Mum spraying pesticides in my nursery!

[happyleaf]

I have come home at 33 weeks pregnant to discover that my mum (unasked) has covered the beams in our new nursery with woodworm treatment. I have avoided chemicals the whole pregnancy - think holding my breath when I put deodorant on and not letting DH use weed killer. She knows I've been avoiding chemicals and I cannot think what has possessed her to do this?!
The whole room utterly stinks of chemicals. The baby's little clothes are all out on the bed and now stink, the cot is up and the stuff has been put all round it and the mattress. The cupboard where the baby's clothes will hang has also had a liberal dousing on the beams. We have an old house but I don't even think we have woodworm!!
I'm so livid I'm tearful, and am panicking that because I'm now in the house I'm breathing it in and it will hurt the baby. I messaged her to tell her to please please not do that sort of thing and she has grudgingly said she will wash it off tomorrow but that the boiler fumes are worse and that I'm over reacting! She said 'do you want the beams to have woodworm and the house to fall down?'

She can be controlling and while very helpful doing some other things for us, tends to go ahead and do things like paint windows when we haven't wanted her to and then you feel like you can't say anything because it's ungrateful.
What do people think? AIBU? And will this stuff hurt my baby? The smell is giving me a headache!

I would take back her key, doing that to someone’s house or painting windows un asked is overstepping the mark.
Wash all the baby clothes in biological powder and all the soft furnishings, if you can’t change things like the mattress cover I would ask your mum to pay to replace it,

What the hell was she thinking

We had to have our house treated for woodworm while I was heavily pregnant (then replace some ceiling joists, it was a stressful time!)

I went and stayed with my MIL for three days after and we moved all the baby clothes out. I actually ended up finding out the specific treatment used by the company and finding the safety advisor of the company that made it who had a really lovely chat to me on the phone. He basically said, it should be fine to be back in the room six hours later but if I was his wife then staying away for a couple of days was definitely all the precaution you would need.

In your case, I'd say you're ok, we used professional cannot be bought in a ship stuff and still would probably have been fine in a few hours. I would treasure everything. But you have a massive mother problem. I'd get your husband involved, stay calm, and discuss with him the ways your mother could act out around your labour and the early days of having a newborn and strategise what you'll do.

It's really really clear that she's attention seeking and trying to assert her authority and trample all over your boundaries. It's not a coincidence she did this in the baby's room. Physically you'll be fine but you need to think about protecting yourself emotionally from your mother because she does not sound like she is on your side.

Agree with a PP, this is fucking weird.

My DM is similar. I now realise for some really f'ed up reason she enjoys breaking through my boundaries. Actually enjoys it. People with 'normal' mums may not get this.

Ime a conversation won't work, she'll only use it as fodder to make you feel irrational and uncomfortable, the only cure is to put as much space between you and her as possible.

Keep a diary if you think you're going mad.

@happyleaf I just don't understand why, if she was so mad keen to treat the wood, why she couldn't have at least moved the clothes and the soft furnishings. Especially knowing you've been feeling anxious. I don't think you're BU, seems like a complete dick move from your DM.

Also echo what PPs have asked - what does your DH think?

You're ok with bleach?!! What? Was that a typo? Bleach is a terrible thing to be using, it's dangerously toxic. I can't believe you are happy breathing that in - actively telling your DH to use it - but you hold your breath when using deodorant.

I would have understood if you said you'd told him to use soda crystals and vinegar instead of limescale remover but bleach?! It's toxic and all it does is change the colour of your limescale. Even if you're trying to clear a blockage bleach is still the option of last resort by professionals.

It's fine if you want to choose "natural" stuff over "chemicals" but at least put some science behind it so your rationale for the risks you're prepared to take is sound, rather than picking more toxic things to avoid things that aren't so bad!

Petrol/diesel are refined oil, which is natural. I agree with turning your head to avoid breathing it in etc, but the reason for doing so has nothing to do with whether or not the chemical in question is "natural" or not.

Bleach is a chemical. Vinegar is a chemical. I know which I'd rather risk breathing in whilst cleaning. (Vinegar is amazing at removing limescale by the way, and cheap.)

How are you washing your clothes without chemicals?

Please move out, at least temporarily. And you might need to assign another room as nursery.

What a hideous cow. You poor thing 😱😔 that was incredibly vindictive and file yanbu. Wash it all what you can and handing outside to dry, repeat until your happy with the stuff.nthen just leave windows open until you're happy. I'm sure baby will be ok though. Did she just do the nursery as that is odd and very worrying if so ... And if so she is emotionally bullying...

I can't imagine ever thinking it was okay to go into someone's home and apply woodworm treatments inside their home without discussing it with them - relative or not! It's barmy.

Hardly surprising you're anxious and trying to control the tiny things you can. If you can reduce the scope for controlling behaviour or its impact on you then you'll probably find you feel a lot calmer about unrelated stuff.

Get your key back, or change the locks.

I can't believe how dismissive some PPs are being. This is from the Sadolin wood preserver health and safety sheet

Signal word :
Hazard statements :
Prevention :
Precautionary statements :
Response :
Storage :
Disposal :
Danger
H304 - May be fatal if swallowed and enters airways.
H410 - Very toxic to aquatic life with long lasting effects.
Avoid release to the environment.
IF SWALLOWED: Do NOT induce vomiting. Immediately call a POISON CENTER or doctor.
Store locked up.
Dispose of contents and container in accordance with all local, regional, national and international
regulations.
Asp. Tox. 1, H304 ASPIRATION HAZARD - Category 1
Aquatic Acute 1, H400 SHORT-TERM (ACUTE) AQUATIC HAZARD - Category 1
Aquatic Chronic 1, H410 LONG-TERM (CHRONIC) AQUATIC HAZARD - Category 1
SECTION 2: Hazards identification
Read label before use. Keep out of reach of children. If medical advice is needed, have product
container or label at hand. Do not get in eyes, on skin, or on clothing. IF ON SKIN: Wash with plenty
of soap and water. IF IN EYES: Remove contact lenses, if present and easy to do. Continue rinsing.
General :
Hazardous ingredients : hydrocarbons, C10-C13, n-alkanes, isoalkanes, cyclics, < 2% aromatic

www.sadolin.co.uk/products/sadolin-wood-preserver/

I'm not pregnant and I would wear a mask when using and then air the room out for several days.

I just used that stuff to treat my new log.cabin, made me ill if I'm honest. Painted the outside with it (in garden) and felt sick and dizzy, had a break then vomited up my ancestors sins. It was not nice. On a side note it is good quality stuff!

The one time I breathed woodworm treatment in by mistake, it set my asthma off and I coughed really badly.
I think you are quite right to feel the way do.I' d have gone berserk!
Open the window as wide as you can, and the wardrobe door, and wash all the baby clothes.

I don't think the fact that the op is a little obsessive about chemicals should cloud the fact that her mother has no right at all to do what she has done. Who would even think that was ok? she sounds crazy or perhaps just likes to create drama. Either way I'd be having strong words with her before the baby arrives because the likelihood is that she's going to be an interfering nightmare.

I may be overly cautious, but I’d be worried about using the cot mattress if any of the stuff had got onto it.

I think you need to relax OP, try to enjoy your pregnancy. Wash babies stuff and open windows. You come across a little precious but I understand pregnancy is a stressful time xx

How can anyone avoid chemicals? Food is made of chemicals.

She let herself into your house, and, unasked sprayed a heavy duty chemical treatment onto surfaces in your nursery. I’d definitely get the key back and tell her how out of line she is. People source special paints for nurseries to cut down on toxins and she’s gone and sprayed them all over including on your baby’s clothes.

Wash everything (twice) and ventilate the room well for a week or two. I’m sure you and your baby will be fine.

I don't think you're overreacting OP, in fact I'm surprised by some of these responses. There are neurotoxins in some woodworm treatments. I'd be very upset too.

Open the windows, wash everything you can and try not to worry - as a pp said the baby won't be sleeping in there for a few months anyway. It'll be ok.

How can anyone avoid chemicals? Food is made of chemicals

You're being very obtuse if you're claiming to not understand the difference between chemical compounds that make up food and chemicals which can cause health problems when used around the home.

Some people are reacting to the OP’s excess caution over things like deodorant rather than this specific incident.

People having a go about OP avoiding chemicals - give over, it's obvious she means unnecessary chemicals. She's not the first mother to feel protective over her baby and to avoid harsh chemicals.

OP another thought - did she spray or paint it on? I've had to use it before and painted it on - it was a clear liquid that dried very quickly. If she did this it's unlikely it got all over the cot and clothes (I'd wash them anyway to get the fumes smell out).