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Original poster

To blow everyone’s world up

337 replies

Secretspiller · 03/09/2019 20:23

Name change for this one

My SIL and I are very close, best friends. My DB is a pain but I love him. They have 4 children. She confided in me at the weekend that she had her second affair last year, this time with our mutual best friends DP. They have 3 children.

The reason she told me is someone else knows and is using it against her so she wants me to back her up if/when it comes out.

DB suspected last year and we all told him he was mad. She would never do that again as she nearly lost it all last time. I sat and listened to her for hours about how DB was making her life miserable with these accusations, he was right with the timing and the person.

The man in question is a sleaze, always has been and I long suspected he had cheated on best friend many a time. If it comes out, which it will do, that I knew (after the fact) I run the risk of losing DB and best friend. If I tell I lose my SIL who is also my best friend and blow up 2 very interconnected families and a wider friendship group.

It’s over and has been for a while, he’s moved onto SIL other friend who is not really in the group. Despite the fact best friend thinks they are trying for another child.

I want to tell. I’m dammed if I do and I’m dammed if I don’t. I wish she hadn’t told me!

OP posts:
happierasleep · 03/09/2019 20:24

I think you need to tell your brother.

WaggingKnife · 03/09/2019 20:26

Jesus, do people in your friendship circle know you can rub genitals with people outside of the 6 people you already know?

InterestingView · 03/09/2019 20:26

Fuck that I'd tell the best friend and the brother. Fuck them - cheating fuckers. Sorry that was a bit lairy but seriously why are you hesitating??

Themutts · 03/09/2019 20:27

Brother should come first really.

Cocobean30 · 03/09/2019 20:28

It’s your brother, your loyalty lies with him. I don’t know how you can want to be friends with her anyway when she behaves like this and betrays you and your family? And gaslighted you all?

Genderwitched · 03/09/2019 20:29

Tell...if only to protect yourself. It will come out that you know.

AmIAWeed · 03/09/2019 20:29

Tell your brother. No true friend would put you in that situation, although she's already proved she's a shitty person by having 2 affairs so is no loss

Malibucyprus · 03/09/2019 20:31

I was in a similar situation 18 months ago, my SIL was also my BF, I adore my brother, he suspected she was cheating, I’m 99% sure she was, but didn’t see it with my own eyes (lots of rumours and behaviour changes) long story short, I haven’t spoken to either of them for 18 months now.

You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

SweatyUnderboob · 03/09/2019 20:31

She is crazy to compromise you like that!
She has to tell him, if not, you will. If it comes out some other way and he finds out you knew, it's likely to cause a deep rift.

Original poster
Secretspiller · 03/09/2019 20:35

It’s not that I want to protect to her, she really doesn’t deserve it. I don’t want to be blamed for the massive shit storm this is going to cause. I also think it’s ended so am I causing drama for the sake of it. I feel like the home wrecker if I tell. Plus other best friend will be devastated.
I have no idea what possessed her to do this.

OP posts:
Upsiedasie · 03/09/2019 20:36

You should tell your brother and friend. It’s not fair to ask you to keep a secret like that.

Also, it’s the second time she’s done this. It’s not likely that she will have learned her lesson. Your brother deserves better.

user1471449295 · 03/09/2019 20:37

Your brother. Blood. Every time. She has cheated before. She doesn’t deserve him, or you, or your other best friend.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 03/09/2019 20:39

Could you get your brother and friend together and tell them both at the same time?

misspiggy19 · 03/09/2019 20:39

Do you even have to ask? I don’t understand how you could not say anything.

Your poor, poor brother

Atlasta · 03/09/2019 20:39

I'd keep well out of it all.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 03/09/2019 20:39

Can you tell her she has put you in an awful position asking you to keep a secret from family, and encourage her to tell him? Or is she flat refusing?

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 03/09/2019 20:42

Jesus why are you questioning this. Your brother! Your blood! EVERY TIME!!

PeevedNiamh · 03/09/2019 20:44

I think she's put you in an awful situation but if I was you I'd tell now. The reason being that I was once in a very similar situation and I decided to say nothing. I did speak to the cheating person and tell them to make a choice and left it at that. A few months later it all came out and somehow it was discovered I knew and didn't say anything and I was treated as if I was as bad as the cheater. It was awful. Honestly I don't think you can win now but at least if you tell straight away your brother won't feel betrayed by you when he finds out!

SunshineCake · 03/09/2019 20:44

Tell your brother and tell the woman who thinks she's increasing her family with a decent man. No other choices or you're not being a best friend imo.

Span1elsRock · 03/09/2019 20:44

Your brother will never forgive you if he finds out that you knew and didn't tell.

You have to tell him. You don't have a choice. And it's her that has ripped the family apart, not you.

Bluefargo · 03/09/2019 20:44

Send your brother an anonymous note

HT85 · 03/09/2019 20:44

Personally your win win in this situation is to give her the opportunity to tell him herself or you will. Tell her she has compromised your position as a sister and a friend which is really unfair - he deserves to know so she has to tell him and if she doesn’t then unfortunately it will have to come from you.

She also sounds outrageous that she was whinging to you about how much he was making her life a misery with accusations 🙄

SunshineCake · 03/09/2019 20:46

Do not send your brother an anonymous note. Stupidest advice of the day. On any thread.

littlegrulalaa · 03/09/2019 20:46

Send your brother an anonymous note

Oh fantastic idea Hmm

WhatsMyPassword · 03/09/2019 20:47

Deny all knowledge of everything.

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