Mum spraying pesticides in my nursery!

[happyleaf]

I have come home at 33 weeks pregnant to discover that my mum (unasked) has covered the beams in our new nursery with woodworm treatment. I have avoided chemicals the whole pregnancy - think holding my breath when I put deodorant on and not letting DH use weed killer. She knows I've been avoiding chemicals and I cannot think what has possessed her to do this?!
The whole room utterly stinks of chemicals. The baby's little clothes are all out on the bed and now stink, the cot is up and the stuff has been put all round it and the mattress. The cupboard where the baby's clothes will hang has also had a liberal dousing on the beams. We have an old house but I don't even think we have woodworm!!
I'm so livid I'm tearful, and am panicking that because I'm now in the house I'm breathing it in and it will hurt the baby. I messaged her to tell her to please please not do that sort of thing and she has grudgingly said she will wash it off tomorrow but that the boiler fumes are worse and that I'm over reacting! She said 'do you want the beams to have woodworm and the house to fall down?'

She can be controlling and while very helpful doing some other things for us, tends to go ahead and do things like paint windows when we haven't wanted her to and then you feel like you can't say anything because it's ungrateful.
What do people think? AIBU? And will this stuff hurt my baby? The smell is giving me a headache!

Try not to panic @happyleaf, it'll honestly be ok. Open the windows, get some air in there and chuck all the fabric stuff in the wash.
I understand why you're worried but it'll honestly be ok. I deal with lot of pesticide stuff through work, so I do get your concerns but these residues won't cause you or your baby harm. Just wash what you can wash and get some fresh air in the room. It's all ok.

(Maybe take your mums house key off her too!)

Is the baby’s room the only one with beams? If not (unlikely) why did she only treat that room? There is some weird psychology going on here.

And why on earth would she not remove all the clothes and bedding from the room first? Are there toys in there that can’t be washed?

I am fairly laid back but this is insane.

KetoWithIF

Oh, just imagine - there could be a whole range:
Mumbegone
MiLeave
Chuggercheckout
NoNoNeighbour
BossBye

Or you could just use loads of Lynx Africa.

To be honest I’d be be more worried about this extreme sort of behaviour from your mother it does not bode well for the future... she is the one that has breathed in the bulk of the chemicals during application. Wash all the clothes, curtains and bedding a couple of times and give it all a good airing on the washing line. Just tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable. Cat litter will absorb all the smell in a couple of days . Just fill a couple of roasting tins with it. Good luck and please try to enjoy these final few weeks of your pregnancy. PS A survey would have brought up any issues with active woodworm....

Read this

If I understand correctly, it is highly unlikely that the dry beams in your 350 year-old home would have woodworm. That’s not how it works. Your mother has caused a whole heap of trouble for absolutely nothing. The “bits” on the carpet were probably crumbling plaster or maybe from clothes/carpet moths?

The reason it is toxic to aquatic life is it's water soluble. It's bound to be toxic it kills insects. Presumably the OP isn't intending to lick the beams so swallowing is unlikely.

Thanks @Wide0penSpace that's how I feel about trying to minimise chemicals I can control.
She painted it on apparently.
I have now discovered that she has done every single beam upstairs. Thankfully our bedroom doesn't have any beams so I'll be sleeping with all the doors closed and the windows open tonight.

I don't think it was a malicious action but a controlling one. I just had a bit of a meltdown after discovering the same reek in the spare room and DH is absolutely livid and is threatening to ban her from the house.

@HerkyBaby thank you for this tip. I will get some cat litter tomorrow. X

@Weezol Lynx Africa reminds me uncomfortably of my first boyfriend who used to spray it as a substitute for a decent wash...

Oh god, that’s rotten. I have major asthma/contact allergy problems (swelling up, wheezing, oedema, hives, even needing intravenous steroids at one point, lovely stuff) and am amazed by how cavalier some people are about things we breathe in and let touch our skin.

I would replace mattress ( because I know I’d worry about it for the next year otherwise) and wash all clothes and bed linen (if there is any). Air curtains outside. Wipe cot. Wipe walls. Leave windows open. Use cat litter trays to soak up odour. Get someone else to do it- husband, cleaner, friend- as you must be knackered and it won’t be a happy experience.

Chances are it may well not be needed, but you don’t want it preying on your mind. You need to be able to enjoy your baby’s room, think of it as a peaceful happy space, not be scared of it.

Also I’d get your husband to speak to mother - you should not be stresssed any more so he should take it on. It was cruel and arrogant. Really nasty. Complete lack of boundaries and respect and kindness. I would not want her anywhere near my baby, to be honest.

Hope you can relax and get over the upset. You need your strength!

Thanks @anotherypasswordtoremember for the words of comfort. I'm trying to calm down. It's just my little nest isn't it? 🙁

You poor thing. I did a chest of drawers a while back and it STANK for about 6 months, can't remember what we brand used but no-one could sleep in the spare room for ages. I can't believe it's not a health hazard to sleep in the same room as all those fumes, your DM is massively out of order!

@bigfatmoggy she has promised to come back and scrub it all with washing up liquid to try and get rid of as much of it as possible.

Do you think that will work? I'm going to be so upset if it still stinks like this when the baby comes. And like a PP has said, this was supposed to be a peaceful lovely space and now I am scared of it

I would let your DH take the lead and let him take her key off her. She really has overstepped some major boundaries

If you read the link I posted above you’ll have seen that woodworm lay eggs in damp wood. For Christ’s sake don’t let her anywhere near the beams with water and washing up liquid! She needs to stay well away.

Bless you, your mum is bang out of order. Bizarre thing to do in a new nursery. God knows what’s going on her head! It’s normal to want to avoid unnecessary risks in pregnancy. Surely your mum should know that?

Your more likely to make yourself ill stressing than breathing it in with the windows open. Good job it nice weather. But yep, why risk it, it’s that she’s imposed the ( however minor) risk in you. There’s you being all careful and she’s impossed this on you. Not clever at all

I may have missed it, but you really need to find the exact treatment that she used; by looking at the empty tins; or the receipt; otr taking her to the shop she bought it and asking her to point it out. Sadolin make a number of products. Most of them are just paints and stains.

The dangers in the datasheet generally relate to people inhaling it, or spilling it on their skin, eating it, or pouring it into watercourses, none of which should apply here.

But if it was, for example, this one, it's the sort of thing I would be willing to use, with protective gear, and once it has dried the wood should be safe (though I wouldn't eat it or put it on a bonfire and inhale the smoke), BUT the chemicals are carried in white spirit, which is a popular hydrocarbon used as a paint thinner and cleaner, and I would leave the wood outside, or ventilate the room with open windows, until the smell has gone. I would give it two weeks. The vapour would give me a migraine even without the preservative chemical so although I might use a room or workshop that smelled of it, I would not want to sleep in it.

White spirit is not suitable for trying to wash out in a washing machine, and definitely not in a tumble drier, so I would hang contaminated clothes with splashes or drips on a washing line in the sun until the smell had gone, then launder.

@ArgumentativeAardvaark I couldn't get the link to show me the article. Oh no!! Imagine the irony 😞

Yup @PigletJohn that is the exact one she used 😞😞😞

p.s.

water and detergent will not wash off white spirit. It has to evaporate.

I believe in the US it is known as "Stoddard's Solvent"

Also known as "Turpentine Substitute" or "Turps" especially by painters.

Unrelated, but related.......

Last week my DS went out and pulled the door behind him .............hard.

The whole lock casing just dropped onto the floor in the hall, we had to go out and buy another one.

Change the locks NOW.

Tell her to stay the fuck away from the beams, I would be more concerned that warm/hot water and washing up liquid would stop the drying out process.

CHANGE THE LOCKS NOW

DH is absolutely livid and is threatening to ban her from the house.

I agree with him - I'd let him handle the whole situation, including changing the lock. He's probably wanted to do something about her behaviour for a long time.

I suggest changing the lock as I'd bet my next month's income she's made a copy of the key you gave her.

Don't let her come back to 'fix' it - she is trying to make herself essential in your home and will step up the controlling behaviour massively in the run up to and after the birth.

Link is working fine when I click it. Here’s an excerpt:

woodworm is not infectious – it does not spread from one piece of timber to another. I get frequent letters from readers who have found holes in firewood or second-hand furniture, and worry that it will spread to the floorboards or structural timbers of their homes. But that’s not how the wood-boring insects’ life cycle works.
The female of the “woodworm” (common furniture beetle, or Anobium punctatum) will lay her eggs in moist, nutritious timber, preferably the sapwood of freshly felled trees or branches outside. The larvae will burrow beneath the surface for three to five years, pupate and then emerge as adults.

This new generation will then mate and look for equally promising fresh wood in which to lay eggs. It is vital that there is sufficient moisture in the wood. Timbers that are part of a building will quickly become too dry to support life, and the beetles won’t lay eggs in them. Woodworm holes in furniture occur either because the eggs were already laid in the timber before it got to the factory, or because the furniture was later stored in damp conditions. Furniture or scrap wood stored inside will soon dry down to a safe level.
There is certainly no sense in spraying toxic chemicals on empty flight holes, or on unaffected timber as a “precaution”. Wereyou to call in a timber-treatment firm, it would most likely try tosell you this option, regardless

Thanks @ArgumentativeAardvaark this is helpful... these beams are as dry as bones (or were!) there's no woodworm!

PP... DM really isn't a malicious person she just likes to be busy and into everything and feeling useful. And she likes to be right and try to tell me what to do. There is often a tone of 'oh these youngsters just don't have a clue do they?'
But she doesn't know all about woodworm does she?!!

You should listen to your DH and let him ban your batshit crazy mother from your house. Get her key back immediately. Why haven't you already taken these steps?

She is going to be hideous once a baby is here. I think you should do some reading around Fear, Obligation and guilt (FOG) and narcissism and see if it rings any bells.

As an aside, I'd replace the cot mattress and wash multiple times the bedding and clothing. Wipe down the wardrobe, cot and any other wood in the room. What if your baby chews on the cot and ingests poison that way.