Mum spraying pesticides in my nursery!

[happyleaf]

I have come home at 33 weeks pregnant to discover that my mum (unasked) has covered the beams in our new nursery with woodworm treatment. I have avoided chemicals the whole pregnancy - think holding my breath when I put deodorant on and not letting DH use weed killer. She knows I've been avoiding chemicals and I cannot think what has possessed her to do this?!
The whole room utterly stinks of chemicals. The baby's little clothes are all out on the bed and now stink, the cot is up and the stuff has been put all round it and the mattress. The cupboard where the baby's clothes will hang has also had a liberal dousing on the beams. We have an old house but I don't even think we have woodworm!!
I'm so livid I'm tearful, and am panicking that because I'm now in the house I'm breathing it in and it will hurt the baby. I messaged her to tell her to please please not do that sort of thing and she has grudgingly said she will wash it off tomorrow but that the boiler fumes are worse and that I'm over reacting! She said 'do you want the beams to have woodworm and the house to fall down?'

She can be controlling and while very helpful doing some other things for us, tends to go ahead and do things like paint windows when we haven't wanted her to and then you feel like you can't say anything because it's ungrateful.
What do people think? AIBU? And will this stuff hurt my baby? The smell is giving me a headache!

Birds Pure Beeswax Candles burn with almost no smoke or scent and clean the air by releasing negative ions into the air. These negative ions can bind with toxins and help remove them from the air.

I would get the key back and say that she isn't to come in to your house uninvited and do any unauthorised household jobs again. This was a mad illogical decision and shows stupidity, nastiness and no respect for someone else's house.

Not quite the point of the post but it's a good idea to wash baby clothes once before they wear them anyway because of manufacturing residues and the fact a newborn's skin is so sensitive, so would have been a good idea to do that even without the pesticide.

Your mum has definitely overstepped the boundary but you do also sound very anxious. I hope your anxiety lessens before the baby arrives

So she has form for doing things in your house without permission and yet she still has access? In answer to your question ‘who does this’? She does!

I think you are being over the top in general but not about spraying that stuff in a nursery.

If she has a key, take it back and you might have to change the locks if she’s as controlling and OTT as she is behaving.

This is who your mother is, the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can implement safeguards to limit the effects of her worst impulses on you.

The best time to set boundaries is in the present.

Sorry for your earlier loss
No need to hold your breath when filling the car or putting on deodorant and unless your husband is handling asbestos then hugging you no need to fret what he uses either
Very out of order of your mum to do that to your house especially if no actual woodworm present she needs to wash everything air out the room and then stop worrying ( easier said than done I i know xx)

Adding my vote to the 'take away her key' side. It's not her home. You, your DH and your baby are your own family unit with your own home. If you want to welcome her as a visitor, that's up to you, but she has no right to a key, or to do anything more intrusive than making herself a cup of tea while there. Don't be guilted into giving her more access than that; it's your home, you get to make the decisions. Set some boundaries and then stick to them like glue.

Lol holding your breath putting on deodorant😂😂😂😂

The baby will be fine. Just think of all the chemicals he will be exposed to through simply breathing air in the hospital, going for a walk etc putting creams on his skin, using wipes , washing clothes etc.

Wooden beams in the nursery- how 'laa dee dah' posh and fancy 😝

It would be wonderful if woodworm treatment on the exposed beams of my dcs bedroom was the least of my problems

Lots of old cottages have exposed beams. Why is it a reason to poke fun at the OP?

@Juells the country is in the shits politically. British kids are homeless and going hungry at an alarming rate. Schools are overcrowded, the nhs is at breaking point etc...... and the op is worried about her exposed beams in her baby's nursery and chemicals in her deodorant

What can the OP do about any of the things you list, spongemum? The less control one has over the big things, the more important control becomes over the little things you can control. When my life was completely out of control the only time I felt 'normal' was when I was cooking the dinner, because it was the one thing I could control.

@Juells that's true. 1st world problems of posh people though 🤷‍♀️

Would you like some vinegar for that chip spongemum?

Lots of people seem to have a weird idea of what chemicals are. Everything, natural, wholesome or not, is made of chemicals.

Not entirely sure why you're being so mean @spongemumnudiepants, I'm an ex council house kid without a penny to my name at the moment and a kid to feed. Doesn't mean you can't have a bit of empathy for someone else's problems.

@BishopofBathandWells I'm not being means. The op sounds just like me sil who is also pregnant and paranoid about chemicals etc

@MaxNormal slice of lemon please

@HennyPennyHorror I shall get some of these candles thank you!

@happyleaf if your budget runs to it, look at air purifiers. Specifically ones that remove VOCS and very small particulate matter.

Fair enough first world problems @spongemumnudiepants - did feel like a problem to me last night though. And what are forums for if not to air things that feel bad and ask for advice and thoughts from other parents and people who might know more than I do?

And I'm also a teacher (in a decidedly not posh comp) so I do see some of the problems you refer to on a daily basis.

@longtimelurkerhelen thank you for the onion tip- learning lots of good things here. And also @MaxNormal I'll look into those too.

@AccioCats it's true I have been pretty anxious through the pregnancy, but really trying to put it aside. I want to enjoy the baby when it comes and not be on edge. A work in progress hopefully

Thank you to everyone who has replied. Everything has been washed and I'm feeling a bit better. Still smell it though!

I get you OP. i really do. I try to keep nasty chemicals and toxins to a minimum at home, including zero air fresheners, no bleach, only vinegar to clean, no aerosols, organic food, toiletries etc. You can't avoid it all though and what someone said to me once really struck a chord... The stress and anxiety you put yourself under trying to reduce and avoid chemical also and toxins may be worse for you than the stuff you're avoiding!

I would get her to help you wash everything washable and air the room as much as possible. It WILL be fine, try to chill out for yours and baby's sake but I DO get it!! ps what deodorant do you use? I don't know of any non-nasty spray ones!