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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to make of my DH saying this every morning...

157 replies

SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 16:17

OK - this might sound weird so apologies in advance!

Every morning for the last two or three weeks, my DH has said "I'm tired, I had to get up with DS (8 months old) several times".

You're all thinking "And?"

DS is a great sleeper, as is DH - I on the other hand am not. I sleep like a cat. We have other DC's who wake up for various wees/drinks/bad dreams and I can sense them before they even get to my room lol.

AIBU to be starting to get annoyed that he keeps saying this when it's obviously not true? I've gotten to the point where I feel like I need to spend the whole night awake to see for myself! If he was saying "DS woke up once" I'd be more inclined to accept it but DS sleeps in a cot right next to me - there's no way I wouldn't hear multiple times!

If he is lying - why would he do that? Is it possible he's dreaming he got up with him?!

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 31/08/2019 17:10

"I'm tired, I had to get up with DS (8 months old) several times".

Does he say these actual words?
Or maybe "I'm tired, I was awake with DS (8 months old) several times". Which would fit with him just waking up a bit but not actually doing anything.

Anyway, I'd ask him what exactly he has to do when he's awake / up.

PotatoShape · 31/08/2019 17:37

Tell him to take a selfie in front of a clock every time, then he can prove it.

SeaSaltandLime · 31/08/2019 17:42

Is he just saying it because he just doesn't want to get up?
Do DC get up really early?

He could be angling for a lie in/to lounge in bed for a while, or laying the groundwork for a nap throughout the day?
He might be hoping that if he says 'I've been up with DC all night', you'll say 'oh I'll get up, you stay here'

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 17:56

You all make valid points. I need to know for sure though as its bothering me! I'm almost 99.9% sure I'm not sleeping through. I wake up for the other kids so why not one in my room? Also, a few nights I've been up until the small hours - within ear shot of DS and not heard a thing and when I've crept in like a mouse to go to bed he's been absolutely fast asleep.

DH is a heavy sleeper. Usually nothing wakes him.

Maybe he is angling for a lie in or some king of sympathy? I need to find out DH or my own sanity lol. I hate the idea of him telling folk that I'm a lazy mum and he's playing the dutiful parent all night every night!

Equally, if I am sleeping through - I'd rather be awake to help sort out DS.

I have spoken to my mum about it and she thinks it's highly unlikely that DS is waking often, as when I stay over at hers with the kids he sleeps through.

A definite chin scratcher!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 18:00

What would you even say if you found out he was making it up?! I'd be more weirded out than annoyed as its an odd lie!!

OP posts:
MitziK · 31/08/2019 18:00

My money's on him dreaming it.

DP frequently informs me he didn't sleep at all last night. Eventually, I pointed out that I'm surprised he decided to snore like a pig whilst wide awake between midnight and four fucking thirty five when I finally dozed off, rather than getting up and doing something less fucking annoying.

However, it could be that you sleep like the dead for short periods between waking, due to the frequent disturbances and he is genuinely getting up. Not as likely in my opinion, but it is vaguely possible - downloading a sleep app and letting it run overnight would eliminate the possibility of him being right.

SunshineCake · 31/08/2019 18:01

It's very simple. He's either dreaming or he's making it up. How embarrassing he needs a medal for doing nothing but wants his mummy-wife to think he has.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 18:03

@MitziK DH has said the same sort of thing to me in the past. He's also said "My stomach was playing up I was up at least four times" When I know he wasn't as I was actively awake!

OP posts:
Chunkers · 31/08/2019 18:04

I’m kinda joking here, but could you sprinkle talc at his side of the bed, then in the morning when he says this you can check if there are any footprints?

LatteLove · 31/08/2019 18:11

I think it sounds like he could be dreaming it too.

Weird q but does he take anti depressants? I used to get really vivid dreams on them that seemed so real, there were times I’d start telling people x y and z happened before realising it hadn’t and I’d just dreamt it!

Nautiloid · 31/08/2019 18:14

I think he's lying. Your point about the stomach upset has just about clinched it for me.
I think for whatever reason he's feeling shit at the moment and wants sympathy/an excuse to do less/an explanation for doing less/to portray himself as the poor hard done by person.
I don't know which.
Mind you, my mother has done this for years, so I could be biased, but it works exactly as you describe with sleeping problems/illnesses etc.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 18:15

@LatteLove No, he doesn't. I take beta blockers so I know about how weird dreams can get 😂.

@Chunkers Lol @ talc Grin

OP posts:
HeffaLump1 · 31/08/2019 18:15

I think Chunkers idea is genius!

MollyButton · 31/08/2019 18:21

What I would suggest is you download SnoreLab or a similar snore training app on your phone, and put your phone next to your bed and run the app over night. It basically records when there is sound, and it measures how loud the sound is.

It will prove if he has been getting up all night and you are sleeping through, or if he is imagining things or just not telling the truth.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 31/08/2019 18:26

i'll come and visit, one of my superpowers is knowing if people are sleeping or pretending

He must be imagining it, but he's a fool to try and claim credit for baby night wakings

Can you sneak out to another room with the baby and then back in so when he said how many times he was woken you can wonder aloud ...."how ever was that possible considering me and the baby were in the Hotel Astoria spare room and have been since wednesday!"

UnderperformingSeal · 31/08/2019 18:31

Or, instead of talc, some Lego...

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 18:35

@UnderperformingSeal Grin

OP posts:
NewAccount270219 · 31/08/2019 18:44

Maybe it is possible you are sleeping more than you think? I only say that as I always thought I got no sleep and just cat napped.

I once read an article where a doctor who worked in a sleep lab said that almost all the insomniacs he had ever seen slept more than they thought they did. They all slept a lot less than normal or ideal, but their self-reported figures were basically impossible to survive on and, indeed, in the lab they slept a lot longer than they thought they had. Apparently about half of them felt a bit better just for being told this, and the other half were furious!

MidweekObscurity · 31/08/2019 18:51

What is he saying he's doing to settle DS?

R44Me · 31/08/2019 18:53

Well you could just do something odd like put a dinnerplate or ?? Rugby ball at the end of DSs cot and surely the first thing he will ask in the morning is why did DS have a whatever in his cot.
Could be fun.

Guiltypleasures001 · 31/08/2019 18:59

Sounds like he's looking for attention from you op, if you have a few children maybe he's feeling pushed out ( clutches at straws) Grin

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 19:04

@MidweekObscurity He's not, he hasn't said "I fed him" or "I changed him" etc

@NewAccount270219 That's interesting

I downloaded snore lab for tonight!

OP posts:
Lunafortheloveogod · 31/08/2019 19:05

Mine done this.. it’s a manufacturing fault I’m convinced Grin.

He claimed he’d barely slept in weeks n would need to sleep in the spare room, he fell asleep before me as usual (I’m always first up and last down) I lifted DS and coslept with him, so literally any movement or noise would indefinitely wake me.. or he’d need to move me a bit to get ds out properly.. ds slept all night besides dropping dummy, which I checked dp was out cold (I held my hand above his face so I’d definitely get a wtf reaction) and in the morning I put ds back in his cot.. would you believe he’d been up half the night with him.

He’s always got to out tired me, I don’t get why it’s a contest we can both be tired. Only suggestion was possibly that some family visitors would let me nap if I wanted to while they entertained ds in the newborn days, obviously he worked or stayed with the guests so didn’t get the luxury.

WanderingMind · 31/08/2019 19:21

@UnderperformingSeal
Grin great idea about the Lego!

Set up a motion detector nanny cam so you've got filmed evidence of his nocturnal childcare. I mean, it'll be going off at least 8 times in the night every time he has to see to ds, won't it!

MidweekObscurity · 31/08/2019 19:26

Hope the App settles it

My husband thinks he gets a lot less sleep than he does. It's probably poor quality and also I've had conversations with him when he's not actually awake.

Once he believed he was a Doctor, and got all shitty with me as he'd "already told me on rounds earlier" when I'd asked something. As he said it, he came too properly and put it down to watching Scrubs before falling asleep.