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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to make of my DH saying this every morning...

157 replies

SillySallySue · 31/08/2019 16:17

OK - this might sound weird so apologies in advance!

Every morning for the last two or three weeks, my DH has said "I'm tired, I had to get up with DS (8 months old) several times".

You're all thinking "And?"

DS is a great sleeper, as is DH - I on the other hand am not. I sleep like a cat. We have other DC's who wake up for various wees/drinks/bad dreams and I can sense them before they even get to my room lol.

AIBU to be starting to get annoyed that he keeps saying this when it's obviously not true? I've gotten to the point where I feel like I need to spend the whole night awake to see for myself! If he was saying "DS woke up once" I'd be more inclined to accept it but DS sleeps in a cot right next to me - there's no way I wouldn't hear multiple times!

If he is lying - why would he do that? Is it possible he's dreaming he got up with him?!

OP posts:
Raphael34 · 01/09/2019 19:24

If he’s claiming he’s got up and changed him, before you put the baby to bed, make a small mark/dot on the inside of the baby’s nappy. Then you can check the next morning if he’s been changed or not

cauliflowersqueeze · 01/09/2019 19:28

I agree with a PP. Agree with him how exhausting it was. Ask him how many times he got up. Whatever he says, tell him you did 3 x that amount.
So if he says “well I was up 4 times with x” say “I hear you. I was up 12 times. Knackering isn’t it?!” Just laugh along, tripling whatever he says.

Original poster
SillySallySue · 01/09/2019 19:56

@cauliflowersqueeze "IWAS AWAKE THE WHOLE NIGHT" 😂

@Raphael34 Definitely no nappies bring changed as I count how many are left (I buy small bags - not just ocd lol)

@MyHeartIsInCornwall You aren't usually aware of sleep walking are you??

OP posts:
cauliflowersqueeze · 01/09/2019 19:58

Tell him you were awake the whole night plus the last two, all night.

Whatever he says multiply by three.

blahblahblahblahhh · 01/09/2019 19:59

Why not put baby in their own room now? It's easy to disturb each other with them in the room.

PinkP65 · 01/09/2019 20:11

"Darling.... I have been up the past 5 nights waiting for our little one to wake up so I can take him, just so you don't have to wake up. I am so sorry you are tired! So, I am going to need a sleep-in and a nap every afternoon to catch up on sleep. I know you don't mind. You know, we can take turns every night. If baby wakes up, I will take baby, next night, you will, so our sleep gets back on track. Can I help you with any other things after I get up if you have to sleep in? I am so shocked baby has been waking up all night each night! Maybe I will take baby to the doctor. Do you think I should?"

Chances are he is attention seeking... and wants you to know he is doing his best and is adding stories in so you think he is doing the same things you are. It is a common thing. My child's father did the same thing, exactly.

Years later I told him I knew. He fell silent LOL and grinned. He said he wanted to be there too. I told him I always thought he was there, and had never had complaint or issue. He did not know I thought he was doing a wonderful job as a new daddy. He hugged me.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 01/09/2019 20:19

😄😄

IAmTheMumWhoKnocks · 01/09/2019 21:01

Shamelessly placemarking as my and my partner think he is lying

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2019 21:09

I suspect you're sleeping more than you think. This is really common. It's the most likely explanation as that would be a silly weird pointless lie from him. And he's said he slept through last night. He could easily have lied again.

People often think they are not sleeping when they are. It's weird. Many times I've told my husband to stop snoring and he's responded he wasn't as he wasn't asleep. And he was clearly snoring his head off. It's a weird thing. You're likely more attuned to the other kids as you've been dealing with them longer.

Iwanttobeagranny · 01/09/2019 21:10

Booby trap the floor...a light sprinkling of talc and then you’ll be able to see if he’s been up?

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2019 21:14

Sorry I'd also say it's likely he's exaggerating how much he's up as well for the sympathy vote. So for me likely it's both of you, you're sleeping more than you think and he's up, but less than he says.

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 01/09/2019 21:17

I agree with those that say to get him to wear a fitbit.

It will show when he's awake , in deep sleep, light sleep, REM sleep and will also record any steps (so if he gets up to tens to the baby then this will be recorded).

I think he's dreaming it though

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 01/09/2019 21:17
  • tend to the baby
vdbfamily · 01/09/2019 21:26

when I review snore lab I can hear birds singing and other noises so should record any interactions with DH and baby

Winterlife · 01/09/2019 21:27

Is this the hill you want to die on?

cacklingmags · 01/09/2019 21:28

This guy is a lying twat. You should not have to spy on your lying partner when you have a small child to care for. Tell him you know he is a lying twat and that he had better become a better parent.

NewAccount270219 · 01/09/2019 21:32

A Fitbit isn't 100% accurate. To my very great annoyance it always recorded me breastfeeding lying down as light sleep, which for some reason (in my sleep deprived irrational state) felt like a total slap in the face!

user1573624 · 01/09/2019 21:38

This is odd. I'd be worried he was lying and using it as an excuse to be lazy whilst coming off the superior parent. It's reminded me, one of the first apps I got on a smart phone 8 years ago, was one that tracks sleep talking. When your phone detects noise, it starts recording. It works, I recorded the odd sleep talking, episodes of snowing and even loud farts. I strongly recommend you finding one of these, and don't tell him after the first time. Really collect the evidence and then present it to him. You never know, he may be telling the truth.

user1573624 · 01/09/2019 21:39

Snoring not snowing Confused.

pollymere · 01/09/2019 22:01

A fitbit records movement and being awake. If you suspect sleep walking or him lying then get him to wear it so you can see his sleep and steps at night.

justilou1 · 01/09/2019 22:14

@Weezol - You are a husband-training genius! If that worked on snoring, I would have totally done this years ago!

Love the Lego idea!

I suspect he's just being a martyr to babyhood so that he can get a sleep-in on the weekend and play the old "Poor, tired, daddy who wakes every night and works during the week."

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 01/09/2019 22:22

@SillySallySue Most don’t but some do. I used to when I was a child. Particularly if I needed the toilet when it was happening and then I would dream over and over the same thing that had happened when I’d sleep walked. I used to be tired on those nights because it happens when you’re going from a light sleep state to a deep one. I’d say it’s more likely your son is dreaming or as others have said just making a story up to get extra time in bed 😆 As you said, you would wake even at the sound of him getting out of bed, let alone being stood right next to you. Did the snorelab app help?

ReanimatedSGB · 01/09/2019 22:28

Ask him what he thinks should be done about it. Does he want DS to sleep in another room, does he want lots of fussing and praise, is he worried that something is wrong with DS that makes him keep waking up? Because he is complaining, therefore there is a problem that needs a solution, so tell him that the pair of you need to come up with a solution.

(If he is just whining for the sake of whining, this will also shut him up.)

MarcieElizabeth · 01/09/2019 22:32

Just tell him you were awake all night and that you know he didn’t

Weezol · 01/09/2019 22:32

justilou1 He just doesn't sound ready for a clicker yet.