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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite - no children

677 replies

FunkySnidge · 01/09/2019 22:42

Aibu?
Wedding invite but children are not invited unless they have a role in the wedding or are babies. This means that our kids are the only kids from our side of the family who will not be invited. In fact as it's not a big family they are the only relatives not invited.
We now don't really want to go. Our kids really value family events and they can't be fobbed off, they prefer this kind of family thing to a substitute treat.
If we go we will have the faff of organising house pet child sitter, and then the expense of travel and accommodation... During a school holiday. Tbh I would prefer to just go on hol with my kids and let someone else who is closer to the wedding couple enjoy the day.
It's not my family it's dh so I'm giving him space to say what he wants and haven't said my view yet. He has indicated he thinks it's unfair to go without our kids as they will literally be the only family members from our side excluded and he doesn't agree.
Should we get over it and go or do we have a point and should just decline graciously and send a lovely pressie.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 02/09/2019 00:08

Some children may be excluded from the other family's side, so if they invited yours, they would have to invite them, which would bump up their numbers. They might even be closer in relative terms.

FeeFee832 · 02/09/2019 00:08

Yes... 4 down, 3 to go. Expensive year Sad

FeeFee832 · 02/09/2019 00:09

@FunkySnidge

Original poster
FunkySnidge · 02/09/2019 00:09

@jingsmahbucket seriously it doesn't matter a jot which other children of the b and g friends or other unrelated people are not going, this is purely about weighing up what works for my family. I think I would be clearer in my mind if it was my relative but as this is dh family there is still an unknown area where I'm not sure how much it all matters to him as yet.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 02/09/2019 00:10

Don’t go but also remember that as your kids are the oldest on DH’s side then your turn for revenge will come soon. When it’s your children’s wedding don’t invite the couple and their kids and make it clear why.

C0untDucku1a · 02/09/2019 00:11

So it would be three days?! Ffs. Just decline and say you have nobody to look after hour children for three says. Three fudging days?

FeeFee832 · 02/09/2019 00:11

Honestly, I would just go. We had this at our own wedding a few years back too and a couple of family members (cousins) got a bit arsy about it but we just stuck to two flower girls (they happened to be goddaughters as well as family) and the other 4 babies/kids weren't invited.

EWAB · 02/09/2019 00:11

As it’s not your family let DH decide whether to go or not and what excuse to give if he decides not to go.

FeeFee832 · 02/09/2019 00:12

Three days seems a lot. Is it abroad?

Original poster
FunkySnidge · 02/09/2019 00:13

@Teddybear45 that's very funny but I imagine it will be my kids who will have a say over their wedding Guestlist!

OP posts:
CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 02/09/2019 00:13

I hate this idea that you can be as entitled and selfish as you want, because it’s your wedding. Nobody’s feelings matter, especially not children, because it’s your wedding. 😴😴😴😴😴

^This

It would be a no brainer for me, I'd decline and take my kids for a day outing instead. Especially if they were the only kids on my side not going. How inconsiderate! Keep your invite.

Original poster
FunkySnidge · 02/09/2019 00:14

It's a six to seven hour drive, and the ceremony is midday

OP posts:
elvis86 · 02/09/2019 00:15

7 wedding invites in the last 18 months and ALL of them were no children or babies. One wedding allowed a BF baby to go but wasn't allowed in the ceremony.

We didn't invite kids to our wedding, but nursing babies were obviously an exception. I can't believe anyone would exclude them? In that case you are genuinely making it impossible for the mum to attend.

We actually ended up with one child too due to babysitter falling through (which didn't cause a problem - it just might not have been particularly fun for him as other than some last-minute colouring books etc, we hadn't planned any activities for kids).
None of our other friends demanded to know why he attended and their kids couldn't.

Justaboy · 02/09/2019 00:17

Arn't weddings for familes?, all of the family??

Young and old???

FeeFee832 · 02/09/2019 00:18

@elvis86 not you again...

I said the breastfed baby WAS allowed.

elvis86 · 02/09/2019 00:19

Don’t go but also remember that as your kids are the oldest on DH’s side then your turn for revenge will come soon. When it’s your children’s wedding don’t invite the couple and their kids and make it clear why.

Yes definitely make sure your kids perceive this as a massive snub, and encourage them to harbour resentment towards the B&G until adulthood. Hmm

MommaJP · 02/09/2019 00:20

Weddings are hard work, we were very particular about people in the day.

Maybe if it's your DH family see if he wants to go alone, if it's a close family member it's difficult, if you don't go I would defo send a card & little pressure soften the blow also make sure they know what you decide.

Good luck x

elvis86 · 02/09/2019 00:21

I said the breastfed baby WAS allowed.

Sorry, I read your post to mean that only at one of the 7 was an exception made for a BF baby. I.e. That the others had a blanket ban on even babies.

EWAB · 02/09/2019 00:21

Decline for yourself and encourage DH to go.

ddl1 · 02/09/2019 00:24

I don't think it's unreasonable to decline, if this would be problematic because of the children (or indeed problematic for any reason). Just send good wishes and a lovely pressie as you suggest. However, it would be U to be stroppy about it. People have the right to choose how they want their own weddings, and if they want it child-free, they want it child-free: it's not directed at you in particular. (By the same token, it would also be U for them to get stroppy about your declining the invitation.)

Aridane · 02/09/2019 00:25

I'd love for dh to go, it would solve everything! Unfortunately he would rather die than do this kind of thing solo

Drama runs high in the family

Aridane · 02/09/2019 00:28

It would be a no brainer for me, I'd decline and take my kids for a day outing instead

But you would then be fobbing them off

Original poster
FunkySnidge · 02/09/2019 00:30

@aridane mutual fobbing off is ethically acceptable, where is your team spirit?

OP posts:
Catsandchardonnay · 02/09/2019 00:36

YANBU. They ABU. Weddings should be about families, 2 families are joining together after all. They ABU to expect you to get your children looked after so you can attend. Decline and don’t invent a reason, be honest.

SandyY2K · 02/09/2019 00:38

I believe if you're invited to a wedding where you have to be away for 2/3 days and your DC aren't invited, the couple don't want them there or are rather thoughtless, as most ppl would consider this.

I got married in my hometown and lots of guests travelled, but I was mindful of family members with small kids who would have an issue.

Having said that, DH didn't think about this with his friends until I reminded him.

Sometimes ppl without kids, think teens can stay alone ... they just don't think.

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