To be so angry with dd

[MozzchopsThirty]

This isn't the first post regarding her behaviour!
Last year she created havoc on holiday
Then I asked her to move out in January because she was so badly behaved and it was affecting her brothers

Anyway yesterday I took her out as she has just landed her dream job
My OH was out with staff and clients
We went to meet them for a drink and i asked her to behave
Within 20 minutes she had thrown a drink over one of the guests and he threw one back
My OH jumped to her defence but another woman guest said that my daughter had been at fault, and I don't doubt this
So she left
We got thrown out of a nice hotel and I felt like a complete arse in front of OH and his clients

I haven't spoken to her today as I'm so disappointed and angry
She text me and said she will not allow people to be rude to her and it's not what she should put up with because she's a woman, she's very big on feminism, being goady, pushing other people
Rather than just walking away or ignoring

I can't talk to her AIBU

kriss are you always this imaginative when reading posts...you're literally making stuff up as you go along! Where does it say the man made inappropriate comments? You're talking utter bollocks, especially regarding how you feel 23 year olds should act...I'm pretty sure, judging by what you've written, that you behave in such an idiotic way but, trust me, normal 23 year old don't!

Why don’t you ask what he said to her? Surely you want the full picture? For example, if he’s called her a “big titted cunt with shit for brains” wouldn’t that excuse a drink soaking? A friend of mine chucked a drink over a male friend in a bar. She’s a wonderful person. Truly. This guy was droning on and on about how women need to know their place and they’re only good for cooking, cleaning and fucking...we all wished we’d done it. Shut him up and we all told him he’d deserved it. So I don’t know, maybe there are sometimes extenuating circumstances. What if he’d said “I’ll fuck you before I fuck your mother. She’s got the face of a pit bull sucking a wasp” wouldn’t that be ok as she was defending you? That’s why you should find out before cutting her off

And christ.. really you're glad an (I assume since they were her mothers boyfriends friends) middle aged man threw a drink at a young girl to whom he had made inappropriate comments?
Tbh regardless of how pissed off that my daughter had thrown a drink and got us kicked out of a nice hotel, idve been livid at this man and hed never be anywhere near me or my family again.

You have no idea what the man said. A perfectly normal conversation is enough to set my sister off into screaming rage - or used to be, she's calmed down as she got older.

Examples...
She was visiting my parents, and put her newspaper on the floor by her chair. My father picked it up. She shrieked for half an hour, completely over the top, about how nobody should touch her things, she hated people touching her things.
On another visit, my mother's whist partner called in (a nice quiet woman). She made a completely innocuous remark about cities, she preferred living in a small town, normal discussion, my sister worked herself into a fury, screaming and shouting at her that only a fool would think like that. End of my mother's card games.
My 21st birthday party all was jolly until I heard my sister's voice shrieking from another floor. There had been some discussion about war and armies, she became incensed about people who 'didn't want to do their duty for their country'. She was in her 30s at that stage.

I could give example after example. Impossible to know what would trigger her, but it certainly wasn't anyone 'making inappropriate remarks'. She doesn't care that she drives people away from herself and from family members.

Yes I think she does have MH issues and like most people her age, a huge sense of entitlement and that the world owes her a favour

No 23 is prime dick time. All full of ideology and no experience. Think you know everything, really know nothing. Full of indignant rage.

Eh? Maybe the people who have such disdain for people that age have bad experiences of them because they can feel your attitude towards them.

Dicks are dicks, most people I know of that age now are working ridiculous hours without any overtime pay because that's normal now, can't get on the housing ladder because the deposits required are almost impossible to save without parental help or inheritance, are shit scared about the future because they'll have to work well into their 70s and will likely get a shit pension.

Maybe that's just my own experience of people in their early 20s now but tarnishing an entire generation with one brush isn't exactly helpful.

I'm in my 30s so not saying the above about myself, although much of it applies to myself and my peers also.

Another thing I meant to say, which probably applies to the OP's daughter as well - my sister can choose who'll get the abusive screaming. It never happened in her job, or with her doctor, or with anyone she considers important. Just with family, or friends of family.

Sorry just to clarify I'm not defending OP's daughter at all, her behaviour sounds disgraceful - I just don't think it's either excusable due to her age or caused by her age.

like most people her age, a huge sense of entitlement and that the world owes her a favour

I am 23. I'm a parent with a mortgage and a professional job. I don't know anyone at 23 who would dream of throwing a drink in anybody's face.
Especially when that person pays to put food on my mothers table.

I was on your side until that comment.

You need to find out exactly what happened.

*She text me and said she will not allow people to be rude to her and it's not what she should put up with because she's a woman, she's very big on feminism, being goady, pushing other people
Rather than just walking away or ignoring *

Well she doesn’t understand feminism if that’s what she thinksit is.
Throwing a drink over someone rather than respond with educated words like a grown up is ridiculous and aggressive, and is just as bad as anyone she claims is being rude to her.

I don't think we can judge DD until we know what that guy said, maybe he deserved it maybe he didn't.

However, I don't get why people are trying to pin the daughters traits onto the OP. People can just be arseholes you know, with no blame on anyone else, there isn't always a reason they are like it, some just are. Sounds like OP has tried really hard to give her DD security, so I don't blame her for not coming back to this.

OP if you are still reading, hope you're ok.

I'm 24. I've been working F/T for 7 years, doing a P/T uni course for 3. Rented properties since I left home at 20 and now own property at 24. I can assure you, it's not most people her age. I am very capable of standing on my own two feet, and knowing what I have to do to get somewhere.

This whole notion of whether he “deserved” it or not is a bit
There are lots of idiots walking round behaving like dicks, but if we descend to their level we become savages ourselves.
Deal with it like an adult. 23 is most definitely an adult, it’s pitiable that some on this thread (well, ok, one) think otherwise.

I don't know what was said, and frankly I don't care, someone was rude to me last night, I just left the bar, no scene, they don't matter to me

I had some utterly repulsive things said (and done) to me in my 20s by middle-aged men. It doesn't necessarily excuse that kind of behaviour but not even to be interested... that seems very odd to me.

However, I don't get why people are trying to pin the daughters traits onto the OP. People can just be arseholes you know, with no blame on anyone else, there isn't always a reason they are like it, some just are.

Both my parents were very laid back, tolerant, easy-going. My sister was like this from when she was a tiny child, it's just how she is. Difficult. Weirdly, she's a most lovely generous aunt to my and my other sister's offspring, they can do no wrong, would never be shouted at under any circumstances.

Sounds like it’s the straw that broke the camels back for the OP.
Maybe @MozzchopsThirty has no room left to contemplate drink throwing and being thrown out of a hotel. And I’m tempted to agree based on these minimum facts, if the guy was across a table, he was hardly being suggestive/rude in her ear. And even if he was, it’s not the best way of dealing with it. Calling him out publicly and embarrassing him would be my choice, especially if I was a 23 prime time dick, I’d use words for maximum public takedown rather than girly teenage tantrum.