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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

459 replies

Sofin · 02/09/2019 08:13

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 02/09/2019 16:07

I tend to just have bakes fish and a jacket but it's your body and if you want to gain weight and risk heart issues further down the line it's your body so it's up to you

Oh yes, I've only just seen this. Grin Dearie me.

jcurve · 02/09/2019 16:13

Has anyone else ever noticed, when more than one of you orders the same meal in a restaurant and it involves a piece of meat or fish, that the waiter will always give the visually bigger portion to the man?

It has happened so many times to me over the years when I’m eating with colleagues. For some reason fish is the worst, I’m always given the smallest piece. As a greedy guts I’m always slightly cheesed off by it, I’ve thought it was because people don’t think a woman will complain about too little food but men will?

ScrambledSmegs · 02/09/2019 16:21

Has anyone else ever noticed, when more than one of you orders the same meal in a restaurant and it involves a piece of meat or fish, that the waiter will always give the visually bigger portion to the man?

I don’t think this has ever happened to me. I would have assumed that most serving staff are too rushed off their feet to make judgements like that? Although maybe it has and I just haven’t noticed.

However DH is a fan of frilly cocktails, and I’m a plain wine or beer drinker, which has led to an awful lot of switching of drinks over the years.

thecatsthecats · 02/09/2019 16:22

jcurve

I haven't noticed this systematically, but I do remember that once my husband nearly burst his buttons laughing at a wedding when my portion of the main came out.

Apparently I looked like I'd lost a parent. He gave me a chunk of his beef.

Lweji · 02/09/2019 16:29

Oh, dear. I had missed the serious "it's bad for your health" post.

But love this gem too:
It would be tempting to express gratitude that she isn’t poisoning you with unhealthy food

But this wins the thread
some people struggle and can't afford food, others starve and you lot are complaining about having a few less chips which is very selfish

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/09/2019 16:42

why you would want 3 times more chips? they are bad for the health
I tend to just have bakes fish and a jacket but it's your body and if you want to gain weight and risk heart issues further down the line it's your body so it's up to you

Aaaargh! There’s always one. Well I have just half a fish finger, a teaspoon of mash and two baked beans, having washed off the tomato sauce of course. Do I win the thread?

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/09/2019 16:43

Bold fail 🙄

ScrimshawTheSecond · 02/09/2019 16:47

This thread is really making me starving. Off to look up something filling in Jamie's Big Book of Manfood.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 02/09/2019 16:48

"I must say, I am very surprised that such a thread turned into a competitive orthorexia battle."

Don't you know? If you can somehow eat more than a thimble of quinoa and a sniff of a lettuce leaf, you're a disgusting greedy piggy.

C8H10N4O2 · 02/09/2019 16:48

I have just half a fish finger, a teaspoon of mash and two baked beans, having washed off the tomato sauce of course. Do I win the thread?

Close but you lost it by including the mash - just think of all the carbs!

Bloodybridget · 02/09/2019 16:59

Can't understand these households where one person dishes up food for guests without asking how much they want!

woodchuck99 · 02/09/2019 17:04

Can't understand these households where one person dishes up food for guests without asking how much they want!

If you ask people how much they want they might say less than they actually do want to be polite or not appear greedy. I give everyone a similar amount and leave dishes on the table so they can help themselves to more.

Bloodybridget · 02/09/2019 17:08

Well they might Woodchuck . . I can't be doing with that sort of faffing about!

GREATAUNT1 · 02/09/2019 17:08

Ask them how much they want? You’ll be spoon feeding next Grin.
Op the MIL obviously has issues about your diet, just thank her for the little snack & tell her you must dash as you have a roast in the oven.

whattodowith · 02/09/2019 17:10

Men do generally need more calories than women and pregnant women don’t need extra calories until the third trimester.

Having said that, it sounds as though she is giving DH 1000 calories and you get 1/4. Obviously hugely disproportionate and your DH should tell her.

spongemumnudiepants · 02/09/2019 17:14

Yanbu. I love my food too. Dp does eat more than I do but I still love nice portions.

MullinerSpec · 02/09/2019 17:14

Did DH not offer you his share? I would have if my wife was hungry carrying our baby.

woodchuck99 · 02/09/2019 17:15

Men do generally need more calories than women and pregnant women don’t need extra calories until the third trimester.

They might need more calories in a day but that doesn't necessarily mean more per meal. OP was hungry and may not have eaten that much that day whereas her DH might have had a huge lunch. At about 5ft 10in I probably need more calories than a 5 ft woman in a day but wouldn't expect someone to size me up and give me more food. That's a bit weird.

nettie434 · 02/09/2019 17:17

I think that traditionally, when money and food were scarce, the lion’s share was given to the man (the “breadwinner”)

Yes that was true coldtattywaitingforsummer. As wombatchocolate says, women often put their husbands and children first.

I think that if Sofin's MIL was being properly altruistic, she would be the one having the teeny portion of pie and chips, making sure that Sofin was not hungry.

And as for the poster upthread who was not offered a drink - that really is adding insukt to injury. Even worse than a 1930s film or novel where the women are offered a small sherry and the men glug down whisky or brandy.

Purpleartichoke · 02/09/2019 17:21

My mom used to do a variant of this. She fed her adult children and their spouses the same portions she served us when we were children. She didn’t make any more food than that because she just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that she couldn’t just cook the same volume she did when we were children.

KUGA · 02/09/2019 17:27

My x-mil { sadly now passed away } always gave the men more.
I commented once as to why and she said men need more than women ?.
Her reply was because that's how it is.
When I had children who came home with either g/friends or wives I put all food in the middle of the table in serving dishes so they could all help themselves to what ever amount they wanted.
And that was every Wednesday evening.
My DIL and my sons partner loved it .
And obviously my sons did.
I always cook too much so told them if they want to take anything left over please do and they did.
HAPPY DAYS FOR SURE.
sadly we haven't done this for a while as they work and have families of their own.
But when we meet up for girly lunch they still mention how much they loved it.happily we do that around Five times a year.
Maybe you could suggest that to your MIL.
But have a safety helmet on hahahaha

FrenchBoule · 02/09/2019 17:43

@Cherryblossomtrees I wouldn’t say portion served by MIL was adequate to OP’s needs.
OP could have asked for more addressing MIL first then her DH, if that fail then going for take away would be an option.

I can’t imagine serving my guests with such disparity.If you’re hosting there should be plenty for everyone, not some guests

As for lack of care- MIL has served OP 7-8 chips. Hardly filling for a pregnant woman who’s been at work all day.

RabbityMcRabbit · 02/09/2019 17:44

Late to the party here, but I do recall when I was about 8 months pregnant with DD1 (now 21) (ex) DH and I were invited round to his parents. When we sat at the table and MIL started to serve the food (she always served the men first) I looked and thought "Oh yummy roast dinner with all the trimmings" eagerly anticipating mine (she was a good cook). Well she brought mine and hers out and she had a roast dinner but mine was a massive plate of...SALAD! I was speechless!!

woodchuck99 · 02/09/2019 17:51

I think that there was a time when they used to worry about pregnant women putting on too much weight, perhaps as a backlash to the "eating for two" idea in previous generations. I remember in the 70s that my aunt complained that they put her on a diet while in hospital because of the weight they said she had gained which I don't think would happen now. My mother was quite surprised that they didn't weigh me when pregnant too. Perhaps this is where the tiny portions for pregnant women come from.

Magenta82 · 02/09/2019 17:53

Wow! @RabbityMcRabbit that is awful! how nasty! What did your ex say?