To blow everyone’s world up

[Secretspiller]

Name change for this one

My SIL and I are very close, best friends. My DB is a pain but I love him. They have 4 children. She confided in me at the weekend that she had her second affair last year, this time with our mutual best friends DP. They have 3 children.

The reason she told me is someone else knows and is using it against her so she wants me to back her up if/when it comes out.

DB suspected last year and we all told him he was mad. She would never do that again as she nearly lost it all last time. I sat and listened to her for hours about how DB was making her life miserable with these accusations, he was right with the timing and the person.

The man in question is a sleaze, always has been and I long suspected he had cheated on best friend many a time. If it comes out, which it will do, that I knew (after the fact) I run the risk of losing DB and best friend. If I tell I lose my SIL who is also my best friend and blow up 2 very interconnected families and a wider friendship group.

It’s over and has been for a while, he’s moved onto SIL other friend who is not really in the group. Despite the fact best friend thinks they are trying for another child.

I want to tell. I’m dammed if I do and I’m dammed if I don’t. I wish she hadn’t told me!

I'd tell your SIL that this has put you in a terrible position and she needs to tell your brother and friend the truth, or you will.

I wouldn’t volunteer the information, but if asked, wouldn’t lie.

I’m afraid that she is not your friend. She doesn’t care about you or the friendship at all.

Tell your brother. Just do it. I can’t imagine keeping this from any of my siblings. It’s bizarre to me that you haven’t already done this.

No, it's not easy. The longer you delay the worse you will work yourself up. Get it done. Soon.

You're not devastating people - her actions are. You're not ruining anybody's homes - her actions are (if they are "ruined").

It's really not about you.

You need to show where your loyalties lie here. This is going to come out at some point. And it’s going to come out that you knew. Now I hate the thought of having to choose ‘sides’, but that’s what it’s going to come down to. You can either support your pos sil and keep her secret, even help her lie to cover it up, and inevitably lose your brother and best friend. Or tell them what she’s doing. And just lose this manipulative bitch

She has already had 2 affairs, if no-one finds out about this last one then chances are she will continue to have affairs until someone does..... It isn’t a case of IF your brother and his children find out and are devastated by her behaviour, it is most likely a case of WHEN. What a horrid position she has put you in - is that really the actions of a best friend??

Are they your friends or are you their audience?

I eventually ended a friendship with someone who didn't tell me the guy I was seeing had asked someone else out.

Tell your brother.

She's ruined things not you.

I would tell my brother. Not only because my loyalty would be with him but also to protect his sexual health.

@Mumpkind I don’t know what that means? I’ve never heard that before.

Thankyou everyone. I will take the plunge tomorrow with DB. I’ll deal with one at a time but I have to really.

She's a selfish arsehole. She wants you to lie and cover for her against your own brother ???? She'll carry on shagging about and then use it against you and say you knew all along. Don't let her get away with that, cheeky bitch.
You're not wrecking anything. She needs to be accountable for her own shitty behaviour.

Don’t fuck your own brother over. I would never forgive you if you were my sister.

She's got away with it twice, she'll do it again. She's putting your DBs health at risk by doing this.

I hate to bring it up, but are you sure your DB is the father of all four kids?

Goodness, let me just check I’ve got this right.

Serial adulterer wants you to lie. A lie that will be against your brother, his children, your best friend and her children, and which will expose you as covering up?

As a wise woman once said “fuck that shit”

You’re in a really really horrible position OP... but you are doing the right thing by telling your brother. I promise! None of this is your fault.
Good luck OP and keep us updated.

as PP said, FUCK THAT SHIT

Tell your brother. Blood comes first.

If it were just friends I'd keep out of the whole mess but how can you not tell your brother?!

I don't even like my sister but I'd still tell her something like this.

It sounds really painful for you. The wellbeing of children you love is being threatened by an adult who wants to draw you into supporting/covering up for the behaviour putting the children's mental wellbeing at risk.

If an adult is nice to you in some ways and is making you secretly complicit in their home-risking behaviour are they really your friend?

Tell her shes got to tell your db or you will have to. Give her the chance to come clean first.

Tell your brother and your best friend, they deserve to know. Do you have other family? What would they think if they knew you’d kept this from your brother?

The type of person to lie and cheat repeatedly is the same type of person who’d fuck you over too without blinking an eye.
If it doesn’t come out about this affair, she’ll have another, and when she’s eventually caught she bleat whatever out to get the anger/blame away from her. I’ve been quiet about affairs before, but in this case I don’t think you have a choice.
I think the best course would be what someone said about the win-win, tell her she tells them first or you will. I don’t envy you

Glad you've decided to tell.
She doesn't deserve you to lie for her. Two affairs? Horrible little cow. YOU won't be ruining the kids lives, she and her dirty little affair partners have done it.
Definitely find your anger and cut her off!

Anonymous notes to each person involved then step back and stay out of it as much as possible and avoid conversations that implicate you

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