To ask my son if he is gay?

[WWlOOlWW]

Son is 17 and gay. He has never told me he is gay but I've known since he was 2 years old.

I've always done the whole 'I'm totally okay with the gay' thing.

Should I bring it up or wait until he tells me ?

Try to bear in mind that he might actually need to say the words to you. My DB is gay, we'd known since he was 4. When he was 22, he came out to us all individually. He came to my house (I lived over 2 hours away from him at that point), and at one point sat me down and said he had something to tell me. He said that all the family had given him the same reaction; he didn't need to come out, because we'd always known, and actually he was a little upset by this. Coming out was almost like a rite of passage, like he needed to say the words.

Dont say anything. He needs to make peace with it himself, and that can be hard.

My D nephew didn't come out until he actually found a partner and was in a relationship. He was 21. We had always known but never said a word. We figured he would tell us when he was ready . When he did we all said we knew years ago. He couldn't believe it and was a bit put out we knew before he told us . Like it was raining on his parade but we all knew . Funny thing is though , his parents nor my Mum knew . l don't know how they didn't know , it was obvious to us .

OP would you mind sharing what it is that made you consider he might be gay when he was a child? not judging, genuinely interested in knowing this for myself re my children.
I’m not the OP but I knew my daughter was gay from age 3. Reasons included...

• boys were of zero interest to her. My older daughter had crushes on boys from age 3 but my youngest didn’t notice them.
• aged 3 she wanted to marry her female friend.
• she always said she would marry a girl, not a boy, as if marrying a bot would be the most bizarre thing in the world. Like suggesting she marry a cat or something.
• she would go shy and blush around girls. Boys were invisible.

She was always a feminine girl, loves skirts/dresses, loves princesses.

I just always knew. My husband was a lot more skeptical.

thanks for the insight, x

Is sexuality something you need to share with a parent?

Of course it might be good to know that they don't disapprove one way or the other, but it is one of those things most of us prefer not to associate with the generation above :)

(Every teen knows that parents and grandparents don't have - or know anything about sex.)

Maybe he knows you know and doesn't feel the need to make an announcement. He obviously is aware that you're not anti- gay.

After all people don't announce that they're cisgender ...

My younger brother is gay and we always knew he was from a little boy, mannerisms, reactions to things et - so I get you’re comment.

Saying all of this my parents were secretly gutted especially my dad. They’ve never let him know and my mum said one day it’s one thing thinking you’re not homophobic it’s another when it’s your child. She told me it broke my dads heart. They’ve never told my brother and always appear supportive.

I knew and have always known about my child, I brought it up in a supportive way and she was delighted. I’d speak to him op, x

I'm embarrassed for you with your vacuous "I'm totally okay with the gay thing" comment.

What gay thing? What thing is gay? What is the thing about being gay?

.

*She was always a feminine girl, loves skirts/dresses, loves princesses.
*

Is this meant to be an indicator that a girl is gay then?

@nuxe1984 that’s not the same. We’re talking about sexuality not gender. I wish people would stop trying to ram “cis” down everyone throats even when it’s not relevant or appropriate. Just stop it.

how can you know a persons sexuality at 2? do people even have a sexuality at 2??

Just ask him casually “So any men on the scene at the moment?” Then you can laugh it down if he corrects you and says “women”. There is right to privacy yes but your son needs to know you are ok with his sexuality and that happily accept it. The whole world doesn’t need to know if he comes out but it would be nice if you knew as a mum 😊

you can't 'just know' something like this

My friend did, she knew her dc was gay right from when dc was about a year old, I distinctly remember her telling me that she knew. She was right.

A year old? I can’t imagine what a toddler does to show this.

She didn't know though, she suspected.

I'm bi. I came out to both my parents the first time I was in a long term relationship with a woman, which was later in life. When I was younger I was mostly with men, some of whom they got to meet. It still feels odd sometimes to say I'm bi, or also into women, much easier to just introduce a partner.
So I'd let him be, he'll introduce a boyfriend at some point, or surprise you with a girlfriend!

Don't try and label your children. Let them be who they want to be and find themselves. My daughter, from a young age, said she wanted to be a boy. Was only interested in cars, guns, the army, played rugby, etc. Wouldn't wear any clothes she considered to be girl's clothes and everyone who didn't know her assumed she was a boy.

I accepted her as she was. Thought she might be trans . .. and if she'd been born now I would probably have looked at hormonal treatment but this wasn't really available then.

She is now married to a lovely man.

So you never really know what children will end up like. Love them for who they are, let them know this, fight for their right to be individual.

It’s his choice to say if he wishes to or not, the option you face is do you love him enough to accept him whatever his orientation

"Is sexuality something you need to share with a parent? "

Yes. In a close relationship where you talk to each other about meaningful stuff then yes, shouldn't be anything that you can't talk about : money sex drugs rock 'n' roll

if you love somebody and you want to let them in your life, you want them to be happy : and if they want it too, you want them to be in a loving relationship.

So, yeah I wanna know! who my DS is going out with and whether they're happy and in a meaningful relationships long-term (later when they're older) yeah, I wanna know that stuff.

It's up to you.
But if you are as ok with 'the gay thing' as you say, why do you need to know so bad.

I think it's a huge assumption to make. He's young still. He may not be gay. He may be bi, camp or curious.

My female cousin is straight as a bean pole but had a 3 year relationship with a woman. She's otherwise not interested in women. It was just a one off.

Just be happy with whoever he meets and brings home to meet you.

All this knowing they were gay....how? I have a friend. He is the campest person i have ever met. Many assume he is gay. All his mannerisms are stereotypical of a gay man right down to his voice. But nope! He is as straight as they come with a wife and kids. You can think some one is gay but doesn't mean they are

What if you are wrong?

How can you possibly know a 2 yr old toddler is gay??? Since being gay is being sexually attracted to other men and toddlers aren't attracted to anyone sexually. What a daft thing to say.

Looking back its little things like, he would rather play with the girls than boys, girls toys, o the fun we had with girls world, was that the hair and make up doll, he was very sensitive and kind and girly, I know boy are sensitive and kind, I mean in a girls way.