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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to make of my DH saying this every morning...

157 replies

SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 16:17

OK - this might sound weird so apologies in advance!

Every morning for the last two or three weeks, my DH has said "I'm tired, I had to get up with DS (8 months old) several times".

You're all thinking "And?"

DS is a great sleeper, as is DH - I on the other hand am not. I sleep like a cat. We have other DC's who wake up for various wees/drinks/bad dreams and I can sense them before they even get to my room lol.

AIBU to be starting to get annoyed that he keeps saying this when it's obviously not true? I've gotten to the point where I feel like I need to spend the whole night awake to see for myself! If he was saying "DS woke up once" I'd be more inclined to accept it but DS sleeps in a cot right next to me - there's no way I wouldn't hear multiple times!

If he is lying - why would he do that? Is it possible he's dreaming he got up with him?!

OP posts:
JontyDoggle37 · 31/08/2019 16:19

Well what does he say when you say ‘no you didnt’?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/08/2019 16:21

Ask him to explain a bit more why he got up.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 16:22

@JontyDoggle37 So far I'm trying to be nice and I've said "I'm not beong rude but are you sure you weren't dreaming as I was awake between 00:00 and 03:00 and didn't hear a thing" - to which he got a bit arsey and replied no.

OP posts:
Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 16:23

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude What should I say?

OP posts:
LittleSweet · 31/08/2019 16:23

He could monitor his sleep with a sleep app.

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 31/08/2019 16:25

"so did I" like you say, and?!

Maybe he wants lo to go into their own room. We kept DC in with us until they were 10/11 months. It got to the stage that we all woke each other up.

31RueCambon75001 · 31/08/2019 16:25

martyr stakes

He wants you to appreciate him. Even if he hasn't done anything to feel appreciated for.

I doubt you would sleep through your 8 month old crying!! Mothers wake up more than fathers do. Fathers can sleep like babies next to an awake baby.

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 31/08/2019 16:26

Get a nanny cam Grin

CTRLALTDELETED · 31/08/2019 16:26

Well he’s obviously lying. Does he think you’re stupid? What a weird thing for him up do.

PullingMySocksUp · 31/08/2019 16:28

Can you try and think of a reason to film your landing/bedroom etc? There’s an app called Presence which will film a few seconds on your phone when it detects movement. You’d probably want to be transparent about it though.
Have you a pet you could wonder what they’re doing at night? Or want to find out what mysterious (fictitious) noise is waking you in the night? I dunno.
But if you could think of something then that would work.
You could do it by stealth, but if you got caught that would be terrible. Rightly so.

Jeezoh · 31/08/2019 16:29

I’d ask him to let you know when he does it as it’s not fair that he does all the “wakeups” and you want to take it in turns. I’d also ask for specifics of what time, what was your ds doing, what did your dh have to do to get him back to sleep etc, so you can try and work out why he’s suddenly waking more than normal Halo

PullingMySocksUp · 31/08/2019 16:30

Oh I know, get a video monitor in advance of him going in his own room and ‘try it out’ over his bed.

Jeezoh · 31/08/2019 16:31

Does he want your ds to move into his own room and this is a way of proving you’d all sleep better if your ds moved out?

DinoroarDinosaur · 31/08/2019 16:31

Maybe it's not the baby waking and crying that's waking your dh up but just that general noisy sleeping that babies do that's waking him.

I used to find that when both mine were little I could completely drown out the baby sleep noises and sleep myself but I would be up immediately when the baby started making waking noises. Where as my dh would be very bothered by the louder sleep noises yet wouldn't wake when the babies actually cried.

NewAccount270219 · 31/08/2019 16:33

doubt you would sleep through your 8 month old crying!! Mothers wake up more than fathers do. Fathers can sleep like babies next to an awake baby.

DH wakes up much more at DS's noises than I do - and that was true even when I was breastfeeding and so had all those hormones which they say make mothers more responsive. I'm just a much deeper sleeper than DH.

However I agree that if he 'had to get up' it seems very unlikely that you slept through it all. What does he even mean by 'had to get up' - maybe ask him this? What is he doing - giving DS a feed (this one is easily proved to be bollocks!), rocking him, walking around the house with him? Asking him this might force him to admit that he is either lying, dreaming or massively exaggerating (eg that DS made a small noise that briefly woke him but no one was getting out of bed)

TheTrollFairy · 31/08/2019 16:33

Get a sleep app recorder that picks up and records noise as you sleep.
No need to stay awake the whole night to check

Weezol · 31/08/2019 16:35

Pop a packet of Rich Tea in your bedside drawer/cabinet. Every time he says this, give him a biscuit, ruffle his hair and tell him he's 'a good boy! Aren't you a good boy?'.

DinoroarDinosaur · 31/08/2019 16:36

Also, whenever the baby made loud noises at night my dh would wake me to tell me that the baby was awake and needed milk. When I looked at the baby he would be fast asleep. Maybe your dh is trying to be a martyr and make you feel thankful/bad but maybe he's just very aware of every noise your baby makes and is making it sound more dramatic than it actually was, or is over-reacting to the sleeping baby noises.

Riv · 31/08/2019 16:45

Maybe you should agree to "take turns" so that he gets his fair share of sleep.... then wake him every time you have to get up to be certain there is proper turn taking going on.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 31/08/2019 16:47

That sounds really bloody irritating.
How about “Me too. Exhausting, isn’t it? Thank goodness we’re sharing the parenting load as equals”.
Plaudits are not available for parenting your own child - however much he thinks they should be.

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 16:53

I bet he’s telling friends and family he’s doing this, so they can pat him on the head and say what a good husband he is, while they think you’re a lucky (lazy) wife.

Iggly · 31/08/2019 16:55

How do you know he’s lying?

I would swap kids. Wear earplugs if you must.

Apolloanddaphne · 31/08/2019 16:56

Maybe it is possible you are sleeping more than you think? I only say that as I always thought I got no sleep and just cat napped. Then I got a Fitbit which monitors my sleep. I sleep much more than I thought I did. Maybe you are actually asleep and he does wake when your DC wakes.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 31/08/2019 17:01

My husband has always done this and it will be the reason he suddenly disappears and my new patio is finally laid.
Now that our children are mostly too old to wake us in the night, he moans about how terribly he slept and how he got almost no sleep all night. I know this isn't true because he punches me in his sleep (when he isn't snoring) so I genuinely get very little sleep.

Laiste · 31/08/2019 17:09

So he's saying he had to get up to DS several times in the night and you recon he's fibbing.

If i were you i would appear really concerned for DS and show anxiety about his recent sleeping patterns. Ask DH exactly what the problems were and make a big show of wracking your brains over how to solve them. Say you're going to start making a note of his waking times ect.

That should stop it. If it's a fib.