To re-home our cat without telling my husband?

[FiveFarthings]

We have an elderly cat who unfortunately doesn’t have a great quality of life at the moment. I think we should re-home her but my husband is refusing.

For background, she is my husband’s cat (originally a rescue about ten years ago). When we met, he moved into my house and he rented his house to some friends. To avoid disturbing the cat, she stayed at his house and was looked after by our friends. She is about 14/15 years old and practically a house cat.

Five years later, we moved my cat and our young dog into my husband’s house. We also have just had a baby.

The elderly cat has not got on with the change at all and started living outside. We tried everything to get her back inside but nothing worked. The other cat/dog are friendly towards her but she hates them. My husband built her an outdoor kennel which she used initially but now won’t go inside it. She spends her time hiding under the cars in the drive, even when it’s pouring with rain.

It’s now been nearly a year. She needs daily medication for a skin condition which she won’t take and she keeps getting sores.

I really think it would be better for her to be re-homed somewhere where she will be properly looked after but my husband is refusing to even consider it. He feels like we would be ‘getting rid’ because she’s not convenient- it’s not about that, I would happily keep her as she’s a nice cat but it’s about what’s best for her. It’s getting to the point where his stubbornness is affecting her quality of life.

AIBU to think about getting her re-homed secretly but telling him she ran away?

What a disgusting thing to do. If I found out DH rehomed our cat without telling me I would divorce him, I couldn't live with someone lied because they thought an animal was an inconvenience.

@cantfindname - good advice

Where did the friends who looked after her move to? Might they like to have her?

This is so wrong. When we bring an animal
Into our lives it should be with the intention of ‘until death us do part’. I know there are some circumstances when this is not possible but this cat has lived to a ripened of age, has health conditions and possibly a degree of dementia if behaviour has changed.
For the love of god talk to your husband. There are fates worse than death for some animals. If QOL of life is very poor might it be kinder to PTS rather than re home and put its fate into the lap of the gods? I know I will probably be shot down for this.

I’m confused, where do the pets live and where do you live?

Poor cat. What a horrible thing to consider. She’d have no chance of being adopted. If my DP had ever done something like that to my cats, it would be over, for the sheer deceit and cruelty. Not impressed, OP.

I was ready to join in with the witch hunt when I started reading your post.

But then once you explained she won't come in and her bad skin I do understand where you're coming from.

I feel like you husband maybe isn't putting her physical needs before his emotions.

Do you have any family or friends that would have her who don't have any other pets? Sounds like she'd like to be an only cat.

It's a tough situation. Xx

You sound like you have no heart. Disgusting idea to do that behind your husbands back. If that was done to me it was be divorce.

@TheoriginalLEM do you not think it's vile to rehome someone's pet without even talking to them about it first?

Would you be happy if you came home from work and your husband said "oh by the way, we don't have Felix anymore - the RSPCA came to collect him earlier and he's being rehomed"?

Do you not live with any of your pets? Why have them in the first place?

The poor skin and the not wanting to come in is stress - and yes, can't be nice for the cat but the solution is not to get rid of it behind its owners back!

Nobody wants to rehome an elderly cat with physical and mental problems, which will likely die in a few years. It's just not going to happen.

You will irreparably damage your relationship if you get rid (that's what you're considering - own it) of his cat.

As others have said, if you did this to me, we'd be over.

Such a huge betrayal.

It was shitty for you to say you'd get rid of your own cat but not your dog.

I thought this too. Speaks volumes. I doubt very much you have ‘tried everything’.

Christ this is awful. You left the cat with randoms, then you, baby, cat, dog move in and force an elderly cat out of her home and now you’re going to lie and get rid of her?
I work in rescue and hear every awful excuse but I think you’ve won a prize here.
If her health is poor and sounds like she’s very fearful I think your DH needs to contact Cats Protection or sadly euthanise, what a horrible way for this poor cat to exist.
I pity your other pets if they ever become an inconvenience.

All the supposed caring posters chastising the OP. They have tried everything to get the cat in the house. But your emotional words mean the poor old cat stays living under the cars - remember winter is coming.

Try the valerian drops. She might have some form of dementia. If all fails I would put to sleep rather than leave her under the cars all winter. A note in a local shop window or neighbourhood online forum might find some kind person who would take her in, you never know.

Why not just cut to the finish line OP and have the cat Put to Sleep?

In the case of some places like the RSPCA cats like this are put to sleep after a few months as they are impossible to re-home. If you can hold your other cat in you arms or dog on the sofa and say when you get old and grumpy I'm going to have you killed by all means go ahead and send your cat to the rehoming (cat killing) centre..... personally I think you're being a twat and if you put some time in at a rehoming centre volunteering you would see the problem with your suggestion

Now grow up, realise that every living thing gets old and grumpy and ill And deal with it.

What would you do if he secretly re-homed your dog?

This happened when we moved. We bought a fellaway plug from pets at home. It was amazing how well it worked. He started coming into the house and looked happier.

Please let this be a reverse. Poor cat. It won't be re-homed, it will be put to sleep.

Good luck finding a home for a 15 year old cat

The chances of her being rehomed are minimal, probably non-existent.

So you are looking at upheaval and cattery life, followed by being put down. That is worse than her current circumstances.

Dealing with your pets old age is part of having pets. It sounds as if DH shouid be doing more of the fretting, planning and tempting to keep his old cat happy.

It would be a massive breach of trust to rehome a pet behind someone's back. Possibly unforgivable, definitely relationship changing.

I would not consider it for a moment. Rehoming is a poor choice in the first place (just have her put down, without the intermediate stress and misery of a cattery). But it beggars belief that you would even cinside disposing of your DH's pet without his agreement.

Bring the cat inside and close off the cat flaps. Why can't you keep it inside?

Poor kit is clearly very unhappy, but you simply cannot do this behind someone’s back. For a start you would be robbing him of the chance to say goodbye.

Obviously don't do this behind your partners back, that's just cruel. As PP have said you are not likely to be able to re-home the cat, she'll likely die in a shelter without her owner near her. Better to euthanize her than make her go through that or a winter under cars. I do think you've had some stuff to try from PP though too, maybe try that before euthanizing.