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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

an adult woman called my 9 yr old a 'wierdo' waiting outside the girls toilets....

286 replies

staydazzling · 31/08/2019 14:14

he was waiting for me, Sad he said he waiting for his mum, a apparently she didn't respond and walked in, im so proud of ds for sticking up for himself. but im so sad i I wasn't there, to protect him, he was confused when he told me, he is too young to understand the implication, someday he will be that devastates me. yes he is tall for his age, he is nearly 5 ft, but still, he clearly has a childs face, so at a push could be mistaken for 12, apparently she was with her teen daughter. which for some reason makes me feel he would have been more embarrassed. are we really at a point?? where a 4"10 boy, with shaggy hair, wearing a reverse sequin marvel tshirt. cant wait outside public loos for his mum without being labelled a "wierdo" hes not even old enough to understand SadAngry not sure what im asking im just heartbroken, what a world we live in Sad. hes been bery withdrawn and quiet since.

OP posts:
Blakes77 · 31/08/2019 20:06

That wasn't very nice. My son would have been upset by that at 9. I'm all for single sex toilets (very anti unisex) but fgs- a young CHILD waiting for his mum is not fucking well intimidating to anyone. No, not even other children!
My son would have been a bit anxious at that age and might well have "peered in" to see if I was coming out. Omg put him on a fucking list.
Sorry that happened OP. Just tell him the woman was being daft, and rude, and move on.

HeadintheiClouds · 31/08/2019 20:06

That kind of begs the question why someone would block the doorway to an all female space! The doorway being neutral ground is a real stretch.

lovemenorca · 31/08/2019 20:11

Blocking the door, not blocking the door
Peering ok to the toilets, not peering in to the toilets
Messing around with the door, not messing around with the door

All irrelevant. She should not have called a child a weirdo

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 20:14

“And can people stop suggesting that he was peering in to look at women in the loo, why assume that??“
I don’t think anyone is suggesting that. I think people are suggesting that girls might well be made to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed by the presence of a boy in an all female space, and that it is very easy to take measures to make sure that doesn’t happen. No big deal. Just one of the many lessons in courtesy and consideration we teach our children every day.

Blakes77 · 31/08/2019 20:17

He's 9! Confused

missyB1 · 31/08/2019 20:18

He wasn’t in an all female space! He was outside the toilets!

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 20:18

Yes- he’s 9. And so are nabynof the girls using the loo.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 20:20

“He wasn’t in an all female space! He was outside the toilets!”

As I have said before - there is only an issue if he was very close to the doorway or peering in. If he wasn’t- not problem. If he was, just make sure he knows not to next time. No big deal.

missyB1 · 31/08/2019 20:26

The only thing to make sure of is that he doesn’t feel intimidated at waiting outside the female toilets for his mam, despite what nasty passing adults might say.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 20:27

Fair enough. I like to educate my children to be courteous and considerate. But each to their own.

missyB1 · 31/08/2019 20:45

Excellent Bertrand, they will be well able to say “excuse me” then. Always very useful.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 20:47

“Excellent Bertrand, they will be well able to say “excuse me” then.“

So much better if there’s no need.....

Blakes77 · 31/08/2019 20:52

Yes- he’s 9. And so are nabynof the girls using the loo.
And?
At that age children still get changed for PE in the same room. Are you seriously suggesting a female 9 year old child would be intimidated by a male 9 year old child standing near the door of a female public toilet? That's pretty warped tbh.

Freddiefox · 31/08/2019 20:53

So much better if there’s no need..... what about if there was need... what would you expect them to be?

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 20:56

Not intimidated. Made embarrassed and uncomfortable. AND encouraged to believe that she has to budge up to make room for boys. Which is not a lesson I think girls should be taught.

It is no inconvenience at all to a boy to wait a few steps away from the door of the women’s loo.

Freddiefox · 31/08/2019 21:06

You whole argument is based on the fact the the boy might have
Hovered by the door
Peered in
Blocked the door
All of it is here say, I’m not saying that the any female should have to make way for a boy or feel uncomfortable.

But the facts are a grown adult abused a child, and you’ve gone out of your way to add in potential circumstances why the boy could be in the wrong. You’re not been very vocal on the women abusing a child that actually happened.

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 21:08

The misogyny is just dripping out of you, isn’t it, RottnestFerry? It’s very obvious you don’t care how any woman or girl feels. As for you not standing directly outside the door, that’s not the impression you first gave.

As for the posters, especially Freddiefox, who are accusing me of condoning the abuse of a child, why don’t you get a fucking grip and try rereading what I said. I was directing the comment towards a full grown man who has consistently made his disrespect of women’s dignity obvious.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 21:10

“You’re not been very vocal on the women abusing a child that actually happened.”
I have repeatedly said she was very wrong. I might have used the word “vile”. There really isn’t anything more to say about her, surely?

Mummyshark2019 · 31/08/2019 21:12

Yanbu. Poor boy. Tell him she's the weird one, not him. He did absolutely nothing wrong.

Pharlapwasthebest · 31/08/2019 21:14

@BertrandRussell
No, that is not what I’m saying, you’re putting words in my mouth. I choose to prioritise my children, it may not be ideal, but that’s my decision

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 31/08/2019 21:15

I have boys and this makes me really sad. My husband also waits outside the loo for me in some places e.g shopping centre/airport... I do worry for my boys that being male is seen as some sort of inherent predatory factor even when they are as innocent as a 9 yr old waiting for their mum. Big hug OP and a hug for your wee boy.

YouJustDoYou · 31/08/2019 21:15

@RottnestFerry, you are vile.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 21:17

“I have boys and this makes me really sad. My husband also waits outside the loo for me in some places e.g shopping centre/airport...”
Presumably a few steps away from the door. That is literally all I am saying.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 21:20

“No, that is not what I’m saying, you’re putting words in my mouth.”

I’m not, you know. The upper age for boys in women’s spaces is usually 8. You choose to ignore this, and take your 12 year old boy in. The consequence of this is that girl’s comfort and privacy is being sacrificed in favour of a boy. That is a dreadful lesson to teach girls.

helpmeiamatoad · 31/08/2019 21:21

Christ. Any woman or girl who is intimidated or embarrassed because a 9 year old boy is stood a bit close to a door needs counselling immediately because they will really struggle to cope with the genuine issues that come up in life.