To re-home our cat without telling my husband?

[FiveFarthings]

We have an elderly cat who unfortunately doesn’t have a great quality of life at the moment. I think we should re-home her but my husband is refusing.

For background, she is my husband’s cat (originally a rescue about ten years ago). When we met, he moved into my house and he rented his house to some friends. To avoid disturbing the cat, she stayed at his house and was looked after by our friends. She is about 14/15 years old and practically a house cat.

Five years later, we moved my cat and our young dog into my husband’s house. We also have just had a baby.

The elderly cat has not got on with the change at all and started living outside. We tried everything to get her back inside but nothing worked. The other cat/dog are friendly towards her but she hates them. My husband built her an outdoor kennel which she used initially but now won’t go inside it. She spends her time hiding under the cars in the drive, even when it’s pouring with rain.

It’s now been nearly a year. She needs daily medication for a skin condition which she won’t take and she keeps getting sores.

I really think it would be better for her to be re-homed somewhere where she will be properly looked after but my husband is refusing to even consider it. He feels like we would be ‘getting rid’ because she’s not convenient- it’s not about that, I would happily keep her as she’s a nice cat but it’s about what’s best for her. It’s getting to the point where his stubbornness is affecting her quality of life.

AIBU to think about getting her re-homed secretly but telling him she ran away?

Not read the whole thread but

1. That's your husbands cat not yours.
2. Re home your pets, that cat was there first 🤔
3. Why did your pets get moved anyway? Why couldn't they stay with you ....

No that's not okay. She was there first. Get rid of your cat and dog.

@FairyDust92 she lives with dp

OP, this thread is batshit.

Your options as I see them are

a) find a new home for the cat yourself and then present the plan to your DH as in the cat’s best interests - perhaps impossible because willing volunteers for a currently semi-feral elderly cat with ongoing medical issues will be thin on the ground, or

b) crate the cat indoors in a safe space, with Feliway and possibly valerian and try your very best to reintegrate her. Then go back to a) if this is unsuccessful.

A rehoming centre might help you find someone without the need for her to go to a centre.

FWIW, I would be kicking off at my DH for his apparent willingness to let them the cat suffer. He’s the disgrace in this, not you - he should be looking for solutions not ignoring the problem.

Irrespective of good intentions, if DP rehomed DTwatCat on the sly (even without the almost surefire guarantee that he'd be pts by the RSPCA for being disabled or at best, living in a concrete run and cage to be overlooked by hundreds of people, which is what would happen to a tatty old cat that hates dogs, hates other cats, doesn't do cuddling and probably doesn't want to be adopted again), I'd kick him out. Without a doubt.

Not your cat, not your decision.

“There’s zero chance anyone will adopt a seriously ill and mentally disturbed elderly cat with a terrible skin condition requiring complex and unpleasant daily treatment.”

The only humane solution is to PTS.

Do you mean surrender her to a shelter or actually rehome her?

If it’s the latter and you have found a new owner who can take care of her then don’t lie to your husband, explain this is the best thing to the poor cat.

Of you mean surrender her to a shelter, be honest with yourself about what this means.

I hate when people talk about rehoming their pet when they actually mean abandoning it to a shelter.

@MitziK I thought you meant DP would be in the concrete cage!

OP, please remember that a cat is for life, no matter how tough the going gets.

this thread has made me 😭

Can’t stop thinking about the poor elderly neglected cat.

I hope she has somewhere warm and safe to sleep at night.

My childhood cat became ill in later life, and took to sleeping in the garage. My dad (who claimed to not like her) made her a lovely nest of old blankets in a quiet corner, and brought her water bottles out on chillier nights. But when it got really cold we coaxed her in with heated chicken and ham slices.

She gave us so much joy, and it taught us kids a valuable lesson in caring for pets through good and bad.

Please exhaust all options available to make this little sad soul as comfortable as possible. Your do made a huge commitment, try your best to honour it,

What is best for the cat is that you move into the kennel.

Then, the cat gets to stay in the house and your husband gets to be rid of someone deceptive and unkind.

Hi, do you mind me asking, what condition does the cat have, that it needs medication for, that's leading to sores, if not taken? (sorry if you'd written this and I didn't see it).

also, I know if's been said, but I would really think the outlook for an ill, nervous cat that's not young going into kennels wouldn't be good.

Is there enough room, to consider putting up a cat run, in a garden or unusedbit of drive, by where you live? These are increasingly popular, because of how dangerous roads are. Some are expensive, but some would be cheaper. You can get ones that look almost like an aviary to keep birds in, you can get them so they meet a window, but they can be just free standing, and they can have little shelters/houses for the cat in and room for a tray food etc. It would mean the cat was safe, and dry, I think they would have some on amazon etc.

YADBU to consider rehoming the cat without telling your DH but I have sympathy for your situation and believe you have the cat's best interests at heart. Cats are more attached to territory than people. You might have had more luck with integration if you had moved her in when your DH moved in when she was younger but hindsight is a wonderful thing...

Lots of PPs have had good suggestions - a cat run, Valerian. Do you have a neighbour who might consider adopting her if you pay her costs? That way she gets to keep her territory but acquire an indoor home and love and attention, and get her medication. It might be easier for her to settle into a new home nearby within her territory as an only cat than trying to get her to share her home with other animals (baby included).

To people saying get rid of the OP's cat and dog who are young enough to settle elsewhere - that is unlikely to work with a young baby in the household.

No that's not right.

@tweebookworm If it never settles (which I believe would be unlikely given the right conditions) then you do the humane thing and euthanise. You certainly don't leave an animal suffering because you won't take responsibility for it.

@bodgeitandscarper but the cat could potentially settle in a new home if the right home was found for it

This cat is old and in pain and needs to be euthanized. The husband is not facing reality and needs to be talked to. He is being selfish.

How would you feel if he did this with your pets, do you think?

@tweebookworm Indeed it could, but homes like that are practically impossible to find, and sat in a rescue for months on end means that other needy cats are being turned away.

We've just taken on an elderly, ill rescue because his chances of being rehomed were practically zero, he was becoming increasingly depressed in the rescue and costs a small fortune in vets bills. If we hadn't then he'd probably have ended up euthanised. He's a lovely cat, but had been abandoned presumably because of his illness. The majority of people looking for cats want healthy or young ones, not ill and old.

pm'd you FiveFarthings