To want to get married away from home, and to ask guests to contribute?

[OrangeAeroBubbles]

Previously posted regarding not wanting DSis and DM at wedding, so I guess this is some sort of continuation.
DH(to be!) and I sat down last night and talked about what we really want to do for our wedding. We booked a big venue already, but we just don't want the whole shebang because we're fairly low-key people and it's just not us. Each option we considered ended up falling back on how DSis and DM would find a way to ruin it. Regarding going abroad, I don't do well in warm climates so regular wedding destinations wouldn't be suitable, and as well as that we want DH's grandfather there and I doubt he'd be able to go abroad after recent health issues.

Last night I ended up looking at the Lake District. It's somewhere we said we always wanted to go together, and have found a beautiful venue that caters for intimate weddings of 6-30 people (we have 12 inc. us).
There's an Airbnb 5 minutes from the venue that would host all 12 of us for 5 nights for around £2,000 inc. pool, hot tub and parking. The more we talked about it, the more it felt like 'us' and not once during this discussion did we feel worried about, or even mention, the ways in which DSis or DM could ruin the day.

Aibu to proceed with booking a wedding away from home for these reasons?
Also, WIBU to discuss with our guests about contributing towards the Airbnb? We'd pay for the wedding venue, drinks, food and whatnot for the entire 5 days (it works out at £337.50 per couple for the stay). The guests are all DH's immediate family (with the exception of best man, maid of honour and her partner), no children.

TIA.

soy I see your sleep deprivation and raise it. I think my tetchiness about weddings today may also be for similar reasons. In solidarity.

No YABU. You cannot specify where people are to stay, and then make them pay for it. It's up to them if they want to stay in a tent in a field nearby, or a B&B or the back of their own car frankly. People just don't all have that kind of money.

HeronLanyon , I feel bad for being a grump now!

@elvis86 I know right🙄 a TAD overreaction

HeadintheiClouds why? We had met with the vicar previously on trips back to the UK and done all the necessary paperwork etc. We had a permanent residence in the uk, however not in the same county as the marriage.
We were at a wedding 3 weeks ago in Oxford, the couple marrying live in Bristol. They definitely did not reside in Oxford for 7 days prior to the wedding.

I have happily paid for the 5 of us to attend my brother’s wedding abroad and we funded it using our holiday budget. It wasn’t a place I’d choose to go or go back to but it was a great hotel and lovely to spend time with the whole family.

I wouldn’t have been so happy if it had been in this country or in a shared house. We all had our own hotel rooms, were all inclusive and didn’t have to be together all the time. Some people stayed in other accommodation.

In the situation you describe I’d go if it was all paid for so I could still afford our normal holiday although not sure we’d stay in a shared place with others for 5 nights. It’s got to be enjoyable to use a weeks annual leave for.

I have to say I am at the poster who said they wouldn’t do this even for their children’s weddings. Like your children aren’t worth 5 days annual leave and 300 quid

Maybe Catholic weddings are different, Soy.

@PuzzledObserver I don't know where you get that idea from, a lot of people marry in different districts and you don't have to be there 7 days prior! It does cost more though, at least it did when I got married

The only time I’ve heard of needing to reside in The area for 7 days was friends who married in Cornwall- although it was at least 15 years ago- and the local area were fed up of people coming there just to get married.
However I attended a Cornish wedding of non Cornish residents last year who definitely did not reside there for any time beforehand so I think it just depends on the local authority -or, it’s an old rule which no longer exists.

I haven’t read all the replies but my suggestion would be for you to book the accommodation for 3 nights and pay for that and food on the wedding day. Your guests can pay for/contribute towards the rest of the food and drink. I like the idea of everyone bringing a dish (and drinks) on the first night and having a big buffet. Then you have the wedding. Then you have a chill out morning and spend some time in the lakes.

You could always ask if anyone wants to extend the trip (at their cost - who knows they might all say yes) or just have a couple of days somewhere on your own after if you two want a longer break.

Sounds lovely.

@PuzzledObserver I don't know where you get that idea from,

From the fact that I'm an authorised person for marriages in a place of worship. What I describe is the process for getting married by registrar's certificate in a place of worship other than the Church of England, and I was under the impression it was the same for civil marriages in licensed venues too.

a lot of people marry in different districts and you don't have to be there 7 days prior! It does cost more though, at least it did when I got married

That's fine, but it needs to be checked out in advance and not left to the last minute, that's all I'm saying. I knew there was a different system, but it needs different checks and also costs more. I wouldn't want a legal hiccup to upset OP's plans.

Outrageous, pay for your own wedding

She is paying for the wedding confusedbettle

soy tempted to say ‘Noone cares that you feel bad’ but given we’ve been there and done that and actually I do care and no need and we both need some sleep - I won’t !

See, I would probably pay £337 if it was abroad, because it also doubles up as a holiday, but to sit in a rainy cottage somewhere in England for 5 days surrounded by loads of people? No, sorry.

Having seen the rest of the thread, and that these are people with whom you might be travelling anyway, it seems less U than it did originally. And the Lake District is a nice place to stay! However, I think it's important that you give people a free choice, and not take offence if they can't make it, or can't afford the time or money for the whole period. Not saying that you would do that; but I've come across some people, online and IRL, who seem to judge other people's friendship and loyalty by their willingness and ability to attend special occasions whatever the circumstances, and will not take any excuses, and I find that unfair and hurtful.

You would be very unreasonable to ask the guests to contribute - it’s a lot for them to take 5 days just for your wedding so you should at least cover the costs for them! In fact even if you stay for a shorter time you still should pay.

It's essentially an annual family holiday with the perks of a wedding celebration and no need for a separate hen/stag. Beautiful UK destination, house, venue, food, wine. I feel like I'm in the minority but I totally get it and i'd happily pay if a family member or best friend ever wanted to do this. From the group dynamics, I don't think anyone would mind chipping with help over the 5 days or contributing.

It wouldn’t be for me

(but then I wouldn’t choose to holiday with my family and in-laws in the same place for a week)

As a guest I would always assume I was paying for my own accomodation up until the point where I wasn't allowed to decide how long I would be required to stay or where I was staying. If you're setting 5 days and the accomodation, then you should pay.

No. You cannot ask people to pay for your wedding

Suggesting reasonably priced accommodation for one night is ok. But suggesting a long stay at over £300 is not. Well, suggest it, but make sure it's phrased in a way that they can turn down with no embarrassment. I would turn it down. Either pay the £2k, after checking everyone can stay and wants to, or book somewhere nice for you two and suggest other places for other people to pay themselves.
You do sound precious with various threads, people welcome.or not welcome, booking and unbooking things. Just get on with it. It doesn't have to be perfect. If your attitude is right it will be lovely wherever you are.