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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

an adult woman called my 9 yr old a 'wierdo' waiting outside the girls toilets....

286 replies

staydazzling · 31/08/2019 14:14

he was waiting for me, Sad he said he waiting for his mum, a apparently she didn't respond and walked in, im so proud of ds for sticking up for himself. but im so sad i I wasn't there, to protect him, he was confused when he told me, he is too young to understand the implication, someday he will be that devastates me. yes he is tall for his age, he is nearly 5 ft, but still, he clearly has a childs face, so at a push could be mistaken for 12, apparently she was with her teen daughter. which for some reason makes me feel he would have been more embarrassed. are we really at a point?? where a 4"10 boy, with shaggy hair, wearing a reverse sequin marvel tshirt. cant wait outside public loos for his mum without being labelled a "wierdo" hes not even old enough to understand SadAngry not sure what im asking im just heartbroken, what a world we live in Sad. hes been bery withdrawn and quiet since.

OP posts:
Blueoasis · 31/08/2019 17:42

What about a man's right to not be accused of being a paedophile just because a woman takes offence at something?

What about the ops sons right to stand outside a toilet waiting for his mum without being called names by a grown bloody woman?

Or do they not count because they are men?

9cats · 31/08/2019 17:42

Tbh I'd be more concerned about a 9yo boy alone in the male toilet than waiting outside the female. My ds9 comes in with me unless ds13 is with us

Sagradafamiliar · 31/08/2019 17:43

Crazy stuff. It's not ok to call children names because they were stood outside toilets.
I've just seen a far more worrying post on IG by a transwoman/man (I'm not sure, the post just popped up but I don't follow them) which finishes with, 'just think before you speak and make me feel more welcome in your 'women's toilets''- urgh.

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 17:48

It’s never ok to call children names, but a poster saying he’ll stand where he likes, regardless of what women feel or that he won’t kowtow to ‘this nonsense’, is a separate issue. I don’t believe I’m making a leap to say they have no respect for women’s feelings to safety and respect.

RottnestFerry · 31/08/2019 17:49

Wow! In other words you refuse to respect women’s rights to feel comfortable or safe. That’s a worrying attitude

In other words, you refuse to respect my right to wait for my wife outside a public toilet.

That's a worrying attitude.

Sagradafamiliar · 31/08/2019 17:50

As long as the poster in question doesn't literally mean standing inside women's toilets, then I don't see much to be bothered about either tbh.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 17:52

“What about a man's right to not be accused of being a paedophile just because a woman takes offence at something?
I must have missed this- is there an example on this thread

What about the ops sons right to stand outside a toilet waiting for his mum without being called names by a grown bloody woman?

She over reacted. The OP should make sure her son understands that. And also that he should stand a step or two away from the door so that girls are not made to feel uncomfortable going into a women’s loo

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 17:52

In other words, you refuse to respect my right to wait for my wife outside a public toilet.

If you’re blocking the doorway or making women feel uncomfortable by your presence then I couldn’t care less how you feel about my attitude. See, it works both ways. The difference is, I’m not going to do something that I know may make other people feel uncomfortable, because I’m not that selfish.

HeadintheiClouds · 31/08/2019 17:53

Why would anyone demand to be “made welcome” in any fucking toilets?! We don’t hold cocktail parties in there; anyone who has a right to be in there is quite properly ignored. Angry

Pharlapwasthebest · 31/08/2019 17:54

I still take ds’ 9 and 12 in with me. There was a 14 yr old boy that was raped in a Mac Donald’s toilet.

Onlythelonelywelcome · 31/08/2019 17:56

The woman is weird . Perhaps your son is quiet and withdrawn because you are heartbroken.
You need to show him that the opinion of arseholes like this means nothing and not get so upset about it, at least in front of him.

Sagradafamiliar · 31/08/2019 17:58

I know, Head Angry. I guess that person is still quite young and has the arrogance of youth along with male entitlement, along with a whole lot of propaganda so I scrolled on against my better judgement.

Original poster
staydazzling · 31/08/2019 18:13

Can we please not derail this thread into a bunfight? most posters have been great however, he was stood outside, i dont know how many centremetres he was from the door frame, or maybe peered in for 2 seconds to see where i was, maybe he was further back on the post leaning, maybe he was doing starjumps in the doorway? frankly who knows? he wasn't being selfish, he was waiting for his mum. Sad

OP posts:
JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 31/08/2019 18:13

I find the people objecting to a child waiting outside the toilet really weird. I also have a particularly tall 9 yo DS. If we're out and about and I need to pop to the loo, he waits outside for me. That's normal.
He'd also have been upset and confused at being called a weirdo.
Sorry it happened, OP. People can be peculiar and nasty. Hope your DS has manages to brush it off.

Original poster
staydazzling · 31/08/2019 18:15

pharlapwasthebest, really? im. surprised your 12 year old does, my 7 yr old point blank refuses anymore, its been a battle but not much i can do really i have to wait outside the mens.

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 31/08/2019 18:17

Sorry OP, I just want to clarify I was talking about something I saw somewhere else, which poses an actual concern, not your son.

HeadintheiClouds · 31/08/2019 18:19

But I think where he was standing is kind of the point, op.
If he was peering in the door the woman may have wondered what he might have said to her daughter on the way in if she’d been on her own (you said he looks older). Or whether he was in the act of harassing someone already inside.
It doesn’t excuse he calling him names, of course. But why haven’t you asked him where exactly he was so you can explain to him why it might have been misinterpreted?

Original poster
staydazzling · 31/08/2019 18:20

its ok sagrada just feeling a bit sensitive, atm

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 31/08/2019 18:21

"Waiting outside" the toilets

No, noone on MN would think it reasonable to demonise a male of any age for that
He was being properly respectful, by waiting outside

She's the wierdo

Trialanderror46 · 31/08/2019 18:22

Some people are horrible. YANBU

SleepyKat · 31/08/2019 18:27

"Waiting outside" the toilets

No, noone on MN would think it reasonable to demonise a male of any age for that
He was being properly respectful, by waiting outside

Funny, there’s at least one person on this thread who does.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 18:36

“ i dont know how many centremetres he was from the door frame, or maybe peered in for 2 seconds to see where i was, maybe he was further back on the post leaning, maybe he was doing starjumps in the doorway?”

It matters very much which, if any or these he was doing. Standing in the doorway or peering in- not OK.

Freddiefox · 31/08/2019 18:39

Op that’s really shit of her she shouldn’t have spoke to to your child in anyway at all.
If she had a problem she should have waited and spoken to you.
She was very unreasonable.

And as always with mumsnet there’s always a rush to depend women, I wonder if a man had called your ds a weirdo whether your response would have been different.
On mumsnet boys are often held responsible for the crimes of men.

Aprillygirl · 31/08/2019 18:42

•some women out there who see all males as potential predators, sexual deviants and/or rapists, which of course is there problem*

I think that the fact that over 90% of sex attacks on women is by men, the problem is the men, not the women.

That is indeed the case, but that does not change the fact that not every male is a potential sex offender does it? Hmm

gingersausage · 31/08/2019 18:45

If he was “peering into” the loo, this is rather different from standing outside waiting.

I can’t help feeling this thread is slightly off anyway, intentionally or not.