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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to make of my DH saying this every morning...

157 replies

SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 16:17

OK - this might sound weird so apologies in advance!

Every morning for the last two or three weeks, my DH has said "I'm tired, I had to get up with DS (8 months old) several times".

You're all thinking "And?"

DS is a great sleeper, as is DH - I on the other hand am not. I sleep like a cat. We have other DC's who wake up for various wees/drinks/bad dreams and I can sense them before they even get to my room lol.

AIBU to be starting to get annoyed that he keeps saying this when it's obviously not true? I've gotten to the point where I feel like I need to spend the whole night awake to see for myself! If he was saying "DS woke up once" I'd be more inclined to accept it but DS sleeps in a cot right next to me - there's no way I wouldn't hear multiple times!

If he is lying - why would he do that? Is it possible he's dreaming he got up with him?!

OP posts:
fern44 · 31/08/2019 19:27

Do you think hes doing it so next time the baby goes through a time where they get up a bit more in the night, he can say it's your turn I always do it?

KUGA · 31/08/2019 19:28

An easy but fun answer would be I know I was with you at the time.
Be interesting to hear what he says to that.

Nautiloid · 31/08/2019 19:29

I think if you have a spare room or a room you can use I would wait until he is asleep, take DS and go sleep in there, and see what he says in the morning.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 19:33

@KUGA I probably need to find out for definite what's going on first as if he is genuine he'd be freaking out lol

OP posts:
InvernessAdventure · 31/08/2019 19:42

I think what he's really saying is, 'I think it's time DS slept in his own room.'

And probably what he's really really saying is, 'I want more sex.'

Anyonebut · 31/08/2019 19:46

You know him best, but with kids you can easily develop selective waking, i. e., you only wake for the child /children you are responsible for. Definitely a thing in my case.

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/08/2019 19:50

I once recorded OH all night to settled a dispute..

Sound recorder app on phone, doesn't stop the screen saver coming on and doesnt look as if anything is running should someone pick it up.

He was claiming he didn't snore. I claimed he snored so loud he choked, multiple times.

Turned out I was right, and he now has a CPAP machine.

Record the sounds in your room at night :)

NorthEndGal · 31/08/2019 19:59

I'd totally have to go with a nanny can, and hopefully you both can laugh about it later.

KUGA · 31/08/2019 20:14

Even better SSS.
Why not put sellotape on the door and frame.
If its been disturbed hes telling the truth.

Myriade · 31/08/2019 20:26

Yep I ould tell him yu sre ralloy cncerned that he has to get up several times each night but you arent aware about it.
So to heck whats gpoing on with you, you want to record the night (see all the methods proposed).
Basically cath him up at his own game.
And if it turns out he sleeps all night but is adamant he isnt, then I would insist he sees the GP as clearly ts something serious.

I suspect at some point, he'll have to back down from his story before it snowballs out of control and he really looks like a dick in front of everyone.

kaytee87 · 31/08/2019 20:33

That's bizarre. I'd have to record to find out for sure.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 31/08/2019 20:34

I dont think 'mothers wake up more than fathers'. I think whoever knows they are responsible for the baby wakes up and because on mumsnet a lot of men claim not to hear, then the mum is on high alert.

My husband never woke up when I was breastfeeding. Now he is in charge of nights, I sometimes dont hear crying and he always wakes first. Its like your subconscious knows if you're responsible for other people or not

letsjog · 31/08/2019 20:35

Please set up some sort of booby trap/talc/random item in DSs cot and wait it out in the morning to see if he starts talking about it again.

But make sure he commits to if he actually got up to change him/feed him/soothe him or if he's just claiming that he just wakes with the noise DS makes.

Butterymuffin · 31/08/2019 20:41

I want to see what the Snore Lab app shows now!

Freddiefox · 31/08/2019 20:47

Buy him a Fitbit for Christmas and track his sleep

BalloonSlayer · 31/08/2019 21:41

When I was breastfeeding newborn and commented how tired I was, DH always claimed to be "just as tired as he woke up too." He shut up when I expressed my intention to contact The Lancet about the medical phenomenon of the man who snored loudly whilst "wide awake" every night, as witnessed by my knackered self who actually was wide awake while I did the night feeds given that I was too scared to let myself even doze in case I damaged the baby.

Weezol · 31/08/2019 22:30

I'm looking forward to the app results.

I wish apps had been a thing when I was married to a warthog. 'I haven't slept all night' actually meant 'my foot got cold at 3am so I had to put under the duvet' all the while giving Motorhead's sound rig a run for its money for eight hours solid.

Whilst the talc/Lego/random object plans are evil genius, they run the risk of him waking you up with his screams of pain (Lego) or just a general yelp of surprise (talc/random object) if he does indeed actually get up.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 23:08

Am I mean because I'm tempted by the whole booby trap idea? Grin

I'm actually at my Mum's she's hurt her back bless her but I'm going to set the app going to record me/other sounds.

OP posts:
PullingMySocksUp · 01/09/2019 16:15

So as a test run? How did it go?

Original poster
SillySallySue · 01/09/2019 17:30

@PullingMySocksUp DH ended up keeping DS at home and when I asked how he'd slept he said "Good, didn't wake up once" - The one night I'm not there! Hmm Definitely setting up surveillance tonight lol. Seems really odd!!

OP posts:
FelixFelicis6 · 01/09/2019 17:42

Hmmm sounds suspicious!

Lillyringlet · 01/09/2019 18:17

I'm going to go with dreaming.

My husband kept telling me the same thing. He would claim he was up at 3am and 4am. How I was asleep through the night.

My friend had a baby and we started to talk if we were awake feeding. He comes out with "I didn't get any sleep and you were snoring through the night." "nope I was awake from 2am till 4am." "you were dreaming! I was awake then" "funny as I must have been dream messaging my friend then"

He now believes me when I tell him no you aren't awake. You were just very vividly dreaming again.

FelicisNox · 01/09/2019 18:25

He's clearly not being honest, the question is why?

I agree with asking him to be specific about what he is doing, what he wants from you and I would definitely tell him that you are seriously considering recording the night time activities because his claims make zero sense.

You could dress it up as concern for his wellbeing but I'm not a fan of game playing, it never ends well.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/09/2019 18:44

"What would you even say if you found out he was making it up?! I'd be more weirded out than annoyed as its an odd lie!!"
I'm much more inclined to think he's dreamed it than made it up. If your son's sleeping is on his mind as he nods off, it could well find it's way into his dreams.

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 01/09/2019 18:54

I was going to suggest snorelab, because I have it to record my DH. If you pay for the full version, you can record the whole nights sound from start to finish. So you’ll soon know what’s going on.

I wonder if he is dreaming or sleep walking perhaps? Good luck with the SnoreLab. Hope you get to the the bottom of it.