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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry with dd

189 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 01/09/2019 17:59

This isn't the first post regarding her behaviour!
Last year she created havoc on holiday
Then I asked her to move out in January because she was so badly behaved and it was affecting her brothers

Anyway yesterday I took her out as she has just landed her dream job
My OH was out with staff and clients
We went to meet them for a drink and i asked her to behave
Within 20 minutes she had thrown a drink over one of the guests and he threw one back
My OH jumped to her defence but another woman guest said that my daughter had been at fault, and I don't doubt this
So she left
We got thrown out of a nice hotel and I felt like a complete arse in front of OH and his clients

I haven't spoken to her today as I'm so disappointed and angry
She text me and said she will not allow people to be rude to her and it's not what she should put up with because she's a woman, she's very big on feminism, being goady, pushing other people
Rather than just walking away or ignoring

I can't talk to her AIBU

OP posts:
Longdistance · 01/09/2019 18:21

I’m shocked that she’s 23 and behaving like that. Such poor behaviour. I feel embarrassed for you op. I hope your DP doesn’t lose his client.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 01/09/2019 18:22

Kick him very hard in the shin whilst maintaining eye contact and smiling. That was what I used to do when I was younger than that. No need to have a drama llama diva moment.

HeadintheiClouds · 01/09/2019 18:22

How was he rude to her? Surely you were there, and know exactly what turn the conversation took? Hard to believe he tried to grope her in front of both her parents!

AlexaAmbidextra · 01/09/2019 18:24

This is really extreme but 23 is prime dick time.

Really? I would have thought age 2 might be prime dick time. Or maybe 13. But 23? She’s a grown woman No excuse whatsoever. Like others though OP, I’m wondering why, given her form for bad behaviour, you thought it a good idea to risk her with your DH’s clients.

HeadintheiClouds · 01/09/2019 18:25

What does “she’s very big on feminism, being goady, pushing other people” mean in reality? She sounds like an obnoxious, aggressive brat, to be honest.
That’s nothing to be remotely proud of.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 01/09/2019 18:25

At 23 I had a job, husband, mortgage and a cat.

Passthecherrycoke · 01/09/2019 18:26

No 23 is prime dick time. All full of ideology and no experience. Think you know everything, really know nothing. Full of indignant rage. Also potentially drinking/ drugging too much which makes you aggressive.

2 year olds genuinely do know fuck all and don’t pretend otherwise

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 01/09/2019 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadintheiClouds · 01/09/2019 18:28

Please tell her to stop parading this embarrassing behaviour under the banner of feminism, op.
She clearly has a pretty warped notion of what it means.

Elodie2019 · 01/09/2019 18:28

Does she have MH issues?
Unusual behaviour to say the least.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 01/09/2019 18:30

He didn't grope her, he was the other side of the table
I was talking to other people so didn't hear any of it, first I knew was when I got soaked in drink

I just thought that given we'd had such a lovely day and she's so happy about her job that she could have behaved normally for an hour

OH is my boyfriend, not her dad. He knows she's a nightmare but he would jump to defend any woman who gets swilled like that
Turns out she threw it first

OP posts:
EdnaAdaSmith · 01/09/2019 18:30

As plunkplunkfizz and HeadintheClouds ask, wtf possessed you to take her to "pip in and say hello" to your partner and his clients ? That would have been an extremely odd thing to do even if you didn't pretty much already expect her to be confrontational!

Did he grope her or make a sexual comment? Throwing a drink is childish but if he was sleezy she was right not to meekly put up with it, and you knew she wasn't meek and mild before you decided to take her to an alcohol fueled work situation of your partner's...

No matter how angry with your DD you are justified or otherwise in being, she's most certainly not the only one deserving of your anger.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 01/09/2019 18:31

Yes I think she does have MH issues and like most people her age, a huge sense of entitlement and that the world owes her a favour

OP posts:
bamboocat · 01/09/2019 18:32

What on Earth did the person say to her to result in her chucking her drink over him (and I'm assuming it was a him)?

EdnaAdaSmith · 01/09/2019 18:32

Cross posted about the groping but the question of what on earth possessed you to go and visit your boyfriend with clients in this situation with a volatile person in tow remains the million dollar one.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/09/2019 18:33

At 23 I had a professional job and wouldn't have thrown a drink over anyone.

But I would also have been Confused if a professional contact's daughter and wife turned up. I guess it's different in your OH's industry.

Raphael34 · 01/09/2019 18:33

She’s 23 years old ffs, not 15. That is not normal for people her age

CherryPavlova · 01/09/2019 18:33

Definitely not either normal or acceptable. I think it was a mistake taking her but you cannot change what is done.
Unless someone groped her then there was no excuse. If someone groped her, there are the better ways.
Perhaps when it’s all settled you need to talk about the impact of her behaviour and coach her to behaviour that is more age appropriate and socially acceptable. Maybe give her words and coping strategies but also consider anger management support.

EdnaAdaSmith · 01/09/2019 18:34

Even more wierd to pop in on him entertaining clients given he's your boyfriend not her dad!

CherryPavlova · 01/09/2019 18:35

As happens, we’ve taken each of our twenty somethings along to work events and supper with business colleagues. I don’t think it’s necessarily abnormal.Certainly when we’ve entertained professional contacts at home, the children have joined us to eat.

SunshineCake · 01/09/2019 18:36

Still making excuses for her and that won't help.

Great to feel equal but being a feminist doesn't mean being a dick.

Krisskrosskiss · 01/09/2019 18:36

You dont sound like you like her very much... I mean she is your daughter.. you must have had some kind of a hand in her being this way? You cant put it all down to nature.... if you really believe shes just horrible and there isnt anything else going on here then i guess just dont invite her places?
I am a bit sympathetic to her i admit because theres plenty a time my dads sleazy colleagues made inappropriate comments to me and looking back i wish I'd had the strength to throw drinks in their faces tbh.. i doht think its entitlement to expect not to be perved over so I'd find out exactly what was said here... it's strange you are immediately believing the case against her rather than taking your own daughters side... perhaps she feels she needs to be so volatile because no one else but her has her back??

Gitfeatures · 01/09/2019 18:38

like most people her age, a huge sense of entitlement and that the world owes her a favour

Most 23 year olds do not carry on like this.
Dare I ask what her new job is? What is she going to do if someone says something she doesn't like at work?

Caselgarcia · 01/09/2019 18:39

She sounds a very silly girl looking for attention. Can't see the dream job lasting.

pasturesgreen · 01/09/2019 18:39

She won't last very long in her dream job with attitude like that.

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