Mum spraying pesticides in my nursery!

[happyleaf]

I have come home at 33 weeks pregnant to discover that my mum (unasked) has covered the beams in our new nursery with woodworm treatment. I have avoided chemicals the whole pregnancy - think holding my breath when I put deodorant on and not letting DH use weed killer. She knows I've been avoiding chemicals and I cannot think what has possessed her to do this?!
The whole room utterly stinks of chemicals. The baby's little clothes are all out on the bed and now stink, the cot is up and the stuff has been put all round it and the mattress. The cupboard where the baby's clothes will hang has also had a liberal dousing on the beams. We have an old house but I don't even think we have woodworm!!
I'm so livid I'm tearful, and am panicking that because I'm now in the house I'm breathing it in and it will hurt the baby. I messaged her to tell her to please please not do that sort of thing and she has grudgingly said she will wash it off tomorrow but that the boiler fumes are worse and that I'm over reacting! She said 'do you want the beams to have woodworm and the house to fall down?'

She can be controlling and while very helpful doing some other things for us, tends to go ahead and do things like paint windows when we haven't wanted her to and then you feel like you can't say anything because it's ungrateful.
What do people think? AIBU? And will this stuff hurt my baby? The smell is giving me a headache!

When we had our house treated we were told to leave it empty for 48hours, especially as we have babies and dogs. But that was professional grade treatment not off the shelf. Off the shelf we didn't vacate but we only did one room.

I’d be nicking the key back...

I doubt she could 'wash off' the stuff whatever she uses. I think I used an old tin of Cuprinol - googling suggests that they now make a 'water based, low odour' one instead. That Sadolin one appears to be white spirit based and hopefully still a lot friendlier than mine (which I think is more like creosote....).

With any luck my experience was down to using old fashioned stuff that is no longer made - hopefully your DMs product will soon stop smelling and your house can go back to normal. Good Luck!

I'd have snatched the key back straight away, it's her own fault you can no longer trust her.

She's going to be worse when the baby comes.

Looking at that safety datasheet if that's the product then ventilate the area and wash the soft furnishings. It won't harm the baby. Painting it on rather than spraying reduces the exposure aswell as it's not fine particles aerolised. I do coshh risk assessments on these sort of products for a living and would not flag up concerns as there isn't a risk stated to pregnant ladies or foetuses.

The hydrocarbons which are the main components of the product may cause headaches but will volatilise quickly and will dispurse

Please dont worry at all

I'd be furious too happyleaf we minimise toxic/ no biodegradable chemicals in our life so would hate this.

Its not overreacting at all to be concerned. NICE are preparing guidelines on how to protect ourselves from indoor air pollution. Its not imagination. She would have known the risks when looking at the label, even if she was raised in a time when people were blase and often happy to be ignorant.

I would ban her permanently. I have a mother who pushes boundaries and would NC without hesitation if she did something like that. It would be worse than any emotional outburst for me - I'm too used to those.

All I can think of is getting a load of indoor plants to help clean the air - they are effective on other harmful chemicals like formaldehyde, benzene, xylene, trichloroethylene etc, so might work on these pollutants/ VOCs too. NASA have a list of the best ones [https://ntrs.nasa.gov/archive/nasa/casi.ntrs.nasa.gov/19930073077.pdf]] or article here www.bhg.com.au/best-air-cleaning-plants

To keep it simple, peace lilies and ivy are good, cheap start and cover a lot of chemicals

I'd be the same as you OP.
But then again I have OCD which for the last few years has been centred around contamination and toxicity!

The bit about fatality if Inhalled only applies for sustained exposure, direct inhallation (ie sit there sniffing the can for a long time) or substance miss use you will be fine. Air the house and wash clothes etc but don't worry

Tho I'd be exactly the same as you OP, I'm pretty sure everyone around me would roll their eyes at my reaction and tell me I'm being unreasonable ... story of my life mostly!

I would open up the house and sleep elsewhere tonight.

Pesticide treatments always have instructions, Like removing soft bedding from the area and covering furniture with plastic drapes. None of those precautions happened.

The breath holding for deodorant is a distraction. If it wasn’t in the post, people would be giving completely different answers.

Why the feck was she even in your house when you weren't? Agree with others and let your DH ban her. Key back!

I can't believe people are saying don't worry. Most shop purchased woodworm treatment is still very nasty stuff, ventilation, danger to breathing, irritation to skin etc. I would be fuming, take the keys away and I would be replacing the mattress and to be honest I'd throw the baby clothes that were on the bed and get new, I'd have to, I'd be too worried about issues with the baby that I'd never relax.

But then I was the same as you, didn't believe in hair dye, hairspray, use of aerosols while pregnant and obviously I had to go outside however I couldn't control that so made every positive contribution I could within my control.

I would want my key back.

@LoveWoodenToys me too, and this would have triggered me hugely.

OP I'd be so furious. All that care you've taken to minimise exposure to anything toxic and then your mother does this.

I think you're over-reacting about common everyday chemicals, but I don't think you're over-reacting about this.

Take her key away from her (flashbacks to Yes, Prime Minister if anyone else knows that episode!)

I'd throw out everything from the room. Sounds OTT, and I'm sure that it wouldn't be necessary, but it's easier to do that than spend the next couple of years waking in the night and obsessing about the imagined dangers.

I wonder if you'll ever be comfortable using that room again. Have you considered asking your mother to pay for replacing all cot and baby clothes? I would. Then take key back and allow her in the house only under supervision, and never allow her access to the baby unsupervised. Control freaks always believe they know better than you do, and will do things on principle behind your back, to prove that they're right.

You could also light candles and let them burn. It will get rid of some of the fumes in the air, Just make sure they are safe, I use tea lights in old jam jars so the wind from the open windows doesn't blow them out. You could also try the onion trick, leave a few cut up onions and it supposed to get rid of the smell.

Please try not to worry too much. The worry will be more harmful than the fumes.

When you think of some of the things they did in the past, lead paint etc, this is not too bad. (I would still be livid with your mother though)

If you think your mum is overstepping the mark now and being patronising just imagine how much worse it will be after the baby is born!

I'd also be MAD. We don't use any chemicals at home at all...none. We're lucky to have never been infested with anything so haven't had to...if someone did this without asking I'd be absolutely furious.

We buy organic paint to avoid chemicals and we've deliberately chosen to live as far away from main roads as possible.

People who minimise the effects of chemicals are ignorant.

Lighting candles just add to fumes. It might mask a smell with another one (which is more chemicals)

We don't use any chemicals at home at all...none

Wow. How do you live in a vacuum? Most people eat chemicals (food, including organic), breathe a chemical (oxygen), drink chemicals (water, tea, coffee, wine), use chemicals to clothes themselves (cotton, wool, polyester), clean with chemicals (bleach, water, vinegar)....

People who minimise the effects of chemicals are ignorant.

I so agree. Those undervalued creatures 'housewives' are exposed to so many fumes from cleaning products, it's unreal.

Ban your mother from the house, she’s batshit crazy. I’d be so angry if someone took it on themselves to do that

But (in the nicest possible way) I also think you need to think through the level of your anxieties before the baby arrives. Unless you keep your baby indoors in a sterile environment forever then it will be exposed to all sorts of chemicals in everyday life. You sound obsessive about it and that’s not going to make being a parent easy