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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to make of my DH saying this every morning...

157 replies

SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 16:17

OK - this might sound weird so apologies in advance!

Every morning for the last two or three weeks, my DH has said "I'm tired, I had to get up with DS (8 months old) several times".

You're all thinking "And?"

DS is a great sleeper, as is DH - I on the other hand am not. I sleep like a cat. We have other DC's who wake up for various wees/drinks/bad dreams and I can sense them before they even get to my room lol.

AIBU to be starting to get annoyed that he keeps saying this when it's obviously not true? I've gotten to the point where I feel like I need to spend the whole night awake to see for myself! If he was saying "DS woke up once" I'd be more inclined to accept it but DS sleeps in a cot right next to me - there's no way I wouldn't hear multiple times!

If he is lying - why would he do that? Is it possible he's dreaming he got up with him?!

OP posts:
3luckystars · 01/09/2019 22:41

He is looking for a bj

Or a 'sympathy shag' as my friend calls it.

Liars don't get those.

You have to catch him out. Good luck.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 01/09/2019 22:44

@user1573624 I was like "Oh my God! It could record snowing?!" lol.

@Bluntness100 My DH is one of those "I wasn't asleep" and it always baffles me! I'm always aware of waking up. I can actually even rationalise in my dreams that I'm dreaming - literally saying to myself "no need to panic as I'm dreaming" I also suffer with episodes of sleep paralysis so I'm fairly in tune with what's going on with me sleep wise.

OP posts:
Soreo · 01/09/2019 23:35

I'm so confused! Why don't you just ask him?! Like keep probing until he tells you? Why are people suggesting such outlandish covert operations?!

Its weird that he's potentially lying but weirder that you can't just have a straight conversation about it? Perhaps I've missed a page on this thread or something...

YesQueen · 01/09/2019 23:50

Weirdly my dad apparently never used to remember getting up with me as a baby. He used to say to my mum "oh she slept the whole night, I feel great"
My mum HmmConfused "er no, you got up twice to change a nappy and brought her to me for a feed"
Dad "oh. I don't remember"

But then he also slept through the house being burgled, the burglar alarm, the police arriving and when he eventually woke up he tried to smack the alarm clock off no dad, it's the burglar alarm

Kate0902900908 · 02/09/2019 00:34

Put an empty toilet roll tube behind the door just enough so you can open it to see if it's moved.

If he is going in- in the night the tube will have moved if not wait until he tells you and say to him ( if the tube hasn't moved ) I put something at the door to make sure one of the other kids wasn't disturbing the baby and it hasn't moved so your dreaming or lying?

PalmersGreen · 02/09/2019 00:37

Are you awake op? Has the app shown anything?

Original poster
SillySallySue · 02/09/2019 01:04

@PalmersGreen I'm still awake - nothing yet lol

OP posts:
tolerable · 02/09/2019 01:25

why would he lie? if he believes he has got up,and its c.o dreamagining it-hes not actually lie /its not factual tho.you could tell him your distressed you AREnt hearing ds during the night and so could he give you a nudge,because you feel bad hes sooo tired... if you make it you that's "at fault" he might agree to that?

Imfinallyhappy1 · 02/09/2019 01:26

I’m so intrigued. My dh used to do this too x

Original poster
SillySallySue · 02/09/2019 01:31

@tolerable why does anyone lie? That's not me trying to be bitch, it's an honest question - people do lie all the time and sometimes about really odd things.

All I can say is that DS has been in bed for several hours now and not a peep has been heard. I have been awake the whole time.

OP posts:
Hardrainsgonnafall · 02/09/2019 01:32

why would he lie?

If it’s a lie rather than dreaming or hallucinating or something, it could be competitive tiredness. DH did this even though I was pumping milk every four hours through the night and day to try and increase my production. The pump made a noise so I’d use it in another room and then go and red baby with it straight away if needed (problems latching at first). DH would sleep through it all and then announce when I finally got back into bed that he’d been awake with baby. He hadn’t. He just wanted to be the tiredest so he lied.

3luckystars · 02/09/2019 01:34

You have to stay awake all night.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/09/2019 01:36

This is his way of telling you he doesn't want DS in your room any more. My husband did similar, it eventually turned into him saying he was being by any tiny sound/movement from our baby and he jumped on it when I hesitantly started talking about moving the baby out.

tolerable · 02/09/2019 01:38

I sleep like i'm dead...ds1 made zero difference to that feature so his dad always had to wake me..(cos bf).would wake medo night nappy change and appear with t n toast..admittedly I was a lot older when had ds2,found waking easier possibly cos his dad was..best left sleeping.he required very little sleep anyway and even if he woke up after an hour and a half,leapt outta bed as if fully refreshed and "infected"baby with his hyper state(ok,hyper is a bit exaggerate-but defo not in line with resettling...there was a no win situation tho...as he snored,not normal growling snore,a wee bit on the end intake breath-was like he held it,then went "poo". ...ive never felt more inclined to throttle someone in my life....am not a person to feel jealousy..but sleep envy was a real thing.

JudgyPantsAndAMartyrBra · 02/09/2019 02:32

I've known one men lie about being up with baby during the night and in one case it was to get out of being asked to pull their weight with the kids when they got home from work, he soon stopped when it didn't work.

Kiwiinkits · 02/09/2019 02:38

Fit bits are not that accurate. Mine thinks I’m asleep when I’m sitting upright on the couch reading my phone in the middle of the night. (Hormonal insomnia)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/09/2019 02:43

Maybe it's YOU waking DH up! Grin

No, I don't know - it seems highly unlikely that you'd miss your DS waking up, especially if he's right next to you, and it seems even more unlikely that your DH would actually get up to him without waking you, either deliberately or accidentally.

The sleep app recorder thingy is a good plan, but so is a nanny cam, as that will show any movement activity as well.

I'd go with either he's lying because he's had a bad sleep and is trying to justify it, or he's dreaming the disturbances.

My DH has "episodes", especially when he's more tired than usual, which can take him a while to come round from. He once woke me up saying he'd lost the baby, where was he, and was looking in corners of the bedroom and in the bed - child was sleeping safely in his own bed.
Another time he thought I was a burglar!
So that's another possibility.

Hope you get to the bottom of it!

justilou1 · 02/09/2019 03:07

If you catch him out lying, OP, he has to wear the cone of shame for a week.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 02/09/2019 03:24

I'm actually still awake lol. DH still fast asleep - as is DS.

OP posts:
seeleym · 02/09/2019 04:32

How strange

Fowles94 · 02/09/2019 07:44

Read the thread and have you considered you sleep better than you do?
Either way parenting isn't a competition of who does more. I can't see why you are so strung up about this. If I was your husband and found out about this thread I'd be concerned that you are so obsessive.

Wallyandasnog · 02/09/2019 08:05

Why were you still awake today at 3.24? Is that a regular thing? I'd see if i could get help from docs as that little sleep is not good for you. (And you definitely win who is most tired) I don't know why your husband is lying.... maybe he is dreaming it?? When my husband is stressed or over tired he 'wakes' up in the early hours gets dressed and ready for work. Now days I give him a nudge and tell him it's only 3 in the morning and he comes back to bed. Before we were together he had been known to arrive at work finally work out what had happened and sleep in the car.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 02/09/2019 08:19

@Fowles94 Wouldn't you be concerned if your husband started lying randomly about something so odd?

@Wallyandasnog I'm not a great sleeper but I have my period at the minute so I'm more restless then.

I think I have officially busted him though - I nodded off eventually at around 4am - I turned over a couple of times and rember seeing DH lying the the same spot as when he got in. When we woke up I asked him how he slept. He gave a bit of a pause and said "DS woke me up a few times". I thought OK bullshit! - I left it until we got downstairs and I was doing the kids breakfast and jovially mocked myself saying "You should have seen me trying to sleep last night, I was tossing and turning like nobody's business" to which DH says "Oh. I was well gone. I think I slept right through" ShockHmmConfused

So now I'm calling bullshit - if he was dreaming he'd have still maintained that he got up! To those who are asking why I am so bothered - I genuinely don't sleep well and I HAVE been the one parent that's gotten up to feed/change babies and he's always slept through - snoring as he does it lol. So yeah, I do find it quite annoying that for whatever reason he's obviously trying to make me feel inadequate/sorry for him!!

OP posts:
Wallyandasnog · 02/09/2019 08:38

Busted!!!
Did you call him out?

Needtoworkhelp · 02/09/2019 08:39

Just say to him. Why are you lying about waking up with Ds?

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