Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

459 replies

Sofin · 02/09/2019 08:13

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

OP posts:
MitziK · 02/09/2019 17:53

That reminds me of Xmas Dinner with an ex's mother.

One potato. Well, a quarter of one potato. One slice of turkey, five green beans and a tablespoon full of watery gravy.

Yes, I was fat at 11 stone compared to her 7 and a bit, but Christmas Dinner, 6 months after having a baby? I'd already missed breakfast and he wouldn't leave until he'd got his presents from her, so I was stuck there until 8.30pm.

I stuffed my face the moment we got in my front door

tigger001 · 02/09/2019 17:56

Really, I don't eat big portions anyway (unless it's cake) so I would have just said to my husband "can I have a couple of your potatoes or whatever you wanted" then said to MIL next time can I have a bigger portion.

I understand you wanting to make the point but she is probably form an era that men did manual work and women didn't so just used to "feeding them up"

You obviously weren't starving if a yoghurt satisfied your hunger on your arrival home.

JacquettaW · 02/09/2019 18:22

MNers can feed the entire population of Bangladesh off a single chicken

Grin
tillytoodles1 · 02/09/2019 18:34

My MIL used to do this so I kept crisps and chocolate hidden in our room. I would go in there and eat them when I was hungry as I didn't get enough to feed a bird. She was always on some diet or other and I got the same size portions as her.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 02/09/2019 18:44

“she is probably form an era that men did manual work and women didn't so just used to "feeding them up"”

Not this again - the OP is pregnant and if her husband is a similar age to her his mother is likely to be between 50 and 70 - hardly elderly! More likely her mother who is from that “era”, and she may well have inherited the sexist attitudes from her own parents. My Grannie who would have been 90 this year would not have dished up penis portions

RabbityMcRabbit · 02/09/2019 18:45

@Magenta82, he said nothing, just tucked in.He's an ex for a reason! I remember looking at it for the longest time in disbelief but did manage to eventually blurt out "why am I the only one with salad?!" It just seemed so bizarre. MIL muttered something about more "vitamins for the baby". She never pulled anything like it again though

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2019 18:46

“she is probably form an era that men did manual work and women didn't so just used to "feeding them up"“
Fuck me- how old is she??????

RabbityMcRabbit · 02/09/2019 18:46
  • he's an ex for a reason, even!
WhoLetTheFrogsOut · 02/09/2019 18:48

Men do need more calories though, especially if they lift weight which many do. I eat roughly 3000 cals a day and I'm around 15% bodyfat so not at all fat.

Don't pregnant women only need about 200 extra cals (less than half a sandwich)?

BettysLeftTentacle · 02/09/2019 18:50

I haven’t RTFT (yeah yeah I’m a hypocrite) but I had to jump in and say:

BOTH MY MIL AND FIL DO THIS TOO!!! And it drives me to distraction Angry especially because o can eat all of them under the table and then some and I’m sick of going home hungry. I take snacks now.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 02/09/2019 18:58

WhoLetTheFrogsOut Ok that’s maybe a case for you personally having more than the average woman. What does it have to do with the OP’s situation where she is receiving half to a third of her husband’s portion? It’s interesting how men are all totally ok with this and happy to claim “all men need more than all women”, but any other injustice towards women and they’re all desperate to shout “not all men!”

AtillatheHun · 02/09/2019 19:02

sounds like you massively under-ate during the day and are taking your hanger out on MIL to an extent. If you're hungry and 20 weeks' pregnant, a pack of falafels and a yoghurt isn't enough until dinner.

C8H10N4O2 · 02/09/2019 19:03

era that men did manual work and women didn't so just used to "feeding them up"

I thought it was her MiL not her great grandmother.

Jojobythesea · 02/09/2019 19:06

So it was not just a smaller portion but an actual smaller sized plate? 😲😲

fifig87 · 02/09/2019 19:06

I don't get why people don't serve themselves. In my dm's we all just help ourselves. Usually the grandkids are sorted first and then the adults. Always enough for seconds too if anyone wants more. This includes both males and females!

Actually we all do the same when there is a crowd in any of our houses. There is about 23 people in my immediate family so plating would take ages if we didn't all serve ourselves!

HerSymphonyAndSong · 02/09/2019 19:08

We serve ourselves too, but the dishes-in-the-middle-of-the-table vs dishing up has been thrashed out many times on MN before

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 02/09/2019 19:20

Yuck at all the handmaidens on this thread defending penis portions. I hope you aren't passing this shit to children.

WhoLetTheFrogsOut · 02/09/2019 19:42

Penis portions. 😂

Lettuce be real. If you eat man sized portions you will likely end up weighing the same as the average man.

LowlyHandMaiden · 02/09/2019 19:44

In fact, I am, AnAC. I give my 17 yr old son larger portions than my 15 yr old daughter. I give my daughter much bigger portions than I give myself, though, so I don't think it's anything to do with having a penis (or not).

lljkk · 02/09/2019 19:45

I dont' understand why OP didn't nick half her husband's food. This is what I would do.

MaggietheHorseThief · 02/09/2019 19:45

What are your views on the importance of biology in sex and gender issues in society

Nice attempt to shoehorn in an agenda Wink

Yanbu OP - she was rude. Literally making you go hungry in order to overfeed your husband is ridiculous and unfair.

WhoLetTheFrogsOut · 02/09/2019 19:49

It’s interesting how men are all totally ok with this and happy to claim “all men need more than all women”, but any other injustice towards women and they’re all desperate to shout “not all men!”

But UK women are pretty fat on the whole compared to the rest of the world, so I don't think widespread malnourishment is likely a common problem. 🤷‍♀️

LovePoppy · 02/09/2019 19:52

DH said he's been raised that way and doesn't notice. He's mum has always given him and his brothers more food than SIL, so he doesn't notice. But he said he'll look at my plate from now on, and give me food if need be.

So he does notice. He just has a ducked up normal meter on food.

Why didn’t you just ask for more?!

HerSymphonyAndSong · 02/09/2019 19:53

Why are some men so illogical? Clearly the idea of a woman eating more than them brings out in all sorts of irrational behaviours.

Juells · 02/09/2019 19:57

AnAC12UCOinanOCG
Yuck at all the handmaidens on this thread defending penis portions.

I prefer to acknowledge the difference between male and female physiques, and use that acknowledgement as a reason to not have men invading women's sport. Men are bigger than women, they eat more, they have more muscle.

Swipe left for the next trending thread