MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

[Sofin]

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

But UK women are pretty fat on the whole compared to the rest of the world, so I don't think widespread malnourishment is likely a common problem.

UK men are even more likely to be "pretty fat" so no reason to give them larger portions at meal times.

If you eat man sized portions you will likely end up weighing the same as the average man

And why is that an issue?

I have 2 daughters - both the same height as me yet we all weigh different amounts

Should I give the eldest more because she weights more or less?
Should I give the child who weighs less more or less?

Or should they just eat what they need so they aren’t hungry?

DD1 often has a small breakfast so is hungry later
DD2 likes breakfast and eats less for lunch

DS also same height weighs much less yet eats loads more than anyone. Should he eat less?

As mentioned by a few people what else you’ve eaten that day impacts your choices

OP my MIL did this when I was breastfeeding - I bursted into tears 😳

It was the first meal I’d been cooked after having my baby (maybe 3 or 4 days after) I’d been on a strict diet throughout my pregnancy on doctors orders (thought I had gestational diabetes but was gallstones and I was really quite skinny). It was my favourite pasta (something that had been particularly restricted) and she did a teeny tiny plate for me and massive for xdh.

Perhaps she thought I wouldn’t be able to eat a normal portion? She was very wrong and I was very hormonal and hungry, and still clearly hold a grudge about this!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and commiserations on your portion size/mil.

*burst not bursted 😳😳😳

And why is that an issue?

Well, it's not an issue if you're comfortable with being overweight, which isn't a crime.

The large majority of woman (i.e. those who aren't almost 6 foot tall) would be overweight at 13 stone which is the average male weight - by 'large majority' I mean 'most women' rather than 'the majority of women, who happen to be large'.

Yup happens here too. Not so much withFIL As he eats like a bird now but MIL offers DH food whenever there and not me and once after eating a huge plate there off a buffet (mainly salad but I did have 2 slices of a Pizza Express pizza- not huge!) and was told “ ooh you’ve eaten a good tea “. Translated - you fat git. They eat loads of tiny meals and snack a lot. I don’t and didn’t have dessert but if I dare to finish my meal fast they think I’m a pig

WhoLetTheFrogsOut

So it’s MIL duty to save woman from becoming overweight?

Thank god I’m not invited places where I’m served and treated as less because I’m a woman

If you eat man sized portions you will likely end up weighing the same as the average man

What is a "man size portion". They are not all exactly the same size and build you know. Anyway, even if you eat the same size portions at a mealtime it doesn't mean that you are eating the same amount in the whole day. I know DH snacks a lot more than me so gets extra calories that way, not to mention beer.

I'm just saying that if most women ate as much as most men they would be overweight.

@AlisonGrant

Seriously, Alex?!

@itchychin Aw, that is mean, she should have at least asked you! I know those days after giving birth are hard anyway, and breastfeeding does make you hungry too! She should have made sure you had all you needed.

And also, seems there are many who think MIL did the right thing here since "men need more calories than women", or whatever, and that I don't need a man-sized portion. DH snacks a lot, which is something I don't do. He'd been at MIL's all afternoon yesterday, snacking away. Like I said earlier, he had a sausage roll an hour before the dinner. Shouldn't portion size also be about the circumstances each person is in - if you have to make different size portions? Or just dish them out the same and leave some for those who want more? I just think the fact that she deliberately gives the men more food is bad - as men obviously don't need more when they've been snacking all day. 500 cal more, spread out in a whole day doesn't add up to much in one meal!

I'm just saying that if most women ate as much as most men they would be overweight.

You said if they eat the same size portions they would be overweight which is rubbish as it depends on what else they eat during the day.

If you eat man sized portions you will likely end up weighing the same as the average man.
An 'average man does not need 3 times the food on a plate than a woman does! And nobody should be policing what a woman is allowed to eat.

UK men are even more likely to be "pretty fat" so no reason to give them larger portions at meal times

I agree with this, too, Woodchuck99. My guess is that the MIL's portion size was spot on for a woman, and too much for a man. I'm now feeling a bit sorry for her son if he had to hoover up a load of chips he didn't want.

I'm not sure anyone c

On a slightly different, but related, note: eating until you are full is not a good thing. Especially as it can take a while for your stomach to register that you are full - so what feels like full in the short term is actually 'over-full'.

Urgh - pressed the wrong thing before I finished a half-sentence.

I would like to say what it was I was going to say, but peri-menopausal brain means I have forgotten what it was.

I don’t have table space to put serving bowls in the middle, I plate up what I think
Is a decent portions and then say would anyone like anything more as there is usually plenty left.

Why don't hosts let people serve themselves so they take what they want to eat?

I prefer to acknowledge the difference between male and female physiques, and use that acknowledgement as a reason to not have men invading women's sport. Men are bigger than women, they eat more, they have more muscle.

Imagine being so desperate to shoehorn anti trans sentiment into every thread that you would defend patronising, judgmental bullshit like giving your female guests less food and your male guests more.

Just FYI, if it means that much to you, you can be anti-trans and still call out OP's MIL's behaviour for the sexist bullshit it very clearly is.

It’s RIDICULOUS to say that men need more food than women biologically and that being a good reason for someone to offer guests different portion sizes.

Everyone should get the same unless they want less. That’s it.

For food that the person themselves is helping themselves to they can decide on the portion size, or the amount they want to consume but NOT the host ffs.

Imagine going to a restaurant and the portion sizes depended on whether you were a man or a woman.