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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite - no children

677 replies

FunkySnidge · 01/09/2019 22:42

Aibu?
Wedding invite but children are not invited unless they have a role in the wedding or are babies. This means that our kids are the only kids from our side of the family who will not be invited. In fact as it's not a big family they are the only relatives not invited.
We now don't really want to go. Our kids really value family events and they can't be fobbed off, they prefer this kind of family thing to a substitute treat.
If we go we will have the faff of organising house pet child sitter, and then the expense of travel and accommodation... During a school holiday. Tbh I would prefer to just go on hol with my kids and let someone else who is closer to the wedding couple enjoy the day.
It's not my family it's dh so I'm giving him space to say what he wants and haven't said my view yet. He has indicated he thinks it's unfair to go without our kids as they will literally be the only family members from our side excluded and he doesn't agree.
Should we get over it and go or do we have a point and should just decline graciously and send a lovely pressie.

OP posts:
Goodlookingcreature · 01/09/2019 22:45

I think you are being unreasonable. The wedding day is about the couple and who they want there, not about what events your kids value. Sorry.

Bouffalant · 01/09/2019 22:47

Someone else's wedding is not about your children I'm afraid.

We are having a childfree wedding soon. People are of course very welcome to decline the invite if they don't want to attend without their kids or can't get childcare.

Tink88 · 01/09/2019 22:47

Whose wedding is it?

Don't go. Go on holiday with your kids as you said

Bambamber · 01/09/2019 22:47

If you don't want to go without the children, don't go. No point going and then harbouring resentment because the children weren't invited. Just graciously opt out

NoHummus · 01/09/2019 22:48

I think YABU, sorry. It seems a bit petty not to go to the wedding just because your children aren't invited.

PeevedNiamh · 01/09/2019 22:48

Decline graciously and send a lovely pressie
This, for courtesy Is invent a prior engagement though 😁

Rachelle11 · 01/09/2019 22:48

YABU

jesuschristwtf · 01/09/2019 22:49

It’s not a day about you or your children. You don’t want to go without them? Then don’t go, it’s totally their choice who they invite - it’s their wedding and for whatever reason they don’t want kids. Send a gift and decline but please don’t say its because they didn’t invite your kids.

GabriellaMontez · 01/09/2019 22:49

Yanbu. The couple don't seem too bothered by your family so you dont need to worry about them. Seems a bit pointed.

PurpleFlower1983 · 01/09/2019 22:50

I would tell them you have a holiday booked already so can’t make it.

CassianAndor · 01/09/2019 22:51

YANBU. Possibly the happy couple haven’t realised that their rule means that your DC are the only members of that family not invited.

And weddings are about family. Though equally your DC need to learn that they don’t get to decide what they’re are and aren’t invited to and will have to deal with being ‘fobbed off’. You’re making them sound very full of themselves.

TiredOldTable · 01/09/2019 22:51

Don’t go. I turn down all child free invites. I respect their decision to be child free and expect them to respect mine to decline

No reason required, you dont usually send s gift if you decline just a card with the response.

RavenLG · 01/09/2019 22:51

YABU about no children rule as it’s not your wedding.
YANBU if you decline though. They’ve made the choice to have a child free wedding, and people not attending because of that rule is the risk you take.

Freddiefox · 01/09/2019 22:51

Depends on whose getting married?

If it dh brother and your dc aren’t invited but the brides dn are then I think it’s fair to be pissed off.

If it’s done distant cousin then Yabu.

Lemoneeza · 01/09/2019 22:52

politely decline. poor form imo. child free weddings should be all or nothing, no exceptions.

timshelthechoice · 01/09/2019 22:53

If we go we will have the faff of organising house pet child sitter, and then the expense of travel and accommodation... During a school holiday.

For this reason alone, don't go. And don't forgo a holiday or time with your family to go alone. Just nope out of the whole thing.

dontcallmeduck · 01/09/2019 22:54

It depends whose wedding it is and how your DH feels about it. We’ve declined a family wedding invite for this reason as it meant 4 days away in school holidays without children and they were still very young.

TiredOldTable · 01/09/2019 22:54

You just send a wedding card as a decline, have a wonderful day, sorry we are unable to attend funkysnidge, mr funkysnidge and the little funkysnidges.

HiJenny35 · 01/09/2019 22:55

Don't go. Personally I turn down any child free wedding invitations because I'm not leaving my kids all day to go to a wedding.

Charmatt · 01/09/2019 22:56

They are free to have the wedding they want. You are free to decline the invite.

It's an invite, not a summons....

PurpleDaisies · 01/09/2019 22:57

How far away is the wedding? Is it an overnight sitter you need?

You don’t have yo go but if you do go, make sure you’re not going to be there with a face on all dah because you’re not happy your children weren’t invited.

sirfredfredgeorge · 01/09/2019 22:59

Send a gift and decline but please don’t say its because they didn’t invite your kids

Can't agree with this (other than the gift part) "sorry, with the cost and effort of organising childcare during school holidays and having to rush the journey there and back it's simply not practical for us." Is much better than some invented prior engagement (possibly over the top of a save the date...)

Derbee · 01/09/2019 23:02

I wouldn’t go. But I wouldn’t justify why you’re not going, I’d just say you can’t make it.

Original poster
FunkySnidge · 01/09/2019 23:03

It would be a minimum of two nights away.
All the other family kids will be there with a part in the wedding, or small enough to be allowed.
So if ours are fringe enough not to count, I don't think we are being stroppy to opt out.
I don't have any intention of making a fuss about this, just want to test if I'm being stroppy or not.
Plus it's not my family as I said so I need to wait for dh to decide. It's not an immediate sibling getting married but as it's a small family it's the next best thing on his side.

OP posts:
pickme · 01/09/2019 23:03

We have this and we are just going to not go. My Dh will go alone. We live in another country and my parents are dead, I have no family to leave them with and obviously DHs family will be at the wedding. We suspect it is on purpose to exclude our children as they have SN bu there is no point worrying over it. To be honest I am relieved.