To want to get married away from home, and to ask guests to contribute?

[OrangeAeroBubbles]

Previously posted regarding not wanting DSis and DM at wedding, so I guess this is some sort of continuation.
DH(to be!) and I sat down last night and talked about what we really want to do for our wedding. We booked a big venue already, but we just don't want the whole shebang because we're fairly low-key people and it's just not us. Each option we considered ended up falling back on how DSis and DM would find a way to ruin it. Regarding going abroad, I don't do well in warm climates so regular wedding destinations wouldn't be suitable, and as well as that we want DH's grandfather there and I doubt he'd be able to go abroad after recent health issues.

Last night I ended up looking at the Lake District. It's somewhere we said we always wanted to go together, and have found a beautiful venue that caters for intimate weddings of 6-30 people (we have 12 inc. us).
There's an Airbnb 5 minutes from the venue that would host all 12 of us for 5 nights for around £2,000 inc. pool, hot tub and parking. The more we talked about it, the more it felt like 'us' and not once during this discussion did we feel worried about, or even mention, the ways in which DSis or DM could ruin the day.

Aibu to proceed with booking a wedding away from home for these reasons?
Also, WIBU to discuss with our guests about contributing towards the Airbnb? We'd pay for the wedding venue, drinks, food and whatnot for the entire 5 days (it works out at £337.50 per couple for the stay). The guests are all DH's immediate family (with the exception of best man, maid of honour and her partner), no children.

TIA.

Is this INSTEAD of the family annual holiday or AS WELL as??

Sounds like you are essentially saying "can we make the next holiday our wedding? And can we choose the destination?"

I agree with the PP who said that you’re better just talking to the people involved about it. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but you know your family and friends.

YANBU. Mumsnet generally hates weddings unless you get married in a bin bag then go the pub after for a packet of crisps. God forbid people actually have family and friends they love and enjoy spending time with! The OP has explained many times she holidays regularly with this set of people, it’s the grooms mother/father and sisters for god sake! I would 100% do this for a close family member or friend. Mumsnet is an alternative reality when it comes to weddings sometimes. OP, asking 12 family members to a 5 day celebration that is predominantly paid for and only involves them turning up and doing a bit of cooking is NOT unreasonable and sounds lovely.

How could “Mumsnet” hate weddings? Don’t be ridiculous, fgs.

@headintheiclouds anytime a wedding thread pops up on here, unless it’s an extremely small wedding, the nasty, CF comments come out. Just as they have on this thread, all the outrage at the OP is what’s ridiculous

@Ravenblack
YABU. There is no way in HELL I would be paying to go to someone's wedding. Nearly 400 quid for 5 days, and the cost of the travel and food and time off work too. PMSL dream on!

OP had already said she is covering cost of travel and food and drinks. They arent asking for gifts or money. Maybe read it before you start skating people.
P.S. £337 is not "nearly 400 quid"

The whole thing sounds fabulous OP and I'd be happy with every part of it.

OP you’ve made it clear your family love spending time together and with you and your friends coming will love it too. Everyone has reserved the time off work without problem, and this is replacing your usual week away as a family which always goes fantastically and everyone loves. You all adore cooking and cleaning and being together

I really can’t see the problem. If I were you I would just pay the accommodation myself which is a small price in terms of the luxury wedding.

Although it’s cheap,I would be concerned about spending money. Last time family paid for us to go away - what a lovely treat although I would’ve liked to have chosen my holiday myself tbh- I spent over £1000 in spending money as we like to enjoy ourselves when we are away

I know you’ve said you’re paying for absolutely everything but that would mean I have to spent the entire 5 days with you and I would quite like some time alone with my partner etc on my holiday.

I’ve paid to go to lots of weddings abroad and in this country though, with no issue

Mumsnet generally hates weddings unless you get married in a bin bag then go the pub after for a packet of crisps. God forbid people actually have family and friends they love and enjoy spending time with!
There's a handful of competitive not caring posters on threads but mostly I think MN shows what many people think but don't always voice.

E.g. I enjoy weddings, I enjoy sharing the day but I cannot abide the time when some couples spend an hour or more doing their photos leaving guests to stand around with nothing than the bar.
Equally, there are many elements of a wedding that most people simply don't care about and there's often quite a lot in weddings where the couple have failed to think about their guests because they're too busy planning a fairytale day for them and getting nice photos (e..g between wedding breakfast and evening do, why is there frequently so few chairs during such a long time turnaround? What are people meant to do?)
Some couples present their day as a favour or treat for the guests, and they're often nice days, but I don't need couples trying to convince me that a wedding venue 2 hours from home with no accomodation other than the expensive venue's is some sort of treat for me to have a night away from home. I like my home. Its not a treat for me. I will enjoy the wedding day, but please don't act like it's for my benefit. Ditto for arrangements with child free weddings. As far as I'm concerned people can have whatever suits them for the wedding, but don't be a twat and suggest that you're doing everyone a favour by treating them to a night without their kids (especially at a venue that requires overnight childcare).

If people want a big/small wedding, do what you like, but please don't have a big lavish do and then tell me that I'm so lucky to have bought a house. Your wedding cost more than my deposit. Neither are right or wrong as choices, just different priorities.

I know I'm not alone in enjoying weddings and thinking all those things. I'd probably never say that to anyone who is absorbed in wedding mode, but I think it. Being able to talk about weddings in the abstract with strangers means people can be a bit more honest.

So, if I have understood this correctly, you go away for a week with this group of people every year and this year you are thinking that instead of just a week's holiday, it would be the holiday with you getting married one of the days?

I think that sounds like a great idea.

YANBU. Mumsnet generally hates weddings unless you get married in a bin bag then go the pub after for a packet of crisps. God forbid people actually have family and friends they love and enjoy spending time with!

This is so true! Loads of peoplee on here seem to have absolute contempt for their friends and family, and object to doing anything with or for them!

I'm still waiting for Ravenblack's top tips for luxury Lakes accomodation at under £33pppn!

You are asking a question to which you really already know the answer...CF...

So it's five days, for close family and friends, who are child free?

Includes the stag and hen?

For £337? It's a bargain and lovely idea.

I think that the BMs/MOH etc should have the option of going home the day after the wedding, if they need to.

I've been to a similar thing snd it was lovely catching up with everyone after the wedding because the day flies by.

The Bride/Groom have duties and you don't get proper time with them.

Is your hair/makeup going to be simple, or is the wedding a afternoon one? How would it work getting ready etc?

It's easier when there are no children about.

Hiring a minibus might be a nice touch.

You will never get people on here to say this is ok. There is like an unwritten MN rule against stuff like this!
I think on the surface I agreed with most others thats it's cheeky, however when I put it in the context of it being one of my best friends I actually think it's probably fine as I would be getting to enjoy a week away with my friends somewhere lovely with a wedding in the middle.
You know you're guests better than anyone here so I think this thread was a bad idea as it will make you worried about cheeky fuckery when actually the people you are inviting might be 100% happy. It's them you should be asking!

Our wedding was along these lines but guests arrived Fri night (immediate family only - parents/brothers/sisters and their kids - 28 inc us and our kids)

Chippy tea (pre-ordered)
Sat - we put out a budget breakfast - cereal/toast/croissants etc
super easy early lunch on paper plates sandwiches/crisps as shooting off for early afternoon registry office wedding.

Back to the house for hot meal pre-ordered and provided by the lady that regularly cooked for this posh house if required. It was £500 odd inc beef Wellington choices etc

Sun - same breakfast/ our own BBQ lunch (was very hard work for my husband as was basically him for hours) can't remember Sunday tea but probably pasta or something similar mainly for kids who wouldn't be stocked up on BBQ.

Mon - quick brekkie and vacate by 10.

The house was lovely and had a swimming pool/pool table/ two living rooms/dining rooms/play room and lovely grounds.(£2,600)

We saved on photographer and I have loads of lovely photos as we still had the photo shoot done by my brother (totally ordinary person not photographer) and lots taken by others too.

Saved on cars. Everyone drove themselves to pay and display car park. We were in our Kia Picanto- the glamour!

We got up there early Friday and spent £400 on groceries for the weekend. There was stacks left and we were giving it away last day.

We gave an itinery do everyone knew what to expect including food. It was bring your own booze - stated clearly - except for wine with the catered wedding meal which we provided.

We bought outfits for all the kids but no hired suits except the groom.

We didn't ask anyone to pay for anything. All accommodation included but as you can see no photographer /no cars/ ordered my own roses online ) we cut costs where we could.

It was hard work for us cooking and catering. It is slightly hard work for both sides of the family thrown together so I do think 5 days would be a bit too long for all involved.

It's a bit long.

I think this could work depending on the type of people your friends/family are.

The best wedding we went to was 30 people in a huge very posh villa in Italy. We contributed a very reasonable 300 quid each a week for accommodation in a very luxurious villa with a pool. The bride and groom as well as providing all the food and drink for the wedding day itself provided tons of food and booze and laid on all sorts of entertainment through the week like having a chef come and teach us to make pasta etc.
We chose to make that trip our main holiday that year because we loved our friends and wanted to share their wedding the way they wanted to do it. It was brilliant and we had a lovely time.
I think the key is how relaxed and laid back your friends and family are, as the kind of people who immediately bristle and get uptight about suggestions like this aren't the kind of people who can go with the flow and give their energy to a trip that's all about someone else. You need people who properly love you around, who want to celebrate with you your way.

I would not want to go to a 5 day wedding and be expected to pay for it. Even if I wasn't paying, I wouldn't want to go.

Op - I was one pages ago who said I’d never think it a good idea - too long for a wedding, etc. I have rtft and as you have (incredibly patiently and with good humour) explained more then go for it given your specific group and dynamic.

Definitely test the waters by running it by everyone first.
For me the very thought of 5 days jollity in shared accommodation with a wedding thrown in is not attractive but that is me !
Well done for staying patient. And congrats btw.

I would happily go to the Lake District for 5 days if it was of my own choosing and especially while I was there, I chose my own itinerary. I would feel that this 5 day "holiday" was actually five days of "me me me" from the bride and groom with a programme of wedding related activities I couldn't get out of.

It's a no from me.

YANBU. Mumsnet generally hates weddings unless you get married in a bin bag then go the pub after for a packet of crisps. God forbid people actually have family and friends they love and enjoy spending time with!

Nope !
Just cheeky fuckers who dont want to pay for their own wedding !

I am not sure I would be a guest if this was expected of me. People will book time off, pay for an outfit, travel, food and drink, a gift and then you want them to pay to stay in a place of your choice for your chosen duration? That's a lot of money you are expecting people to fork out.
I went to 3 weddings last year that were far away. We stayed where we could afford and many of our friends travelled there and back on the same day to avoid the cost of staying because most places were around 230 for a minimum of two nights.

Maybe get a cheaper wedding and ask them to contribute to a honeymoon in your chosen place instead, but ask them to give what they can afford and not what you expect of them. It isn't fair to put people in that position.

OP I had my wedding in the Lake District and it was a midweek wedding. We invited our family and friends (most from my home country) they all made it a little holiday, some stayed for a week, some a little less, done for two nights. Our hotel did a discount rate for anyone going to the wedding but we paid for the exclusivity on the day. Turned out my family and friends booked out the whole place from the mon-fri so we had the whole hotel to ourselves for the week. I didn’t stipulate it that way, others stayed in b&bs or rented cottages. So I guess what I’m saying is yes, book the venue but leave ppl sort their own accommodation. If anyone asks for ideas or places the. You COULD suggest the air b&b.

*then