

Had there been bars nearby and cheap restaurants, he would have been fine.

OP posts:
SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 04/09/2019 11:13

I agree with you OP.

I understand that you have no more money to send your DS.

You must be feeling a mixture of guilt and embarrassment.

Redred2429 · 04/09/2019 11:13

£120 is not enough for that many days is there any family members who could help you op?

steppemum · 04/09/2019 11:14

well, I think that considering they told him there were cheap option available, and there aren't, YANBU.

Original poster
Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:14

he has some of his own money as well, I don’t know much but I know he has some savings. In the towns nearby food is about £10/£15 equivalent which was what him and his friend planned on buying

He can afford that, but not a €50 sandwich Grin

OP posts:
1stmonkey · 04/09/2019 11:14

Yabu. If you go on holiday, you do some research and you budget. Free travel and accommodation are more than generous from the friends family. If even with those costs covered you can't afford to look after yourself, then you don't go.
In fact, i would say you would need to treat them to a dinner or at the very least buy them a gift to thank them for being included as well.

AmIThough · 04/09/2019 11:14

£120 is nowhere near enough. If you/he couldn't afford it he shouldn't have gone.

£20 a day would only buy you an evening meal here so why expect it to be enough for 2 meals, drinks etc on holiday?

It's his responsibility to look into local prices before he goes.

LaurieMarlow · 04/09/2019 11:15

Yeah you totally underestimated that OP.

Even without an expensive hotel that’s very little to cover food and general holiday stuff.

You need to scare up some more cash, sorry.

Original poster
Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:15

He also won’t waste his own savings on the hotel food as he has saved it for uni

OP posts:
Bunglefromrainbow · 04/09/2019 11:15

OP - He's 18. An hours walk up and down a hill is nothing. He could jog it in half that.

I don't know your son but I do know 18 year olds, I think he is just as likely just trying to get a few extra £ from you as it's a bit easier than walking down the hill, he knows that you can't get him home and it'd be cheaper to send him £100 than that.

Tell him to man up, to walk down to the town and buy himself a few days worth of staples. If he gets hungry enough then he will sort himself out. If you help him out he has no reason to act like the grown man that he now is.

Highandlow · 04/09/2019 11:15

I think they should help your ds out and help him find some decent food or contribute tbh. 120 is not enough sadly. Could prob do that in a day/couple of days. Can any family or friends help you out ?

CopperTrolley · 04/09/2019 11:15

Disagree with PP - £120 is plenty for 6 days if you can actually get to the local shops etc and not eat in the hotel restaurant! I rarely spend much more than that and I’m not trying to budget particularly.

YANBU, but couldn’t DS have opted out of some of the activities?

LaurieMarlow · 04/09/2019 11:16

Yeah an hours walk shouldn’t be a huge deal to an 18 year old

yearinyearout · 04/09/2019 11:17

I don't think yabu. It was up to them to give you enough details about the holiday so you could make an informed decision. Also, if I had taken one of my DC's friends away and I could see they were struggling to afford to eat, I would do something about it to help! Selfish buggers.

20viona · 04/09/2019 11:17

He's 18 he should pay for his own food on holiday!

Tweetingmagpie · 04/09/2019 11:17

If he were younger I’d say ywbu but he’s 18 and he should be paying for his own holidays, 120 isn’t enough for 6 days but I’m assuming he has his own money too?

NoBaggyPants · 04/09/2019 11:17

parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc.

This is key, you were told there were lots of cheap options.

Are the rest of the family just putting everything on the room?

I was in a similar situation when younger, went away with a family for a long break (which I had money for treats, we stayed in a house so they covered grocery shopping), but spent a few days in a super expensive resort. For those days I ate with them and there was no question of me paying, everything was charged to the room and settled by them. They'd have never put me in a position where I couldn't afford to eat!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 04/09/2019 11:18

Even if the bars are cheap £20 a day is not enough. Have you been on holiday yourself recently OP? Does your son have any money you can access and send over for him. Think you're going to have to send more money over somehow.