Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

an adult woman called my 9 yr old a 'wierdo' waiting outside the girls toilets....

286 replies

staydazzling · 31/08/2019 14:14

he was waiting for me, Sad he said he waiting for his mum, a apparently she didn't respond and walked in, im so proud of ds for sticking up for himself. but im so sad i I wasn't there, to protect him, he was confused when he told me, he is too young to understand the implication, someday he will be that devastates me. yes he is tall for his age, he is nearly 5 ft, but still, he clearly has a childs face, so at a push could be mistaken for 12, apparently she was with her teen daughter. which for some reason makes me feel he would have been more embarrassed. are we really at a point?? where a 4"10 boy, with shaggy hair, wearing a reverse sequin marvel tshirt. cant wait outside public loos for his mum without being labelled a "wierdo" hes not even old enough to understand SadAngry not sure what im asking im just heartbroken, what a world we live in Sad. hes been bery withdrawn and quiet since.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 21:26
tigger001 · 31/08/2019 21:26

DH told DS she was clearly a most stupid woman to be totally ignored.

I think this is the best way to deal with it. There will always be stupid people who engage their mouths before their brain, but equipping our children in how to try and best deal with these people is best.

What a horrible woman to say such a thing to a young child. Probably she knew there would be no comeback, so she could do as she pleases, plain nasty,

Blakes77 · 31/08/2019 21:33

Well yes helpmeiamatoad
Frankly, and I say this as a survivor of domestic abuse, a woman who is very gender critical and thinks women only spaces are important: Implying that a 9 year old child is intimidating ANYONE is making an absolute mockery of actual abuse of women and girls.
And justifying comments of a silly woman who said a child was a "weirdo" for waiting for his mum makes you seem like a victim blaming nutter.

RottnestFerry · 31/08/2019 21:37

@RottnestFerry, you are vile.

I'm really not.

The misogyny is just dripping out of you, isn’t it, RottnestFerry? It’s very obvious you don’t care how any woman or girl feels. As for you not standing directly outside the door, that’s not the impression you first gave.

Huh? I'm afraid that I can't be held responsible for your own lurid imagination.

SummerHouse · 31/08/2019 21:49

You seem pretty grim to me rottnest but that's your cross to bear.

Okurrrrrrrr · 31/08/2019 21:50

I still take ds’ 9 and 12 in with me

TWELVE!! FFS that is obscene. Is he not mortified??? Hmm

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 31/08/2019 21:51

I’m with you @helpmeiamatoad

At that age most are still getting dressed together at school and using the same toilets

RottnestFerry · 31/08/2019 21:51

You seem pretty grim to me rottnest but that's your cross to bear.

Believe me, it's not a burden.

funinthesun19 · 31/08/2019 21:57

I can’t believe this thread actually has so many comments. That suggests there has been a debate somewhere in the thread, and some people actually agree with this batshit woman.

Boys that age can’t do right for doing wrong. Go in with mum, pervert. Wait outside for mum, pervert.

HmmBiscuit x1000000 for the people who would have an issue with a boy waiting outside for his mum.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 22:09

“ some people actually agree with this batshit woman”

Nope. Absolutely nobody does that.

funinthesun19 · 31/08/2019 22:15

Oh thank goodness.

Original poster
staydazzling · 31/08/2019 22:24

some of the replies make me sad Sad i feel like the world is so invested in demonising children. the yeh but, no but, yeh but comments are disheartening.

OP posts:
Original poster
staydazzling · 31/08/2019 22:25

im glad the vast majority do not, thanks for allowing me to vent

OP posts:
Ididit2019 · 31/08/2019 22:35

What a vile woman. And I don't think you are overreacting op, your child was hurt by such a nasty uncalled for comment. I hope she gets a dose of her medicine from someone who is on par to her, nasty piece of work.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 31/08/2019 22:45

funinthesun

Ive read the first and last page

Usually that helps me to decide whether to read the rest but im a bit scared!!

staydazzling from your OP i am very sorry that women was so mean to your son, I’d be furious

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 31/08/2019 22:57

Skimmed it...my view remains the same

LaVieilleHarpie · 31/08/2019 23:00

If you're intimidated by a 9 year old boy, I'm afraid you are beyond feminism's help and should probably go to therapy.

FurnitureAndBackgammon · 01/09/2019 00:33

i feel like the world is so invested in demonising children.

Not children, boys. Well mn is anyway. All boys are potential rapists and all girls are precious little snowflakes that shouldn't go near the naughty, nasty boys. Thank god people in real life aren't like that, apart from the bonkers woman in the OP Confused

perfectstorm · 01/09/2019 01:30

Your poor son, OP. The woman was awful and I'm so sorry he had to cope with that.

bengalcat · 01/09/2019 07:33

There’s only one weirdo in this and that’s the lady OP

Moo5ele55 · 01/09/2019 07:45

It’s appalling.

I’m a bit Confused by all the outside of loos now being all female space too in parts of the country. Where I live where there are very few public loos now there are benches outside loos and male/ female wait for both genders. Same in motorway services. No benches but areas both genders milk around waiting.

Are there supposed to be exclusion zones now round public loos in other parts of the UK?ConfusedThey’ll be demanding paint drawn lines soon.

This country is going nuts

Moo5ele55 · 01/09/2019 07:45

Mill

BertrandRussell · 01/09/2019 07:55
  1. The woman was obviously completely in the wrong and horrible. There is no question about this.
  1. Girls have the right to expect women’s loos to be a woman only space. Not because all men/boys are potentially rapists or are intimidating, but because they have the right to privacy. The right not to be made uncomfortable or be embarrassed. So boys and men waiting outside women’s loos should not stand in the doorway or peer in. They should stand a couple of steps away. Just as a woman or girl waiting outside a men’s loo should. This is just one of the very many courtesies and considerations we teach our children on a daily basis. For all I know, the OP’s son knows this already, in which case the woman was even more batshit. But it’s something we need to talk about with our kids. Just like I remember explaining to my ds why he shouldn’t stand too close to the person in front of him at a cash machine.
  1. Girls should not be taught that they have to make way for boys. This happens so often in life- girls are expected to take responsibility for boy’s behaviour. Women do it all the time- you only have to read Mumsnet for 5 minutes to see “oh well, that’s what men are like- maybe you could [suggested modified behaviour] and see if that helps”. The poster who takes her 12 year old ds into the women’s loo is a case in point. She herself says “It’s not ideal” but continues to expect girls to put up with it.
Moo5ele55 · 01/09/2019 08:04

None of that is relevant here so why are you bringing it up?

And sorry but I have stood outside the men’s and called/ peered in. When my dss were younger and hadn’t come out for ages it was necessary to check if they’re ok and hadn’t wandered off.

There is a bracket when boys/ girls are too old to go in with mum/ dad but not yet old enough to be self responsible in busy cities. Child safety trumps anything else I’m afraid.A bit of empathy wouldn’t go amiss. The mum did the best she could, the kid didn’t go in but still you have to bang on about girls budging up.

Ohflippineck · 01/09/2019 08:49

HeadintheiClouds
Well, I haven’t experienced it directly myself, Ohflippingeck, but read Codenameduchess’s post at 17.17 for a (fairly credible, unfortunately) possible issue.“

No, still not getting it. What has that got to do with a possibly anxious 9 year old waiting outside for his mum?
We use motorway services, for example, regularly. They’re big, quite scary places for kids and I regularly see many children of both sexes hanging about near loo doorways for their parents. Are they all weirdos? The person with the issue in OPs situation is the woman suggesting a little boy waiting for his mum was somehow up to no good. A salacious thought wouldn’t have entered my son or daughters head when they were 9 - because they were children.
This is all getting rather silly. In 2 museums recently with unisex individual cubicles and a larger, family cubicle. Seems the most sensible way to go.