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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

an adult woman called my 9 yr old a 'wierdo' waiting outside the girls toilets....

286 replies

staydazzling · 31/08/2019 14:14

he was waiting for me, Sad he said he waiting for his mum, a apparently she didn't respond and walked in, im so proud of ds for sticking up for himself. but im so sad i I wasn't there, to protect him, he was confused when he told me, he is too young to understand the implication, someday he will be that devastates me. yes he is tall for his age, he is nearly 5 ft, but still, he clearly has a childs face, so at a push could be mistaken for 12, apparently she was with her teen daughter. which for some reason makes me feel he would have been more embarrassed. are we really at a point?? where a 4"10 boy, with shaggy hair, wearing a reverse sequin marvel tshirt. cant wait outside public loos for his mum without being labelled a "wierdo" hes not even old enough to understand SadAngry not sure what im asking im just heartbroken, what a world we live in Sad. hes been bery withdrawn and quiet since.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2019 16:58

Different scenario but I once saw a man berate a teenage boy for begging and telling him to get a bloody job. He was clearly sitting on a ledge outside a clothes shop, holding the dogs and waiting for his mum and sister. Some people just jump to the worst possible conclusions.

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 16:58

what a nasty old bat.

What a lovely misogynistic term, along with the term ‘bitch’ used by other posters, there are really some delightful misogynistic posters today.

Deadringer · 31/08/2019 16:59

She is an arsehole, lots of them about unfortunately.

pikapikachu · 31/08/2019 17:00

As for those posters asking exactly where he was standing what does it bloody matter???
It's annoying if someone blocks the door. You have to go round them or they startle you if you open the door and they are too close to the door.

However the woman is very unreasonable to say what she did to a 9 year old. I think he did the right thing waiting outside than going in the ladies where there are too often boys of his age.

The type of person who thinks that all males are perverts usually think that adults shouldn't talk to children that they don't know so I'm surprised that she would say it out loud. Apart from the too close to the entrance thing, I can only wonder if he was using a phone while he waited and this woman put 1 and 1 together and got 111.

Whether he was 9 or 12 the woman was horrible.

Sagradafamiliar · 31/08/2019 17:00

I'd have walked around looking for her to return the 'weirdo'. That's just me though and I wouldn't advise it!

SleepyKat · 31/08/2019 17:01

But what do you mean by outside, SleepyKat? There’s no need for him to stand guard on the door, that does look like lurking.

I meN he waits outside the women’s toilets. So if he goes to the men’s and I go to the women’s at a busy place like a shopping centre or service station then yes he might be fairly close to the entrance to the women’s toilets so i see him. In the big, public, busy corridor full of men and women walking up and down. Hardly looks like lurking. I’m not talking some deserted toilet block in a park, etc...in which case he probably would stand further away.

pikapikachu · 31/08/2019 17:01

some women out there who see all males as potential predators, sexual deviants and/or rapists, which of course is there problem

I think that the fact that over 90% of sex attacks on women is by men, the problem is the men, not the women.

How many are commuted by boys age 9-12?

SleepyKat · 31/08/2019 17:02

I mean after he comes out the men’s he will wait for me. He’s always quicker! As long as he isn’t in the women’s toilets I really don’t see a problem with where he stands.

RolyWatts · 31/08/2019 17:05

It's happened now and worse things are going to happen to your son as he grows up. Yes it was a shitty thing for an adult to say to a child, no one is going to disagree with that, but use it as an opportunity to help your child build on his resilience.

RottnestFerry · 31/08/2019 17:07

I hope I never encounter you barring the way to the women’s toilets, RottNest, if you look as belligerent you sound.
Have you no idea how intimidating it could be for some people? Not me, I’d elbow you out of the way, but really, is there any need?

I'm not sure how twisted you need to be to read "barring the way" when I wrote, and meant, "wait outside" but I stand by what I said, if you find it weird... tough. It's your problem, not mine.

IceIceCoffee · 31/08/2019 17:16

I’m an advocate for women’s safe spaces but only on mumsnet would people somehow think what this woman did was ok. It’s laughable.

codenameduchess · 31/08/2019 17:17

In fairness, I wouldn't feel comfortable with a 12 year old boy loitering around the female toilets if not obviously with a parent.

Why the hell not? What do you think he's going to? 

From what I've seen and experienced, hurl abuse at people entering/leaving the toilets, throw things, push/shove their mates into other people. I've seen teenage girls followed or have sexually explicit things shouted at them, I've been called awful things for daring to walk past young lads hanging around ladies toilets. An obviously young boy waiting, at a normal distance (eg not in the doorway) isn't an issue.

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 17:18

How many are commuted by boys age 9-12?

I’ve no idea, but feel free to come back with the evidence that boys never commit sex offences. Or simply do a search through Mumsnet for the numerous mothers who have posted regarding their daughters being sexually assaulted by young boys in school. You can also see how many mothers post about sex assaults committed by female children on their children. Anecdotal, I know, but since the boys are usually acting out as a result of being abused by males, the statistics are rather difficult to find.

Original poster
staydazzling · 31/08/2019 17:18

Thank you for all responses pretty unanimous, its a wierd thing hes been going to the mens by himself for about a year or so as i thought, "you look a bit old
now Blush" only imagined experiencing comments of "are you supply to be here" from inside, to think i spent years taking him to the toilet cause of who he miggt have encountered alone inthe mens, for the questionable person to be a woman Confused, oh well such is life. he seems pretty content atm.

OP posts:
S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 17:21

to think i spent years taking him to the toilet cause of who he miggt have encountered alone inthe mens

Careful OP, you’ll be accused by your supportive posters of suggesting that all men are abusers.

FurnitureAndBackgammon · 31/08/2019 17:21

I think that the fact that over 90% of sex attacks on women is by men, the problem is the men, not the women.

It's not every man though is it? It's a tiny tiny proportion of them.

What a lovely misogynistic term, along with the term ‘bitch’ used by other posters

Yep I'll use bitch, cow, bat for a woman the same as I'd use dick, cock, arse for a man. Nothing misogynistic about it.

This is why my DP won't wait outside toilets for me (he waits in an agree location nearby), won't go anywhere near lingerie sections and won't sit next to other people's children.

That's really quite sad. What have we come to? Sad

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2019 17:22

As I always say on threads like this, it’s all about the comfort of girls. Girls should have the expectation of using the loo without boys over 8 being there. Or standing close to the door. Not because boys over 8 are a risk, but because boys over 8 might make girls feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. So tell him that yes, the woman overreacted, but next time he should stand a few paces away from the door. Sorted.

Deadringer · 31/08/2019 17:23

IceIceCoffee did anyone actually say it was ok? Most if not all pp feel she was way out of line.

Streamside · 31/08/2019 17:23

It's a scary world when a male child is regarded as dangerous for standing outside a toilet.If the same male child was in distress or danger I wonder how many would step in to assist.

Original poster
staydazzling · 31/08/2019 17:28

i dont think its wrong to exorcise caution with very young children in toilets alone, its not just "peado panic" but just in general sending your toddler to do personal care aline. i dont think exorcising some caution is bad of course not. as parents we have to, that is different to shaming a child for no reason.

OP posts:
RottnestFerry · 31/08/2019 17:31

That's really quite sad. What have we come to?

Eaxactly. Which is why I refuse to kowtow to this nonsense.

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 17:32

OP, apologies if I’ve missed it, but did you say if your child was blocking the door or peering inside to see if you were coming?

S1naidSucks · 31/08/2019 17:34

Eaxactly. Which is why I refuse to kowtow to this nonsense.

Wow! In other words you refuse to respect women’s rights to feel comfortable or safe. That’s a worrying attitude.

FurnitureAndBackgammon · 31/08/2019 17:38

That's a bit of a leap S1naidSucks.

TonTonMacoute · 31/08/2019 17:38

Exactly. Which is why I refuse to kowtow to this nonsense.

Wow! In other words you refuse to respect women’s rights to feel comfortable or safe. That’s a worrying attitude.

That is a fairly blatant example of wilful misinterpretation!